tryna be an 'idealistic' soul

[min-myrtille]

hey

I’ll try not to cry while typing this confession. 

Can I just live in peaceful place where inequality is non-existence? I hate for the fact that I have to learn and study like crazy my university and end up having to accept a low-paid salary? I never understand the hype about the “bourgeoisie” are soooo stingy on giving a well paid salary to the the low caste. What is so good on giving a below minimum wage to the worker? People keep referring these workers as a low-skilled job wage earners and it is acceptable to made these elites to pay them below the minimum wage. Even, in my opinion, the minimum wage in this country is already very low, added if you live in a urban area. Are they really take note of what really happen in outside world? The truths of what really happen in reality? 

Personally speaking, of what I’ve seen, (well, obs I cant say much because I don’t really come across these kind of poeple ) I think those below them are just stupid, easily being fooled by, uneducated, filthy, and even some of the elites thought them as ‘retarded’. I mean, I supported few of their way of thinking towards the white collar, but at the same time, they do not have much necessity s to invest and explore more on their potential and this is indeed pathetic. How could you spend hundreds of millions of cars while at the same time knowing your people have to barely sustain to live? Like how? How do you even sleep at night? 

Obviously, these things never have affected you, even slight because you’re not in their position. Why are our gap are so high, where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer? Why is that happen?

I am beyond rage. There’s something we can actually do about giving educated citizens a good amount salary because they are worth for and not those politicians who, first consuming too much salary even though they already have the excess of wealth within their family, and we paid so much for the government, but I cant see any improvement to this country. What happened? I just want to live and made education (from primary to tertiary) as worthy as we can. Then, if the elites cant even paid us a good amount of wages, why wasting our time to study for the in our job? I love to study, but at the same time to earn money because being in my 20s, I should have my own responsibilities and not reckon on my family single handedly.  Why we have to do so much job that we end up jeopardize our well-being, our family (working 8 hours per day, that’s not even included the one that have to work extra job to sustain the family. They have to work as delivery man or even sells some clothes in Uptown. And the breadwinner, mainly the mother, how they can sustain life when they have too many kids to feed? 

[min-myrtille]

Sorry

Sorry for being bitchy, toxic, envy towards people that I have met throughout my entire existence. Tbh, it was a pleasure meeting each and everyone of you, despite what I can think of now is how you treat me as a person, and some “wrong doing” that you’ve done and I still cant forgive because I was hurt, very badly, but at the same time, I never notice my behaviour do hurt people around me as well, so I’m very much sorry. I hope you have change for the better and able to encounter much ordeals later on. Take care.

[min-myrtille]

Teens

What it’s feel like when your upbringing is very lively? Do you having fun? Do you enjoy it? Well, I guess you would say “Urgh, my life is so effing boring...”, while going to the party, having sleepover with your bestfriends, having to share every problem you encounter. Or in a different scenario, you were brought up in a very wealthy family, no family issues, just some ordeals here and there, not much things to deal, born with pretty faces (plus, easier if you born in today’s modern era, influencer scheme is literally calling your name. And if you have a fair skin, thin body, very baby-ish or angelic-ish face, yo, that is literally my country’s beauty standard). You don’t have to encounter some face or body shame...Well, I never really encounter it myself, but even some pimples here and there already makes me feel miserable. At some point of my existence, while even living at this young age, I’ve seen several people with diff. background, and um, I think it’s unfair for some to live in a inadequate environment....

[min-myrtille]

I’ve been star struck with living in Europe for a quite sometimes now. I mean, it’s actually since forever. Being a kid, I was so into the idea of furthered my studies abroad.  Being here not that I don’t feel a sense of belonging, just that I want to restart my life. To REBORN. whenever I stumble across someone from my country studying abroad, I felt sort of envy. I should not feel that way tbh but seeing someone who been living overseas, which apparently, something I had always dreamt of since I was a kid, it is like a heaven. Umm, but yeah I still appreciate what I have now. But If I had a chance to further my studies, I would like too. Maybe in history courses, because that shit seems fun. But you know, god is the best planner. Even, looking back, I was very much proud of myself for doing this shit and recognize my interest in pursuing a suitable course. (I think for now, this course really excite me, except the subjects is quite hard.)

