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@mindfollies-blog
a rift.
i’ve started this poem three times how do i tell you without telling you that there is a rift
i desperately need there to not be one but i am out of glue
help me out this time i need your hand in place right here so that i can keep it togeth er
© dlf 2017
not like.
compartmentalize the heart: i can love you but not like you at all.
© dlf 2017
arrive to the ashes.
go away let me once again deconstruct the soul i’ve built in some sort of quixotic peace without you
tearing off pieces which are not yours to tear one-by-one
i am reassembling do not try to be my glue do not draw me a blueprint now
i’ve already unfolded -- the last words you spoke have escaped you can’t be a hero when you arrive to the ashes and everyone is already consuming dust
© dlf 2017
already the muse.
your sun hair curls differently in the morning rampant trills trot off your tongue and i make sure to catch every one i want them all i want every part of you my name sounds so right when it’s yours to manipulate and maneuver around take it, please, and take me too go where i go, do what i do be the muse, you’re already the muse in my head, in my hands boy, you’re in my verse and i’m in trouble i’ve broken laws before but i’d break borders with you i’ve been stomping on my own heart all these years time for a change of pace, my dear you are too impossible and lovely to leave me hanging at the river-tree, dangling from words i planted there when we first showed signs of the grow
© dlf 2017
which half.
we’re still here, please don’t make me choose which half of me to murder tonight
we’re still dead, please be sure to write my name in stone if you have to go
we’re still this, please know we remained while the world crashed into sudden sun
© dlf 2016
who must i be.
who must i be for you to remind me of who i am
who must i be to garner your undivided attention
who can i evolve to so that you may fly
© dlf 2016
like phoenixes.
i thought maybe that i was too old for new starts the way ideas take form in the twist-turn head it’s not unheard of
i am perennial and every time i plunge a hand into this chest and extract my sanguine heart i am surprised to find it beginning, even if it has already begun
when the scratch marks become too revealing when the sutures refuse to hold
like phoenixes this heart of mine the heart of me my being, my breath, my blood
is perennial
© dlf 2016
where.
people want to know why all the time
why are you so tall why is the sky blue why is this happening to me why didn’t you call me why
i am all the time asking where though
where do i travel to next where is my mind where has this train been where did i leave my keys where can we be alone where
places are more exciting to me than reasons
© dlf 2016
rocks.
pretending i’m strong is half the battle. the other half is actually being strong.
this is everyone’s struggle, i believe, not often realized. how am i a carrier for good when there is so much decay inside of me? how do i set rocks on the scales when i cannot lift them past my knees?
it is not a contest but i find myself losing heart.
© dlf 2016
more of you.
shit, i do not want to call this love but you can’t leave, you can’t you mustn’t because when you are here i am new
but then you go, i know you have to go i miss you so because you are lovely and i like when there are lovely things on my mind
you are bright and kind the opposite of me but perhaps complementary i don’t know how to be around you i don’t know where my senses go but i don’t need them
you revive and refine oh love i need more, so much more of you please, please offer that up one of these sorry days
sun on my shoulders my moon and stars you are my sky now
© dlf 2016
he’s a barista now.
McDonald’s regurgitated its manager and now he’s a barista
Rufus Wainwright overhead like they knew i was coming clever fuckers
macchiatos for miles they talk about their children they talk about their lives they talk about Paris and my heart aches at that the last one
as usual, as usual
© dlf 2016
more tea table nights.
into smokeless deserts i sent the refrains i sang for you all day
the wind knows where to go it can hold songs for a time long enough, i hope
dont forget that i am here our gods have separate names but the world reaps similar things from the two of us
i think that is how we were meant to coexist
i wish we had more tea table nights more coffee shops only for us more people asking about us
out of everything i miss you the most
© dlf 2016
the fanfare i needed.
woke to the red parade, not the fanfare i needed. the wrong one entirely.
i painted myself blue and broke the window. glassy pavements can scream but i have feathers in my ears on fire-days now instead of flames
© dlf 2016
i’m keeping them.
trading breath with you would be like
collecting the stars in a bottle
and finally being allowed to keep them
© dlf 2016
dark sparkler.
oh, silence me in your head, in your head in the dark don’t let the static sparkle of this madness in me sell you out
© dlf 2016
slice.
if i wanted to remember you i would. that is the rule. the trouble is i don’t want to remember you but i am. and i know, and i know i will never not remember the effect of you.
i want to slice you out of my brain, cruel and intentional. i’d find redemption in that. but i am no surgeon, i am no mind-eraser. i am no time-turner. i am a heart-wearer and that is my greatest downfall, i’m sure. i hate that part of me that gives and trusts because it picked you and you scarred a strong soul; you cracked the unbreakable girl.
i will not say that i am broken, for my heart is made of glue --
you can never own that much of me. you can stay in my head, you won’t ever leave there i know. it’s the twist of the knife, the shards you throw at me while i sleep -- that is what i have to keep. and i toss back words i can’t contain, words you will never catch, words not meant for speaking -- bitter on the tongue, toxic in the throat. ugly on the page. feebly i fight you still.
i have to fight you still.
© dlf 2016
find the day.
the news is sad the people are sad hope’s gone fishin’ in wells of apathy and time is so much like sand through graceless fingers it’s gone, it’s gone what are you doing getting high on terror getting drunk on what you don’t (care to) understand help yourself love somebody serve your gods and mothers and find the next day in strange eyes it’s not actually all that far off but then again i have always been able to find the window
© dlf 2016