Granny Rants

Always offer a cup of tea to someone who is sad.

[grumpyoldgranny]

I made you promise

not to die before me. I didn’t want to be left behind without you, to carry on living in grief and pain.

But tonight i lie in bed and tears start falling into my ears as i think about dying first. Walking into the unknown, falling into darkness, with the knowledge that you will not be there. You will not be around to catch me or hold my hand, because you will still be in the land of the living.

If you go first, i will be in pain, but at least i can spend the rest of my days looking forward to joining you. And when i finally do, death would not be scary at all. Whatever it is, i can hope that you will be there waiting for me. I will assume it and i will breathe my last breath smiling.

I will follow you into the dark.

[mjalti]

Putting myself gently down in a tub of boiling hot water feels so good… god should’ve made me a bag of tea honestly

[thejakelikesonions]

It’s jogging season again

[r10t3r]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[grumpyoldgranny]

THIS IS ME ALT THE TIMW.

[thejakelikesonions]

Types of people

[weloveshortvideos]

[ayellowbirds]

i knew that this must happen often because they are primarily fish-eaters, but somehow this is the first i’ve seen it.

[grumpyoldgranny]

2019 resolutions:

1) Lose half a kg every month until ideal weight

2) Run 250km this year

3) Complete a damn knitting project

[ssomebackgrounds]

[grumpyoldgranny]

Fall looks so beautiful.

[tabesugi]

[tylerposey]

where is the lie?

[madmagethistle]

to add to this “humans are weird” thing did you know that humans are the only species on earth with the ability to throw things with any significant degree of accuracy and force (apes can throw with about the force of a human ten year old, but cant lock their wrists well enough for accuracy)

and we just never really think about it bc its so easy and simple to us that pretty much all of our sports are based around the concept of throwing things accurately

so what if the concept of projectile weapons takes most species FOREVER to get the hang of, or even come up with in the first place. a human goes onto a ship and throws some trash into the nearest reclaimer, shouts “kobe!” and all the other aliens on board absolutely LOSE THEIR MINDS

[questbedhead]

I definitely didn’t know this about humans but it’s actually really neat

[grumpyoldgranny]

... I’ve never been able to throw/catch anything accurately. I am the proverbial last pick in any sports/games.

Am I an ape/alien?!

[writing-prompt-s]

Your church-going, God-worshipping sister adopted a small child and you’re excited to see them. But when you do, the child is a menace. They’re throwing things everywhere, setting furniture on fire with seemingly nothing, chanting in Latin to summon demons, but the weirdest thing is that your sister doesn’t seem to mind.

[vacantmall]

“You literally adopted the antichrist, Anne. What the fuck.”

“Yeah, I knew when I saw him at the orphanage. I figured if the kid had some decent fucking parenting that we could avoid the whole ‘Revelations’ shite. Nasty business, that.”

George, who’s name has been kindly changed from Damien, approaches his new mother with a huge spider in his hands. It promptly bursts into flames.

“Good job, love. Now go find the rest.” George’s face makes no expression, but his eyes shine when he recieves a pat on the head for his efforts.

[talieclandestine]

As the months go by, George seems to settle down. He adjusts to school, friends, and the positive reinforcement Anne gives him. She encourages the good he does, even though the powers he uses aren’t “good”. When she gets calls from the school, it’s about a rambunctious boy that won’t sit still. Not a destroyer of the world and innocence.

It’s at Christmas dinner, that you let slip your amazement to your mother. How good Anne is for him and how he’s improved a lot. Still summoning hellhounds for games of fetch, though.

“Oh, he’ll forget how to do that when he falls in love the first time,” Your mother laughs, smiling wide.

“How do you know that,” you ask bewildered.

“Because, you did.”

[solarcat]

okay so someone please write the story of the family of super-low-key holy warriors who have made it their mission to locate the antichrist in every generation (because when one gets spoiled they try AGAIN) and adopt them and love them into not being the antichrist anymore, thus perpetually delaying the apocalypse

[eldritchsandwich]

delaying the apocalypse via good parenting I love this

[writing-prompt-s]

I would love to read this

[grumpyoldgranny]

The science of today

posits that the basic way teleportation works, if it ever works, involves you being disintegrated, your particle pattern stored in a buffer, transmitted and then reassembled elsewhere.

You’re not so much being teleported as you are being replicated at another location and destroyed at the original location.

Imagine a malfunction where the original you failed to disintegrate and yet you were replicated at the destination.

Would you allow yourself to be destroyed?

[ripe]

kelseyhappyclark on ig

[prolificpencomics]

This one was written by my talented bud @raph_comics (insta) @RaphComics (twitter) and drawn by me! Check him out. This comic also made the front page of reddit today!

[archiveofidentityconstellations]

“And remember: the sky is the limit! You can be anything you want to be!”

“Thank you. I want to be a secretary.”

That stopped them short. “What?”

“A secretary,” she repeated.

“But…” they trailed off, dumbfounded. “Why? You could be a CEO, a scientist, a law–”

“I don’t want to be a CEO,” she said. “I want to be a secretary.”

[archiveofidentityconstellations]

They scoffed. “You want to answer phones all day?”

She smiled. “Yes.”

“Schedule appointments?”

“I like organizing.”

“Be a second banana?”

An affirmative nod. “I’m skilled at helping.”

“I just don’t understand,” they said. “HOW could you be okay with all of this?!”

“I enjoy the work.”

“BUT YOU CAN BE WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE!”

“I know.”

“Then WHY?!”

She shrugged.

“Because I want to be a secretary.”

[dangerously-human]

Honestly though, this is very similar to my mom’s experience. She’s always been super bright, but has realized as she’s gotten older that intellectual pursuits just aren’t her jam. She dropped out of her PhD program to have kids, and although she has her master’s and was a pretty good school psychologist, she hated having to make huge decisions. She’s a church secretary now and loves it, and she’s GOOD at it; she’s letting her school psych certification permanently expire this year with zero regrets. If you can be anything you want, that includes the things we don’t tend to value as highly as a society. Not everybody is built for or wants the “respectable” careers.

[clearlyweepingrebelel-deactivat]

My grandma did this to me, saying that i didn’t want to get stuck on the outside, making coffee and filing papers. The thing is, that’s exactly what I’ve always enjoyed the most, making and organizing things. That would be enough for me.

[mothnem]

Nobody seems to realize that if you tell people they can be anything they want to be they will. And not everyone WANTS to be doctors or lawyers or CEOs or scientists. Sometimes, they just want to be a secretary.

[jumpingjacktrash]

it took me a LOT of therapy before i was able to shrug off the effects of the Gifted Child Upbringing enough to realize that what i really wanted to be was a house husband and Local Queerdad who writes novels sometimes. god, i’m so much happier now.

ain’t nothing wrong with an ordinary life. don’t let anybody tell you you have to be the top dog to be worth anything.

[grumpyoldgranny]

I’ve always wanted to work in a boring, repetitive role. Data entry. Factory packer. Sorter of things, organiser of mess. Tedious as hell work that never ends, little to no brain work required. Imagine the things my brain can run while I’m working. I could write a whole movie in a week in my head. Imagine the things I can still do after work. I could attend a class, learn a new language, read a book.

Right now I use up so much brain at work every day, all I want to do when I get off is sploot in bed and mindlessly scroll through my phone, writing nonsense like this.