Wandering Pan's Forest

40's • spirit worker • godspouse • animist • they/them

[mischievous-heretic]

Who am I?

Hi, you might know me as Mischievous Heretic, or as the Heretic, or as Herry, depending on which platform you're on. I'm a lifelong spirit worker, and several years ago I became a godspouse for the Greek god Pan.

Please be 18+ to interact with me. Godspousing is an adult topic that frequently includes NSFW content. I strive not to discuss that with anyone underage.

Who do I worship?

Mostly the Greek gods, but I also have various relationships with deities from other pantheons. I have lots of experience with nature spirits and other kinds of spirits from doing spirit work, but I don't really worship any spirits.

What will you find here?

Mostly content about godspousing: education for new godspouses, encouragment for more experienced ones, and personal thoughts about my own relationships. Maybe a few things about spirit work.

You're welcome to send me anonymous questions about godspousing, spirit work, or related subjects. Life is busy so I don't always reply quickly, but I will eventually check.

Other bits and bobs:

This is a LGBTQIA+ friendly space. I am pansexual, and I don't tolerate gay bashing of any sort.

People of any gender or sexual orientation are welcome here. I'm genderfluid myself, but you can be anything. Just be civil about it.

This space is pagan friendly. I am very tolerant of other religious views, but have zero interest in converting to Christianity.

Folkism of any type is not welcome here. I can't change anyone's opinion, but I will not knowingly publish any folkist content on this blog.

I also have a godspousing podcast on Spotify. Again, life is busy so episodes are sporadic, but you might find some useful info there. Have a great day, night, or whatever!

[mischievous-heretic]

CW: mentions of gore, verbal abuse

Lately, trauma work has become more like the Dionysian gore described in his myths.

(No actual people are being harmed, in case you're worried. The violence is strictly metaphorical and internal.)

I had an abusive family.

Like most people in that situation do, I internalized a lot of their nasty patterns as my internal critic, which over time became off the charts cruel.

After many years I got used to it, instead of getting angry and pushing back.

Anger can be healthy too, at times.

So my gods (UPG) suggested I oppose those abusive internalized voices.

Not just telling them to shut up or arguing they're wrong (because that doesn't help much), but figuratively ripping their heads off until they're silenced, à la Dionysus.

Now when the internal audience of ancestral voices start abusing me, I say things like:

"Who are you to insist I'm a horrible person for merely existing? When I'm allowed to be average? What right do you have to threaten me with punishment for just cleaning my house? You never actually saw who I am in the first place. You don't know shit about me! Stfu, liars!"

If they don't, that's when I start ripping their arguments limb from limb and slaughtering those old voices.

Dionysus is definitely invited to supper, bloody fangs and all!

I'm serving up his fav dish: Transformation Dinner here in the wilds of my soul.

Dear gods, help me be a good maenad!

[mischievous-heretic]

Early morning coffee thoughts. Relational safety is A Thing in my spiritual relationships.

I feel safe with my gods and spirits. They feel safe with me, hopefully.

Now sure, the gods are big and powerful. You wouldn't think they'd care about feeling safe.

After all, some have their aspects seem entirely inhuman and are probably incapable of feeling emotion, like gravity doesn't care about anyone. Just does its job.

But... then it seems there are divine aspects which are more human-like. These seem to enjoy feeling safe with someone.

They open like flowers, unfurling themselves in trust. What magnificent vulnerability! What divine beauty!

To me this spiritual communion is so sweet!

However, this now places a huge responsibility on me to be kind, to maintain a safe place for them to open up. I could destroy their trust in a moment's rage, and then I'd lose this treasure of their safety and the sweet intimacy it fosters.

To prevent that, I must govern myself so that I remain safe, even when upset.

This requires inner strength to leash my tongue when triggered, to remain kind even when fatigued or ill, and not use my changeable human condition as an excuse for casual cruelty.

Maintaining relational safety is hard work!

Over the years, I've had to do trauma work on my triggers, examine myself to understand emotional reactivity, and learn better communication skills.

Tenderness is not weakness or stupidity.

It is the strength of self-restraint, and the wisdom of gentleness.

[emmieaster]

A Huntress’s Crown ⏾⋆.˚

[requiem-on-water]

Sulfur combusts on contact with air to create stunning blue lava-like rivers of light in the Kawah Ijen crater on the island of Java | Ph: Olivier Grunewald

[mischievous-heretic]

No, you cannot order a godspousing relationship with your preferred deity or spirit off Amazon, receive it next day Prime, and live a romantic fairytale to the end of your days.

