Life After Miscarriage

This is my life after miscarriage, raising my son, loving my husband...

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My sister in law just announced that she's pregnant... I know deep down that I never want to be physically pregnant again but it still hurts. It hurts not because they're pregnant but because I'm scares for them... they're less then 9 weeks along..

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Haven't posted in a very long time... Life has had more ups and downs since our son Jude was born forever sleeping in February 2017. The best up is that we have become foster parents, why did this happen you may ask? Shortly after Jude passed we were contacted by California asking f we would be willing to become foster parents to are my cousins daughter into our home. We jumped on the opportunity. She should be here any day now and after six months, we will start the adoption process. Here's to hoping that 2018 will be a bright spot.

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Having a horrible mental health day..

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Life after stillbirth never seems to get better...

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It's been three months since we said hello and goodbye to our born, forever sleeping son Jude. Three months of depression, panic attacks, anxiety, etc... When will I glimpse a normal life?

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Postpartum depression and anxiety with no baby to hold is debilitating.

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Love is so incredibly hard right now. The panic attacks and crippling anxiety is making it hard to function...

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Two weeks ago..

Two weeks ago I gave birth to you.. Two weeks ago, I held you in my hands Two weeks ago, I told you hello and goodbye Two weeks have past Jude, you're ashes are home with us - your picture brings us peace.

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We will be picking up Jude's ashes today... give me strength.

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Gave birth to our sleeping son, Jude yesterday February 8th at 5:29pm. The hospital did a beautiful job taking pictures of our sweet angel.

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On our way to the hospital for induction.. It's a day to say Hello and Goodbye to our little Jude.

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Will be delivering our sleeping angel this Wednesday. My heart is so broken...

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We've decided to name our sleeping angel Jude, whether it's a boy or girl. Still waiting for either my body to go into labor or to be scheduled for induction... I feel so broken and lost.

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Broken

Sadly, we found out yesterday that our baby no longer has a heartbeat. I'm home now resting waiting to be scheduled for induction. We will be delivering our little one and having them cremated... please keep my family and especially our son who is sad and confused by this, in your thoughts and prayers.

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Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment. I'm scared that there will be no heartbeat... Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

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As I type this, I am 16 weeks pregnant. My last appointment was on the 27th of December... This time of waiting does nothing to help my anxiety. We don't see the doctor again until Thursday... Every pain, twinge, etc scares me. They say that the 16th week is a time of glow, energy, etc. This time has been robbed from me due to the anxiety of not knowing how little Shark Bait is doing in there... Please, keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I know it's selfish but, I need all the support and help I can get.

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This is the photo we gave our son on Christmas Day when we announced the pregnancy to my husbands family. Our son was skeptical of what it meant... It took some explaining and convincing. He has wanted a sibling for so long and after seven years of trying and two miscarriages, we are cautiously optimistic for this pregnancy to continue.