Emjay

“As I’m leaning my head back, saying take me I ain’t gonna scream” AMBER WAVES

[mishallie]

LAKEHOUSE- KATSUKI BAKUGOU X READER PART 4

A/n: THANKYOU for all the support I’ve had so far! I’m going to be away for the next few days so updates will be slow as i won’t have my iPad to write, but i hope you can enjoy! This chapter will have smut so click off if you feel uncomfortable. Happy reading!

Again this is not proofread im so sorry its 4am

Warnings: angst, mentions of abuse, drugs, sh, smut, mdni

Katsuki’s hands were restless in his lap as he clenched and unclenched his fists, mind spinning with a blur of sadness, relief and happiness as he’d found you, but you were adamant on staying.

‘[yourname] you’re wasting your damn time here. You’ll be happy as a hero right beside me, helping people and all that shit. What, you think because you ran away to some shitty falling apart lake house you’ll find eternal happiness? Did i really mean that little to you?’ His anger resurfacing without even knowing, frustrated whilst his heart was like putty in your hands.

‘Who are you to dictate where i will or won’t be happy? Just because i left doesn’t mean I’ve moved on or hate you, i just needed to get away from that place. I don’t know if I’ll stay here forever, but for now i plan on staying.’

He lets out a frustrated sigh before snatching your hand into his, relishing in its newfound softness. The visibility of your fingerprints that were waiting to be uncovered beneath the callouses were now touching his scarred, sweaty palms, the new length of your nails grazing his knuckles. This was the first time he’d touched you in 3 months and it felt like every nerve in his body had been set alight, despite it only being your hand.

‘So there’s a chance you’ll come back?’

‘…no.’

‘Fuck, was it me? What did i do. Just say it. Tell me I’m too fucking loud, too angry and explosive and hard to be around and I’ll leave this goddamn shithole and go back to UA. I won’t chase after you ever again and I’ll leave you here. What is it that i did?’

The rawness in his voice and the way it broke made you want to abandon everything you’d built and the parts of yourself you had to rebuild to deal with losing him.

‘Katsuki, it’s not you. It’s never been you, this isn’t your fau-‘

‘I’m sick and fucking tired of everyone saying that!! I know when shit is my fault and right now it damn well feels like it is!’

‘Kats i want you to look me dead in my face and tell me you think I’d start a relationship with you because i thought all of that. That’s bullshit.’

He stilled momentarily.

‘No.’

‘It’s not you baby, it’s not. Stop feeding yourself that delusion.’

‘How can i when you up and left without even caring?’

With tentative fingers you held up the hem of your shirt, revealing a flurry of fresh red lines left on your hip bone. Katsuki’s eyes widened, taking them in, voice breaking.

‘I was so guilty for leaving you…i relapsed.’

‘Oh…[yourname]…fuck, SHIT!’

He stood up with a frustrated huff, realising he was wrong. You stood to follow suit, reaching for his hand, but before you could even graze his fingertips, he’d grabbed your waist and pressed you against the wall, kissing you so harshly it knocked all the air out of your lungs. He moved one hand to the small of your back and the other to the back of your head while you cupped his cheeks so tenderly he could cry, the gentle hold you had on his face being a stark contrast to the roughness of the kiss. 3 months without this and he felt crazed, drunk on your scent and your feel, skin slightly cold from the water you were wading in previously. Your neck was craned upwards slightly to kiss him- he’d grown taller again, to about 5’’11 when before he was only slightly above eye level. He had a late growth spurt, having been your height for the entirety of your first year and only growing taller by the second. He was definitely still growing, the memory of the first time he realised he was taller than you flashed through your mind. He laughed so triumphantly whilst pointing in your face while you could only smile and tell him it was about time. The memories flooding into your mind only made you kiss him harder, pushing your tongue into his mouth.

