You're Not Alone

Here for those who have experienced: miscarriage, pregnancy loss, stillbirth, and or infertility. Not to give advice, but to give support – especially after such a hard loss.

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Is it bad for me to be happy and upset that my cousin is pregnant when I had a miscarriage in July and would be about 2-3 months ahead of here? We went maternity clothes shopping today and now I’m crying and not sure what to do... because she doesn’t believe I was.... so I can’t talk to her about it or my family only a few know... I don’t know how to handle this right now

It's never easy in this situation. Her not believing you is NOT okay. You deserve to be heard and you deserve for people to remember your baby. Early loss is still loss. I'm so very sorry that you're going through this.-Shannon

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I feel like I’m loosing myself. I have a 2 year old to take care of but every time I look at her I think about how great of a big sister she would be. How blessed this earth would have been if my child had made it. I can’t eat or sleep. It’s been months of misery. I don’t know how to cope.

I'm sure she would have been an amazing sister, and still could be if you want to try again. The world lost a beautiful soul and I'm very sorry.-Shannon

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My due date was suppose to be February 14. It’s also Valentine’s Day. How to I tell my husband I may not feel like celebrating it this year....

I don't know your relationship, but just try explaining to him. He may feel the same way you do. -Shannon

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I was suppose to be pregnant with my 2nd child. When we out and me and my husband were nervous but excited! Nervous because we are still learning how to be great parents with just one child. I was suppose to be in my second trimester when I went to visit my family in Florida. I had some odd discharge and thought to ignore it because I thought it may have just been old blood, but my sister insisted we go to the hospital to check it out. We went and the doctor ran tests and did an ultrasound. He came into the room, me my mom and my sister huddled up watching tv, never ever thinking it could have been possible. How could it? I was having cravings and morning sickness and everything. “I don’t have good news” he said “Your not pregnant anymore” I felt like my world was on fire. I couldent hear anything he said after that. He spoke directly to my mom after that as I sank into a puddle of tears on my sister arms. And then I had to make the call to my husband that we had lost our child. I flew home the next week. Nothing has been the same since then. I have been put on antidepressants. A few months pass and my htg levels are not coming down. Stil well over 3000. I’m put on birth control. I finnaly get my first period after the miscarriage. But only I’m having the same pain and cramping that I had going thru the miscarriage. Same clots. I’m up all night on the toilet. My legs felt numb from the pain. And then I felt something hit my cervix. I essentially birth out a mass bigger than my hand. And then I start to hemorrhage. Every step it took to get to my bedroom to wake my husband up felt like a mile. I got him up took our 2 year old to her grandmothers (next door basically) And off to the hospital we went. I was able to save the specimen and they sent it off for testing. Just when I thought I could maybe move forward I feel like I have been flung back to august. My heart is broken again. I don’t know how to deal with it.

The day after I left the hospital I lost my job. I Could not bring myself to go to work. They told me I didn’t have a doctors note so I would be marked as a no call no show. So I just stayed in bed for a few days. It’s been 3 weeks and I play along. I do what I’m suppose to do and take care of everyone around me. But it’s been hard. When I get into moods like this it’s the only thing I can think about. I found this blog and for the first time I saw other people taking about their experiences with no shame.

I just don’t know how to cope when I don’t even know how to work thru everything. I keep missing my follow up appointments because every time I go to my OBGYN there’s a pregnant women in the waiting room or a women who’s just had her baby there with her newborn and it rips me up inside. And I end up having a full blown panic attack crying and they have to rush me in. I don’t know. I feel like ripping my hair out some days.

