Still suffering
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Janaina Medeiros
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@miserableheaux
Still suffering
If someone does triggering things and they know it's triggering but do it anyway, they don't care about you
My existence is pointless. I don't want to be here. I don't deserve to be here.
I love how my family knows I have OCD and what triggers it but still continue to do those things because they'd be mildly inconvenienced while I'm almost having a panic attack doing the compulsions that come afterwards
Things are exactly how I left them BUT I should probably do a tiring, time consuming ritual just to be safe
Whenever someone catches me doing a compulsion I get all anxious and fuck up what I was doing cause I'm trying to look ""normal"" and end up having to start over cause what just happened was worse than the reason I started in the first place
Everyone is probably tired of hearing me say this but I literally cannot wait to die
Knowing you'll likely be alone and friendless forever cause ocd has completely taken over and you can't leave the house, your compulsions are out of control and asking people not to do triggering things is too much because everything is a trigger.
"Don't kill yourself. People care about you. You are loved"
No offense to them but I literally do not care
OCD is cool because I literally cannot escape any of my triggers and I'm so fucking tired
Anyway, I'm ready to die like there is really no reason to stay at this point and I'm tired
I love how I'm the selfish one for being suicidal and not all the people who want me alive even though I'm miserable
Finding a therapist is so hopeless like wow what is even the point?
High key jealous as fuck of everyone who isn’t suicidal or mentally ill
v upset that I didn’t die in my sleep last night
The whole “people love you” thing people say to those who are suicidal doesn’t help me because I know they do and I wish they didn’t cause I wanna fucking die
OCD literally makes me wanna kill myself !!