[min-myrtille]

The more I grew up, the more I started to see some changes in my face. Well, technically people and friends still able to recognized me. Not like I did some major changes to my face (botox, fillers, etc). I received quite a lot of compliments from people and I do like it. Fortunately, for me, I have this “puberty hits you like a truck” moments, and I know some of you guys don’t encounter this phase, but try to eat healthy and lose some weight to maintain normal BMI. Trust me, you will look good. And don’t forget to get out of toxic people. That shit kills. Like literally. I remember dealing with toxic people in some part of my life, and it hasn’t give me any growth and I feel the lowest point during that time. I feel very worthless and to the point that I should just go to juvenile and get along with the criminals. At that time, I feel like no one really understood me, and after a while I figure it everything by myself. Till now, really no one understands me but I finally able to accept and sort of recognize myself. I am wayyyy better than I used to be. I’m beyond proud of myself and being quite young in her early 20s, much I can do really, to just figure out what kind of new things that I enjoy and that’s important.

[min-myrtille]

First art photoshop and Im content :))))

These past few days, Im sick of worrying things that supposed to be kept aside. like, it’s not even a big deal and, fuck im already miserable. Let me tell you, i effing hate instagram and still am. i hate the feeling whenever i scroll down. Even downloading it give me somewhat a heart attack. Can i just leave my country and restart my life? I wish I live in a country that I can have the sense of belonging, plus living in a countryside in some part of Europe seems lovely. Ouh to live with those kind of privilege. Talking about privilege lead me to share on my views about living in a stable and wealthy family. That is like winning a fucking jackpot lottery. I mean, if you dont use your fortune wisely, man oh man, what are you doing? Anyway, im about to have an interview for a club and i have a 50/50 feeling bout it. i dont know. but im still young and learning everything (especially during the covid) is something you should not look back. just do it and later we can talk.

[min-myrtille]

Capitalism at its finest.

[min-myrtille]

taken from A conscious rethink

Some people are born into privilege. Born into a family with money and influence. Sent to the best schools. Afforded opportunities that most can only dream about. But others are born into crushing poverty. Where survival is a daily challenge. No money or influence. Few, if any, opportunities. Yet neither the child of privilege nor the child of disadvantage did anything to bring about their fortune or lack of it. How is it fair that a child who did nothing to merit their good fortune receives so much of it? How is it fair that a child who did nothing to deserve their misfortune receives so much of it? How is that fair? It’s not fair. It’s not fair at all.

credit : A conscious rethink website

[min-myrtille]

My Wishlist (But God is the planner)

-To stay in any Europe countries (any France or Italy area would be nice)

-Have my own youtube video 

-Do any business hahahahaha (not too sure bout this, but I love pastry and fruits sooo...)

-Being a professional healthcare employee

....there’s more but that’s the only i can think of rn

photo credited : unsplash

[min-myrtille]

it’s okay to not do anything

I just want peace. A sense of belonging. What does it feels to be liked? It is my fault? Sorry for what it had caused me. Though, i never blame myself for everything i did in the past. Well, I did felt stupid after sometimes. Should i go and find a therapist? Do I need help? I hate that my past literally eats me. People say it takes time, but after i did all my counting, hmm it is possible but that feeling still there. Sometimes, it gets really intense to the point i couldn’t possibly forgive those who exist in my “sight”

photo credited : unsplash

[min-myrtille]

thoughts late at night

This is my first post but I bet no one gonna read it anyway haha. but um, few things have been stuck in my brain. 

being a student in her 20s, make me realize we’ve been so preoccupied with other people success, achievement. We blame ourselves for not able to fulfill our dreams but in fact we don’t see how much achievement we already accomplished (Except if you are a couch potato laying in front of tv. Well, technically, we do need to procrastinate. This is what the millennials called as “self-care”.) As I was reading Capital in the twenty-first century by Thomas Piketty and some other few books (which I will add in later), I understand that some of us don’t have the necessity to invest on their capabilities, so less “skills” you can do or create. For those who live in a well-maintained society, more and more talent and strength you can explore. This include from money to pay your bills for your music class, or not having to live in a run-down neighbourhood (or I would call as an “elite” area) and a good family relationship. You can expect life isn’t fair all the time, (well I would say most of the time), but it is what it is, some decided to blame on it (the “Blame game”), and others some decided to get out from that cycle. In the aftermath, you do what you do.

Anyway, just in case you’re reading this, what are your thoughts on the rat race cycle?