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“"There is no heartbeat.“ I refused to hear him. The world began to spin and my ears were ringing. I was stuck on a carnival ride of emotions, but glued to the spot. I vaguely felt him move the wand inside me and felt a pressure of some sort, but couldn’t process what was happening. No heartbeat? I don’t understand. Of course there’s a heartbeat. Why else would I have never bled? Why else would I be craving lemons and water like my life depended on it. Like your life depended on it. Weight gain, mood swings, tender breasts. Heartbeat. There had to be. Tears rolled down the side of my face and into my ears. I trembled in my paper thin hospital gown. I was sprawled out and exposed; silently waiting for him to tell me he was joking. Everything is fine. 6 months from now we would be holding our beautiful baby. You would wake up startled and needing your mother. I would jump up at the slightest sound of your distraught cries and run into your room, pick you up, and breathe a sigh of relief when you became docile again. I would be holding you and rocking you back to sleep as I looked into your soft eyes. You would look up at me with so much love I’d forget how to breathe. I could hear your noise machine make soft beating sounds, like you were still safe and tucked away in my womb. I could feel your soft little hairs as they began to grow in. I could smell the fresh baby smell of innocence and perfection. I would lay you down in your bed and as I walk about of your nursery I would open your jewelry box that sang our song. “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are gray You’ll never know dear, how much I love you Please don’t take my sunshine away" "Mrs. Stamper, did you hear me? This does not look to be a viable pregnancy. I cannot find a heartbeat."” 10 weeks. I carried you for 10 weeks, but you died at 5 weeks. 5 weeks I carried you dead inside me. I can’t do this

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I know I can't be certain without a blood test, but I was wondering if someone could tell me how likely it sounds that I had a chemical pregnancy/early miscarriage without knowing it given my symptoms? Symptoms included pink discharge, followed by heavy flowing cherry Kool-aid coloured blood with unusual amounts of clot/tissue passing on and off for two days, fever, high soft cervix during blood loss, and pain during orgasm after blood loss. Thank you.

With those symptoms it is possible that you experienced an early miscarriage, also known as a chemical pregnancy. There are, however, many other reasons you could have had those symptoms. It is best to go to the doctor if you suspect that you've experienced a pregnancy loss. -Shannon

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I miscarried a baby I didn’t want. A baby I didn’t know about until it was too late. I’ve been having dreams about being pregnant. About having my own baby. About holding a child in my arms and I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve never actually wanted children, but now it’s like I’m craving it. Why is this happening to me.

Well, you say you didn’t want the baby. I, personally, feel that you may have wanted the baby more than you’re letting yourself feel. It happens, it really does. Keep your chin up, it’ll get better with time.Xoxo Sam

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Allow this journey of grief to take you to great new beginnings.

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October 15, 2017

So not only is this a month the bring awareness that 1 in 4 women lose their pregnancy and their baby, but today is the actual day to bring awareness. We are 1 in 4. We have been through a lot, but we are strong. Take the time today to let yourself grieve, especially if you haven’t. You deserve to let yourself heal, you need to.  "Each new life, no matter how fragile or brief, forever changes the world." Author unknown

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Miscarriage blog

Hello. Having recently been through a miscarriage, I am really glad to see your blog, I feel less alone... I also started one of my own and I was wondering if maybe you could share it with your followers? I explain there how my miscarriage went and what complications went after it, in hope that maybe it could help others. I also reblog some stuff related to miscarrying but everything linked to my story is tagged to be easy to find. Here is the link if you are interested: https://livingafteryou.tumblr.com/

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Are there any miscarriage support groups in Nevada? Specifically Las Vegas?

Yes there is! It’s called Jalen’s Gift Foundation! I live in Las Vegas as well. This organization is pretty great.http://www.jalensgift.org/xoxo Sam

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Source

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Always in our hearts.

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One week ago I birthed a baby girl at 19 weeks gestation. She came to us an angel. Last fall we miscarried at 10 weeks and my body held on for an extra 4 weeks. We have a healthy and happy 2 year old. I know we can do it. But I'm so mad at my body for not being able to do this very basic of feminine things. I felt my baby kick, but I didn't get to take her home. My breasts are engorged with milk but I have no baby to nourish. How do I move past this?

In my opinion, these kind of things aren't something you move past. It will get easier to handle the memories of what you've been through but the sadness will always be there. Don't be angry with yourself or your body, it's not your fault. I don't know why some women go through this. I wish I did. I'm very sorry for your losses. -Shannon

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October is National Pregnancy and Infant Awareness month, this month and every month remember your babies! (October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Awareness day)

Carly Maire has made Capture Your Grief, each day within October you’re able to post a picture that represents your grief.

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I'm crying over a baby I didn't know existed until it was too late. I'm crying over a baby I wouldn't have been ready for. Why am I crying.

Dear anon, crying over a loss is perfectly natural. Whether or not you knew that your baby was with you doesn't change the fact that you lost someone. Mourn in any way that you need to. I am truly sorry for your loss. -Shannon