♥*♡∞:｡.｡ kim minju – a playlist
when the party’s over ; billie eilish
“quiet when i’m coming home and i’m on my own and i could lie, say i like it like that, like it like that”
she doesn’t like spending her friday nights alone inside of her room, she wants to call up a friend and go out. but she’s scared. what if she has one of her panic attacks and there’s no one around who knows what to do? what if one of her friends does something that gets them in trouble? with so many of these what ifs, it’s a risk she’s simply not willing to take.
blue ; marina and the diamonds
“gimme love, gimme dreams, gimme a good self esteem gimme good and pure, what you waiting for? gimme everything, all your heart can bring something good and true i don't wanna feel blue anymore (blue)”
being as sad as much as minju is the farthest thing from enjoyable. she wants love, she wants to achieve her goals, she wants a high self esteem, she's sick of being sad. she just doesn’t know how not to be.
drew barrymore ; sza
“why is it so hard to accept the party is over? you came with your new friends and her mom jeans and her new vans and she's perfect and i hate it, oh so glad you made it“
“i get so lonely, i forget what i'm worth we get so lonely, we pretend that this works i'm so ashamed of myself think i need therapy-y-y-y“
she has plenty of friends, and with that comes broken friendships as well. she’s often left wondering what she did wrong, and upon seeing an ex friend hanging out with someone who minju considers to prettier, smarter, and just all around better than her, she’s left feeling inferior. she constantly feels this way, especially on those nights where she’s stuck alone with her thoughts in the darkness of her room. she’s ashamed of herself.
johnny ; brockhampton
“i would keep this shit pent up if it weren’t for my mom”
“should’ve opened up my mouth more, show ‘em what my fist for, let 'em get a fistful”
she has always been able to open up to her mother and talk to her about anything. from the struggles of her mental illness to questioning her sexuality – her mother has guided her through it. sure, her mother doesn’t always understand it, but it’s nice to have someone who’s willing to listen to her.
she strongly dislikes being taken advantage up, but she can’t help it. sometimes, she just wishes she could speak up, defend herself – maybe even physically. but she could never. instead, she sits back and accepts the mistreatment that people give to her.
the last ; agust d
“at times i’m scared of myself too thanks to the depression that takes over me and all my self hatred”
“i don’t understand myself well either then who would understand? friends? or you? nobody knows me well.”
anxiety and major depression are two things that come along with minju’s panic disorder, and she just doesn’t understand why. she hates herself, she hates the thoughts she has in her head, and when her mother asks her why she feels this way, she responds with a simple “you wouldn’t understand, i don’t even understand.”
you’re somebody else ; flora cash
“well you look like yourself but you're somebody else only it ain't on the surface well you talk like yourself no, i hear someone else though now you're making me nervous”
on the surface, minju seems like your typical pretty, shy, awkward teenage girl. most people find it “quirky”, but it’s more than that. that isn’t who she is, and many people don’t have the opportunity to find that out, thankfully.
green flash ; akb48
“before twilight turns into night i’ll set aside today's sadness even a little, taking the long way is fine there might be good things tomorrow”
despite her constantly struggling in her everyday life, she knows she has people who love and care about her. because of this, she tries to keep a positive mindset, reminding herself that the next day will be better, that her pain is only temporary, and she’ll one day be happy.
