never stood a chance. chan~angst
I was originally going to make this longer but I thought leaving it there would give more angst effect. Let me know if there’s any mistakes!
You had met Chan when you were 11. You felt a sense of safeness with him, like he could protect you from anything. And he always did.
Whenever you needed someone Chan would be there, always by your side. He was there through all your ups and downs, there when the only person you had left was him.
You couldn’t pinpoint the moment you fell for Chan, perhaps the love was always there. But you did know you were in deep, you knew happy endings didn’t exist and you knew someone would get hurt in the end. So you never told him.
You thought maybe dating other people would help, it never did. The relationships never lasted long as you never truly loved them. Chan would be there to comfort you after breakups, he would never know that him being there made it worse. It made your heart ache.
Once you had both left school Chan found someone. Someone he loved. It tore you apart but you had learnt to deal with the pain. You’d hoped it would be short lived just like your relationships. It wasn’t. Once Chan told you he planned proposing you felt a sense of unimaginable pain. You’d managed to smile through the hurt and congratulate the couple.
You had managed it through the whole ceremony without breaking down, you couldn’t manage to stay for the after party though. You felt so broken it made you sick to your stomach. You had text Chan apologising for leaving as you felt sick, ran home and cried your heart out.
Since then you had slowly distanced yourself from Chan, he didn’t need the burden of you any more. After several months he gave up trying to contact you, you didn’t expect it to hurt so much as you had inflicted this upon yourself.
You had moved on somewhat, two years later. You’d occasionally see something that reminded you of him and your heart would ache. You’d tried your hand at dating again but nobody was him, it was useless. You had failed at making friends, failed at keeping a job and failed at living a life. But, you’d survived. You were managing. That was until your phone rang from an unknown number.
“Hello?” Your throat was hoarse from not having spoke for a while.
“Y/N? Is that you?” Your heart dropped. You felt an all too familiar feeling in your gut as you heard that voice again. This couldn’t be happening, not now you had made all this progress.
“Ch-chan?” You managed out, your voice giving up on you. You held back tears as best you could, you couldn’t let him know how this effected you.
“Yeah, it’s Chan” you wondered what it was he wanted. “Listen, could you meet me? I mean, not right now obviously, like, this week?”
Your lack of response made him speak up again.
“It’s fine if you don’t want to, I just- I wanted to see you” he wanted to see you. God this man had no idea how much he was breaking you right now.
“I think I’m free tomorrow” why were you doing this to yourself. You could’ve said no and never seen him again. But your heart yearned to see him, and before you knew it you had agreed.
That night you tossed and turned, replaying the conversation with Chan over and over. Your heart was racing thinking about seeing him again. Was he still married? Was he happy with them? You didn’t know, you didn’t know whether you wanted to know.
After dragging yourself out of bed and trying your best to make somewhat of an effort, you started walking towards yours and Chans meeting place. You felt sick to your stomach and you couldn’t control the butterflies you were feeling. The nervousness was really getting to you, your even legs began to wobble.
You eventually made it to the place Chan wanted to meet, a couple minutes early. You sat down on the park bench and tried to relax. You noticed that it wasn’t too busy around and that the place Chan had picked was pretty secluded. You were too busy looking at the landscape you hadn’t even noticed someone approaching.
“Y/N?” Your heart dropped to your feet at the sudden voice.
“Yeah?” You replied, too scared to look at the familiar face you’d grown to love. You felt him sit next to you on the bench and he sighed.
“You probably want to know why I wanted to see you, right?” You finally turned to look at him as he spoke, he was still as gorgeous as you had remembered. You nodded at his question.
“Well” he paused to sigh. “I’m moving away. Far away from here. And I guess I just wanted a proper goodbye, before I leave and probably never see you again”
“Oh” was all you replied. Chan furrowed his eyebrows at you.
“Was there something I did that made you push me away?” He suddenly asked. “It’s just, you left without a reason” you had left without a reason, you couldn’t blame Chan for wondering why.
“It’s nothing Chan” Chans face morphed from confused to angry within seconds.
“If it’s nothing then why did you leave!” His loud voice made you jump. His face softened slightly before asking more gently this time, “if it was nothing why did you leave me Y/N?”
You both sat in silence, you not knowing what to reply and Chan waiting for an answer.
“I’m not sure” you finally answered.
“You’re a bad liar you know” you knew.
“I-“ you started, but couldn’t find the words to finish. You didn’t have to as Chan spoke up.
“Were you in love... with me?” Were. You still are. You had no idea how to respond to the question Chan had posed, instead sitting in silence for a while. You sighed before looking him in the eyes.
“I never stood a chance, did I?”
Chans eyes softened before saying,
“That’s the sad part, you did once”
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