I Really Want To Be The Best Me I Can Be

[mimiwantstobeskinny]

Always show yourself love because if you don't you will find the journey difficult. I have to remember the main reasons why I'm losing weight are for me; I will feel healthier I will get fitter I I will feel more confident I will be able to wear better clothes (although I think anyone should wear whatever they want) I will be able to wear heels without feeling exhausted at the end of the day Love yourself!

[mimiwantstobeskinny]

The heaviest that I've ever been but still fabulous!!! I have to keep my confidence as I'll never be able to do this if I don't love myself

[mimiwantstobeskinny]

So I weighed myself today, and it came up as 289lbs, not a loss but only a very small gain considering it was my birthday weekend and I consumed way too much food. I'm having one last bad day as I'm going to have pizza tonight and then I need to really start calorie counting.

[mimiwantstobeskinny]

So far to go but finally feeling positive about making changes

It is very hard to make changes, I am the kind of person who really struggles with getting the right mindset for weight loss. I’m not going to delete my posts from earlier on in the year, because I think that it is important to leave them, even though I made promises to myself that I didn’t keep.

You will get to know a lot more about me as my journey (cringe) goes on, but it is interesting that I have managed to lose a very decent amount of weight a few years ago, in less than a year and with minimal effort (as in with not many diet changes but more exercise) I had gone from 16st 9 (that’s 233lbs to my Americans and 106kg to my Europeans) to 10st 12 (152lbs/ 69kg) and whilst I was by no means at my goal weight, my body fat percentage went down and down, I was happier than ever when I’d go to the scales at boots, print off my little ticket and read 18.5% body fat, I was so proud.

I did still want to lose a bit more weight, but I really enjoyed briefly being a size 8-10, I looked amazing in clothes and I was able to do any kind of exercise that I wanted.

Then I got injured, well I say injured because its easier to understand how quickly the problem came about for me, my back problem started, it actually didn’t start out slow, I’ve had a couple of issues with sciatica here and there, but all of a sudden from being completely healthy and well, I had a crippling back problem and my leg was constantly in copious amounts of pain. I struggled with walking, I couldn’t get upstairs without holding onto the banisters for dear life. I couldn’t even step up onto a kerb without having to put pressure on my knee. I also couldn’t sit on a bus without being in so much pain and discomfort. It affected everything in my life, I was so depressed because I couldn’t exercise, I struggled with my job, and even when I switched jobs, I was still in pain all the time, because the next job was horrendous, and I was treated appallingly.

I had an MRI scan of my back and leg and I think it was a six week wait, but when I got my results back, it turned out I had arthritis in my lower back, I was glad to have the pain confirmed in some kind of condition, but I still felt there was a lot more going on. Little did I know then that the problem would get much worse...

Whilst at that job at a chain restaurant brand, I was treated so badly, despite putting in the hours, despite attaining so much knowledge in a short space of time despite me having had minimal actual training, despite me always making the budget on my shifts, and worst of all despite them actually knowing about the problems I had with my back. So I had to leave, I knew this, but I also had to take a bit of time off, I went to the doctors, took two weeks off, tried to talk to their HR who (and I will go into much more detail in a future post) were disgustingly cruel and unhelpful, they seemed to want to put the blame on me (suggesting I had had “a break down” and that I needed some training) rather than deal with the nastiness going on in their company. So having discussed this with my doctor, I was put on sick leave for a month, while I was on a waiting list for counselling and for physiotherapy, and at the end of that month, I was signed off for another two months. 

To be continued.....

I am at work, so I will continue writing this tomorrow, if it seems depressing, then I apologize, but it is important to get a bit of my back story out there (pardon the pun)

[mimiwantstobeskinny]

Heaviest I've ever been, at 288.2lbs so I need to lose 170.2lbs to reach my goal weight of 118lbs, I can do this, for me; my health, my looks and my wardrobe, follow me and watch me slim.

[mimiwantstobeskinny]

Getting ready for tomorrow!

Sunday 22nd January 2017 So I’ve been relaxing today, getting my washing done and thinking about various things to try next week. I think I will focus on beginning to write down everything I eat. I have been doing Veganuary since the start of January and I have already lost a bit of weight (I can feel the difference in my size and in my health) so although I haven’t been watching what I eat and I’ve been eating whatever I want so long as it is vegan, I am already in the habit of eating more fruit and veg.

Also, since the start of January, I have not had any fizzy drinks and I have only had one coffee a day in the morning. I've also been on the Bootea teatox. I want to get back into the habit of exercising as much as possible, although I cant do as much as I used to, I will have to do as much as I can. If I am writing down what I am consuming, then I will be a lot more aware of what is good and bad, for example if I am eating too much sugar, not enough fibre etc.

[mimiwantstobeskinny]

I have to lose well over 9 stones, but I will weigh myself on Monday at Boots for the official figures

Saturday 21st January 2017 This is going to be such a challenge but it is not one which I am afraid of, I have faced a smaller challenge before, I went from 16st9 to 10st10 just 4 years ago, but I did that with a lot of exercise and that was before I developed the issues with my back and my body (arthritis and general undiagnosed exhaustion). I have put on weight again because I have constantly been in pain and had a severe lack of motivation both in life and in the ability to exercise. I have been eating like I used to when I was much slimmer except now I am not as active and I cannot do as much exercise. I have let my weight get to the point that it has, because I always kept saying that I can start again tomorrow. I have just kept wearing baggier and baggier clothes and have lived in a bit of a state of denial. Also it has been strange because I don’t hate myself like I used to, so I haven’t had such a tirantic inner critic like I used to have. I have been in a relationship, and I am now living with my boyfriend, so I have been a lot more comfortable and we get takeaways and I don’t have as much time to exercise and cook healthily.

All in all I’ve lacked the emotional commitment to get in shape and lose the weight. I have wanted to, please believe that I have really wanted to, I have even kept buying clothes in my goal sizes-6/8/10 but I just haven’t been able to take the commitment to say “I can and will lose weight” I haven’t been able to push myself. I have always had issues with dedication and drive, but my motivation for everything had really plummeted over the last two years, and its just gotten harder and harder as I’ve gained more weight, it’s the same thing with trying to find a good job, because last year I kept applying for and interviewing for jobs, but because I kept getting turned down, my motivation dwindled, I sought comfort in food rather than dealing with my problems and my weight had gone out of my control. But I am taking back control alright.

I have to set myself small goals as well as big ones, so alongside the fact that I would overall like to go from (approx.) 18st 8 ( to 8st 6, as  soon as possible, I can say that I would like to get down to 15st by the end of February and that if I do, rather than reward myself with food or a takeaway maybe I can have something like some bath stuff from lush.

[mimiwantstobeskinny]

Just bought the whole Hip Hop Abs kit from Amazon for £5.95!!!! Can't wait to try it!!!! I know I'm not cool enough but if my favourite clone from Orphan Black (Alison) can do it then so can I 😍 I'll review it when it arrives!!!! I really want the Country Heat Dance Kit and the Piyo kit, but they're too expensive for me at the moment, but maybe after Christmas!!!!

[mimiwantstobeskinny]

The New Beginning!

I am here because I want to be but I’m also here because I have to be, I have lost control of my weight! I am overweight! Very overweight! I’m not sure but I think I’m obese !

Just three and a half years ago I had managed to get down to a rather slinky for my height; 10st12/ 152lbs/ 69.1k

I’ve done it before and I know I can do it again and better!!!! But it’s going to be hard work!!!