He complied, feeling the hot muscle trace his gums before fighting his own. You moved one hand lower to grab his jaw, slackening it so you could suck on his tongue, earning you a low grunt that erupted from his chest. You moved your hands lower to his beefy biceps before squeezing and trailing your hand back down to the hem of his shirt, tugging at it to signal that you wanted it off. He pulled away for what felt like a millisecond to throw his shirt somewhere before picking you up by the backs of your thighs and placing you on the bed, moving his kisses to your neck and biting, ensuring the purple that would blossom in its place tomorrow. You whimpered and whined as he took his time on your neck and the sensitive spots below your jaw and on your collarbones. He pulled away to look up at you, his eyes blown wide telling you all you needed to know, so you nodded hurriedly and sat up slightly so he could pull your damp shirt off your head.

He gazed down at you now only left in your panties, marvelling at the sight of you so bare before him. Your boobs, round and soft that teetered to each side due to being on your back, leaving an exposed part of your sternum he could kiss. So he did just that. He kissed each and every scar left by the war or past abusers as if his lips could erase the memory entirely, before reaching your core.

‘Can i?’

You only nodded hurriedly with a hushed yes, lifting your lips. He pulled your panties down, leaving you fully naked. He used his pointer and middle finger on his bad hand to spread your dripping folds, cock twitching in his pants at the sight of you so wet, so vulnerable before him. He started by planting wet kisses over your clit, before sucking softly using his tongue to flick over it. Your hands rushed to his ash blonde hair, holding him in place. His other hand went to your aching hole, working in one digit, then two, then a third that made you cry out his name and arch off the mattress.

‘Ohh fuck kats- shit i-I’m so close!!’ Your Words came out as broken whimpers before gushing all over his face while he ate you like a man starved before licking it all up and coming back up to kiss you and let you taste yourself. He groaned into your mouth when he felt you reach for his buckle, fumbling with it before using your quirk to pull them down along with his pants. He pulled out a condom from somewhere random you didn’t think to question before taking out his aching 7.5 inches of girth and rolling it on. He aligned himself after spitting on it, waiting for your approval.

‘Kats please, please move i need it so bad’

‘I’ll go slow baby, okay?’

It was your first time in 3 months after all, so you relaxed as he slid himself into your pussy inch by inch, feeling the squeeze strangling him, practically milking him already.

‘Shit-pussy so fuckin’ tight f’me’

After bottoming out with a grunt, he leaned down and kissed you again. His lips could only stand to be apart from yours for a few minutes as a time before he physically needed the contact again. You wrapped your legs around his waist before he started moving in and out of you with a practised ease that reminded you of those late nights in your dorm Katsuki swore he’d never fall victim to.

‘Oo-oh fuck you’re so deep’, panting now, moaning shamelessly louder than the creak of the bed, borderline sobbing from the overstimulation when he’d eaten you out before. He added the pad of his thumb to your clit after biting down into your shoulder to not moan like a pornstar at the feeling of your gummy walls being wrapped around him so deliciously.

‘Hnngh-fuck-‘s too much!’

‘You can take it. Take it all.’

‘Kats-nggghh- oh i love you i love you so much’

The words spilled from your lips in an endless, fucked-out flow as he kissed you again with the same if not more intensity than before.

‘Fuck baby i love you too. Love you so fuckin’ bad’,

His words sent you both over the edge as he made you cum for the second time and he spilled his load into the condom, hips pistoning erratically as he came down from his high, pressed on top of you. He waited until he softened and then pulled out as you whimpered from the loss, clenching around nothing.

It wasn’t until he felt an unfamiliar wet sensation drip onto his forehead and your body shaking gently beneath him that his face rose from the crook of your neck.

You were crying.

For the first time.

In front of him.

He’d never seen you cry before- not after the war, or when you told him your parents passed, or when you fought. You were usually so reserved when it came to vulnerability, causing a sense of pride to warm his chest knowing you trusted him that much.

