‘Self-Collaring’, my thoughts to this point...
TL;DR Blah blah blah. ‘Self-collaring’... Like a promise ring, or maybe multiple personalities?
I think a collar, is both intangible and tangible. So, it can always be a symbol, and sometimes it very much insists on certain meanings.
As a tangible physical thing, put a locking steel collar on a person, and chain them to a post in your basement... they ain’t leaving ‘til they find some tools or do what you want. That physical thing ‘means’ something.
That physical collar always means ‘bound’. Bound to what is the question. Sometimes, in the broader culture, it means ‘bound to be fashionable’. In the pornography that borrows from the culture, which borrowed from history and the BDSM culture, sometimes it’s just a signal that the wearer wants to suggest certain connotations and roles, to titillate the viewer with the fantasy.
On TV, in cop shows, a ‘collar’ means credit for arresting someone.
Sometimes a collar just means ‘I want to freak out my parents/friends/community’.
Within a smaller group than the whole of ‘BDSM’, what I will call the ‘lifestyle’ kinksters, it’s symbolism is much more serious. Among those, a collar is sometimes considered even more sacred than marriage vows.
Of course, you all know this, but I repeat it to remind myself, primarily, that MY meaning is not YOUR meaning. And, EVERYONE’S meaning is valid.
That rebellious teen may turn into a super-lifestyler, and make another kinkster SUPER HAPPY. Maybe that rebellious teen, just trying to be confrontational will eventually become a BDSM educator. So, I don’t reject the meaning attached by that person.
For myself... I see a place for play collars. I see a place for day collars. I see a place for permanent collars. Now, thinking about it, though I have never seen it, I could see a place for a tattooed collar. And, I don’t know if there is a generally accepted name for it, and this is the super serious one, I see a place for what we might call a ‘claiming collar’ or a ‘forever collar’, a collar that is offered and accepted as a sign of a binding more serious, a binding of souls/hearts/spirits/wills.
In a dynamic, I have been doggedly stubborn in communicating that I consider a ‘collar’ to be a huge serious thing, that it has certain meanings to me (as well as contradictions, duh, HUMAN!), and that if we get to that point, we should agree on a meaning BEFORE we use one.
I can see a perspective of ‘self-collaring’, though I have not heard this expressed, that says something like, “I wear this for my future Dominant (all versions/meanings)”. I had a short fling with a gal who wanted to be an exhibitionist, but who didn’t out of respect for her future Dominant, until she knew what He would want. I think that thought process or mindset could lead to a ‘self-collaring’.
Beyond that, while all kink is valid, I don’t understand the ‘self-collaring’ thing. Unless it’s multiple personalities?
[ Inspired by a Discord group daily discussion topic. ]
origamiaround
andulkaphoto
titsay
jbbartram-illu
tangentwithtanner
blakekathryn
annaxmalina