That is Not It.

Godspousing is regular effort, especially if you want a deep close relationship.

Expect to do the work.

[mischievous-heretic]

I never know how to respond to SPG.

When someone talks about their UPG of a god or spirit and I have experienced similar with that entity, I don't know what to do.

Should I speak up and mention my UPG, so we can call it SPG now? Is agreement wanted?

Or would the other person feel less special, if they discover their spiritual experience isn't unique and singular?

I don't want to hurt anyone, so keep quiet.

[kika-ila]

Dionysus, Ariadne and the crown of stars✨

[mischievous-heretic]

When I go to a new forest and introduce myself (as one should) the spirits say, "Yes, we know what you are. Welcome."

When I go into human spaces people say, "You're strange. Wtf are you anyway?"

It doesn't matter how excellent my manners are. I must smell funny, like moss and mud perhaps?

One of my gods gently suggested I talk more about certain things, but I don't know how.

There's a reason some spirit workers silently slink off to the woods.

They don't feel safe anywhere else.

[satyricalclown]

dancing with the horned one

[mischievous-heretic]

Pan, with one of his many nymphs. Adorable!

[mischievous-heretic]

Myths are symbolic.

The gods, spirits, and other people in lore are symbols.

The objects in those myths are symbols.

Whatever the gods said or did in their myths are symbols too.

So no, I don't think your average deity behaved in whatever horrifying way those ancient tales say they did.

Why?

Because everything in a myth is a plot device representing other more abstract concepts.

It's like a fable, constructed to teach a hidden lesson.

Don't believe me? You don't have to.

Here's Sallustius, a 4th century Roman philosopher, in On the Gods and the World:

...to wish to teach the whole truth about the Gods to all produces contempt in the foolish, because they cannot understand, and lack of zeal in the good, whereas to conceal the truth by myths prevents the contempt of the foolish, and compels the good to practice philosophy. But why have they put in the myths stories of adultery, robbery, father-binding, and all the other absurdity? Is not that perhaps a thing worthy of admiration, done so that by means of the visible absurdity the soul may immediately feel that the words are veils and believe the truth to be a mystery? ...Now these things never happened, but always are. And mind sees all things at once, but reason (or speech) expresses some first and others after. (emphasis mine)

According to Sallustius here, myths use words as veils to hide certain spiritual truths. If you want to know those truths, you must as he says "practice philosophy." Meaning you have to think hard about the symbolism in these myths, instead of reading them at face value.

Further, Sallustius finds it admirable how silly some myths are, how far they go into absurdity, to symbolize spiritual concepts. He seems to view myth writing as a divinely inspired art deliberately disguised as utter crap. The worse the myth, the higher the art form.

In other words, "Dudes, it's so freaking obvious our gods would never do this shit! That's why we write this way. We figure you'll see how ridiculously far from our gods' true character this is and know it's all symbolic."

Plato agreed with myths being symbolic as well, but I won't lengthen this post by adding that quote also. Hit me up in the comments if you want that.

Hopefully you can see how silly it is to read a myth as literal? How doing so is missing the point completely?

However, I am not the boss of you.

If you really want to think all myths are literal accounts of historical events, you can certainly believe that!

Just kindly take yourself elsewhere.

I am a firm believer in mythic symbolism.

[mischievous-heretic]

Just read an old blog post from someone about their experience with Pan.

In it, they mentioned their experience is: Pan is a very simple deity, while Dionysus' nature is more complex.

I had a good chuckle!

Yes, everyone is entitled to their UPG.

However in my experience, Dionysus and Pan are both complicated deities.

Explaining either of them would require whole essays.

But I spend more time with Pan so have greater understanding of his depth, and wow! He can be so many things!

Do not tell me Pan is simple!

[zdraste1kto1was1zwal]

Pan 🌿🌼

[wayfind-er]

The moment you realize that Ancient Greece wasn’t a monolith and that there are exceptions to every “rule,” practice gets a lot easier

[kebriones]

Phanes design i had to get out of my brain or i was gonna lose it. based on that one 2nd century relief and my own dionysus design to an extent.

[mischievous-heretic]

This deity... is amazing!

[lasmishen]

God of wine

[mischievous-heretic]

Today, very idgaf about the usual hamster wheel of productivity.

Chilled with one of my gods. Did a hike, lots of theological discussion, housework, and now gardening.

It's nice to reconnect with this deity.

I don't usually give his name because he's one of the more obscure ones I know, but he's relaxing to spend time with. I enjoy his presence!