But here you were, a sniffling mess, eyes reddened from the salty fluids falling out the sides and wetting your lashes. He panicked almost immediately,

‘Shit- did i go too hard?’

‘No, no. It’s just that I love you so much and I’ve only ever said that to people I’ve lost. And i walked away from you knowing i loved you but now you’re back and i don’t know what to do because you don’t belong here. You belong in UA.’

‘Hey hey, quit it with that. I came here for a damn reason, not a fucking field trip. How about this- i stay for 2 weeks to spend time with you, then we can figure some shit out. Just for me to see you. That alright with you?

‘Yeah.’

‘Good.’

He got up and grabbed a wet towel to wipe you down before putting plasters over your hips that he made sure to be gentle with, putting his shirt on you and curling into you. His legs were locked in a tight tangle with yours as his huge arms caged you to his chest. Your smaller ones were slung over his broad frame, nearly falling off the vast expanse of his back. He held you so tightly as if he was terrified of losing you ever again, which he was so he only held you tighter as you nuzzled into his shoulder, kissing his collarbone. The skin to skin contact made you hot, but this felt like all you’d ever wanted. If life ended here you’d die the happiest woman on earth.

‘Love you Kats’.

‘Love you too idiot. Sleep now.’

He waited until you were long passed out before succumbing to sleep himself, the best one he’d had in 3 months.

R

[mishallie]

LAKEHOUSE- KATSUKI BAKUGOU X READER PART 3

A\n: thank you for all the people that have made it this far! Please leave requests

Warnings: mentions of drugs, abuse, angst, death, blood, bad coping mechanisms, not proofreading bcs it’s 3am.

It had been three weeks since you left. Everyone tried settling back into usual routines of classes and training, silently pretending the ache in their chests didn’t linger after the loss of their classmate. The air felt colder even though the weeks of summer weren’t over, maybe it was the emptiness that created an icy layer of grief over everyone. Heroes and police were getting less involved, partially due to your request to not be found accompanied by your reassurance that you wouldn’t fall into crime, as well as the chances becoming slimmer of you ever being found. You left to trace.

Katsuki was relentless.

Visiting the police station day after day chasing leads, chasing you, chasing the soothing sensation of your lips on his again. He felt depraved, like a man starved wishing on a star for his world to return to his lap. He didn’t become aggressive, just scarily quiet, falling deeper and deeper into a crazed hole where there was nothing but black with no anchor to pull him out. He’d drive and drive and drive and walk and run in an aimless pursuit of finding you, face wet with sweat and tears, so now all he needed was blood. It felt like his had frozen over and come to a standstill in his veins without you to pump it through him.

It confused him intensely as to why he felt so lost. He never thought he could ever get this attached to anyone, let alone love someone so deeply to let it damage him.

2 more months pass. They’re now third years.

Your nightmares eased, perhaps it was the gentle sway of the leaves that infiltrated your brainwaves to calm your sleep and becoming natural melatonin, the lake luring you into its comfort, pruning your fingers so deeply they looked like the remnants the trenches left on the south of France, leaving its mark on you, branding you as its property as if it wanted to give you gills so you could breathe inside it forever. But your body wasn’t a battlefield- at least not anymore. You hadn’t fought in weeks, giving your muscles the mercy they’ve been needing since you were in the womb, languid and relaxed, surrounded by the warmth of the amniotic fluid. The lake was cold, but the way the water hugged you so invitingly felt like the embrace of a mother, as if it was always made for your arms, washing away the callouses and bruises with its gentility. Your hair fell free, tumbling over your shoulders and tickling your collarbone almost playfully, as if the waves you’d let loose were laughing in celebration of being released from the shackles of a tight low bun you wore during fights so to not get your hair pulled or cut. You’d cut it shorter to just above your boob, a way below your collarbone so you wouldn’t be recognised as easily. The constant swimming in the lake washed away the dye, leaving the natural dark hue your hair returned to. You put back your piercings that you had to remove due to sparring and looking professional enough in hero interviews, the cold metal curling around each side of your bottom lip in the same way it did when you were 13. You grew out your nails and gave up on base makeup, only using mascara and black eyeliner for your waterline to add some more dimension to your eyes that slowly but surely were gaining some life back into them.

You’d returned to the diner by the old motel for a job to keep you busy and make you some cash once the lake house was in a stable enough condition for your satisfaction. You donned a navy blue apron that branded you as a waitress- which you’d grown to like. You could use your quirk to carry multiple dishes at once during the dinner rushes and stabilise a tray of beers so not to upset any tables of middle aged men on a night out. Tips were always good because people around here were generous and had more cash to spare due to local resources being cheaper considering the lack of big department stores or inflated prices reaching the isolated town. You never really asked where you were or bothered to google it, leaving your phone dead 6 days out of the week. You didn’t need to know because you already knew it felt more homely than anywhere else.

Another person you’d grown to love was your coworker, Izzy. She was a year younger than you and had a youthful spark in her eyes that signalled determination to make her family proud. She was a little clumsy and airheaded, but she knew how to make you laugh even during slow opening shifts or rowdy customer brawls at the bar. You hadn’t grown intensely close enough to call it sisterhood, but her unwavering presence was comforting. She gave up on her barrage of questions after your first week and accepted you like an old friend.

Things were already starting to look up and so were you. Izzy commented when you looked less tired despite long shifts of being on your feet and she complimented the way your piercings moved when you smiled, geeking at the cold metal like it was the most fascinating thing shed seen. For all you knew it might’ve been as she’d lived here forever, but it didn’t show. She didn’t yearn for a big city life and a high rise apartments with walls too white and too tall to feel like home, she yearned for community and for connection. She never yearned for love or for acceptance because it had never been questioned, which was a trait you didn’t know whether to admire or envy. She made her simple life work with her trademark dimpled smile and hyperbolic hand gestures that moved with the rest of her body. She was small, not in a worrying way, but roughly only 5’’3 and relatively slim. You on the other hand were katsuki’s height and respectably lean from fighting, which helped with carrying big bags of flour for the cooks and crates of cheap wine. Not with tackling your opponent or pushing yourself out of fallen rubble, but to help with errands around the diner.

It was roughly a 25 minute walk from the lakehouse, a 15 minute drive, but you took the walk anyway to memorise the old houses and power lines, to gaze at stray animals and random vending machines, road signs that were faded and disregarded because everyone knew to drive slow anyway. Except for the guys you met outside the liquor store. Their names were milo, sato, Riki and ko (short for kuroko). They often took you on joyrides in the dead of night, smoking in the back and squished between sweaty bodies. Not that any of you minded. They never tried anything weird with you despite their constant dirty jokes (mainly to each other), the closest you’d gotten to them having been giving them piercings after revealing yours were done at home and the backseat of the car you were now sat in, roaring with laughter.

You all hobbled out the car, limbs slow and relaxed as you went through the back of the diner to the kitchen to snack on leftover hotdogs and bacon when you all got the munchies. The cleaner was shouting at milo for dropping a drink and ko was laughing like the spilled cider was the happiest thing he’d ever seen. Riki and sato ate beside you, your head resting lazily on sato’s shoulder.

‘Oh yeah..i never asked you…you don’t got anybody waiting for you back in the city?’, he inquired

‘Nah…its just me.’

‘Ooooohh she’s lying! I can see the blush on her cheeks- she’s got a hot sexy hunk of a man waiting laid up in bed for her to return’, Riki teased, sarcastically kissing each bicep and cooing at you.

You only laughed at his antics, knowing Riki was right.

Except he wasn’t. Because Katsuki was done waiting.

After another month of red-eyed late nights and station visits that only left him with a pitiful smile that he could only yell at, he was driving down the same winding road you found yourself on 3 months ago on an empty stomach, half greened out half carsick.

You were playing in the water, milo smoking on the jetty, occasionally bending down to your submerged form to give you a hit. You weren’t naked, donning one of your old shirts and some underwear that was concealed by the frayed hem of the band tee that now stuck to your body like glue. Milo was rambling on about this girl from a town over he’d seen on his last holiday, talking about their time together and how he was so mad she’d ghosted him. You laughed at his pout, bouncing in the water on your tiptoes.

So when Katsuki peers through the trees and sees you laughing with another man, he feels his heart drop further than it already had, if that was even possible.

He saw the smoke curling between you two as a symbol of the indirect kiss- you’d forgotten all about him.

You were smiling at him with a joy he hadn’t seen anywhere near you in months, your hair loose and free in its natural waves he’d never seen you in, as well as your bare face which he’d only seen in the grace of his dimly lit dorm when you slept over.

Fuck, you were beautiful. Ethereal, even. He never thought he’d use such language to describe someone, let alone someone that had driven 3 hours away from him and the safety of his arms.

A beautiful he could only gaze at from afar, as you kick your feet through the ripples of the lake with a carefree attitude he never knew you had.

A hand pats his shoulder, snapping him out of his heartbroken trance.

‘Yo, you lost? I’ve never seen you here before’. Sato’s voice rang in his ears like nails on chalkboard, a reminder that he was not where he belonged- but you were.

‘..get off’.

‘Woah…sorry dude, I’m sato. Hey, aren’t you the guy from UA that fought in that massive war 2 years ago? Are there villains here or sumthin?’

‘…no. I’m here for her.’ Sato’s eyes watch katsuki’s gaze and see how it lands on you, eyes widening in realisation.

‘..wait..is she…?’

‘Yeah. A hero.’

‘Oh my god i see it now. She’s the girl with the telekinesis quirk that helped you!! Shit i see it now. It’s the hair, man. She changed it.’

Katsuki was still staring and sato caught on, his lip curling into a knowing smirk

‘If you’ve driven 3 hours you might as well speak to her. I’m not gonna tell you nothin’ since you came all this way. Go get her, man’

But Katsuki didn’t need any encouragement as he was already wading his way through the trees, snapping branches that obstructed his path like they personally offended him. He reached the foot of the lake and your blood went cold as you took him in, face paling at the sight of those ruby red orbs you knew all too well staring down at you playing fried mermaids.

What was he doing here.

And why did he look like that?

He’d grown a slight blonde stubble around his chin, and his eyes were more tired than they were before. His shoulders were still as broad, but he looked smaller. As if the world had been wearing away at him since you left.

You exited the water immediately and milo went over to sato, too high to fully register the hero standing in front of him.

Katsuki’s eyes draped over your form, how your muscles weren’t as sharply defined as before, the waves in your hair and the piercings you’d put back in. You looked at him shocked before taking him by the arm and trying to walk inside, but all 5 feet and 11 inches of him didn’t budge.

‘Why the fuck did you run from me.’

‘I…bakugo i explained it in the letter.’

‘I know what the damn letter said. And what the hell? Bakugo? What happened to kats? Or at least Katsuki? Have you forgotten all about me in what, three months?’

‘I said that in the letter too. I said I wouldn’t ever forget you. Me and him aren’t dating, he’s just my friend.’

‘Yeah well i thought it was obvious i didn’t give two shits what you told me. If i did i wouldn’t be here and i wouldn’t have torn my fucking hair out trying to find you. And i also don’t give a third shit about that random ass guy you were smoking with, I’m here for you. To get you back.’

‘You know i couldn’t stay in UA. That place isnt for people like me.’

‘Izuku didnt think that either! He still came back stronger than ever and stayed!!’

‘Well im not izuku. He was always so passionate about heroism and he was redeemed. That was also ages ago. I’m not a hero anymore.’

That line hit him hard, causing him to stiffen. You had really given up on being a hero.

‘I read that too. I wanted to ignore it. But now i realise you really don’t want that shit anymore. I…i guess i always assumed you would be.’

‘…i don’t want it anymore.’

A tense silence fell between you both, causing his hands to ball up into fists. There was nothing he could do to get you to be a hero. You turned on your heel to walk inside, the wetness seeping through your clothes only making the situation more uncomfortable. He trailed behind you with the stance of a lost puppy but the desperation of a man starved. You headed to the bedroom to get a towel and he followed, his footsteps creaking heavier than yours with more intensity.

As you ruffled the towel through your hair, he gazed up at you from where he’d sat on the edge of the bed.

‘I don’t know what to do without you.’

The raw honesty in his voice made your hands stop, sitting beside him, not close enough for your bare thigh to touch his clothed one because both of you knew the slightest contact would cause you to break.

‘Everything i said in the letter was true. I think of you everyday and i wish there was a way i could be with you again. I just don’t know how, Katsuki. You’re meant for the hero life, I’m meant to be here.’

‘You’ve only been here for 3 months. We’ve known each other for 2 goddamn years.’

‘I know i know, but…i think I’m starting to feel happy again.’

He didn’t know whether to scream or to cry, but he knew he wouldn’t run. Because Katsuki Bakugou has never run from anything in his godforsaken life, so he sure as hell won’t be running away from you.

But what will he do, when his body belongs in UA, but his heart belongs to beat beside yours?

[mishallie]

LAKEHOUSE- KATSUKI BAKUGOU X READER PART 2

A/n: thank you for over 20 likes on part one! I’m still new to writing on tumblr so please forgive any mistakes and i dont have many posts or reblogs on my page so if you want to find all the parts just scroll on my account. Enjoy!! No ai was used in the creation of this, please dont plagiarise my work.

Wc: i literally dont know can someone teach me where to find it.

Warnings: mentions of drugs and bad coping mechanisms, angst, abuse, reader had a bad childhood, this takes place after the war so mentions of blood and violence.

After three nights in the shitty motel eating nothing but the complementary breakfast that consisted of sad looking eggs and soggy toast, the receptionist couldn’t permit you to stay any longer. You took your bag and headed to somewhere else, slinging it over your shoulder with an exhausted motivation to chase another home.

Somewhere to chase the high. The high felt like home.

Your stash was on its last legs and you needed a dealer so you went to the liquor store, sat outside in a crumpled heap on your knees watching the odd car or motorbike pass by as if the vehicles were pitying every minute your hands spent grazing the floor. It wasn’t until late at night when the shop owner came out and offered you a smoke with sad yet knowing eyes, likely suggesting he’d been there before. You took it, needing any kind of relief you could get.

‘..uh..do you know any dealers around here? For weed?’

‘Sure. There’s these young’ uns that come ‘round in about twenty minutes or so. They’d probably pity a lost one like you. They’re your age and they don’t mean trouble, if they try anything just let me know, okay?’

‘..I’m not lost’, but the slight hesitation in your voice said otherwise.

‘Nobody comes ‘round these parts unless they’re running from something. What is it then, huh? Family, responsibilities, the law?’

‘Everything, i guess.’

‘Yeah..life does that to ya. You’ll get through it kiddo. Now gimme my damn lighter back.’

You huffed a small chuckle, the closest you’d gotten to a proper smile in days, not realising you’d been flicking the flame back and forth between your shaky fingers. He was right. Around 20 minutes later the group of guys sold you some weed and you’d all smoked together. You were glad they were around your age and were clearly already geeked off their asses so they weren’t aggressive or anything. Starting a fight around here was likely the worst thing you could’ve done right now. They hadn’t seen you around before so they asked the same question- where were you running to and what from- to which you didn’t answer- the haze from the smoke clouding any answer you could’ve given.

‘There’s an abandoned lakehouse around 15 minutes from here. It’s a right fuckin’ dump but it’s shelter. And free. Nobody really goes down there since all the fish died and the old men left to retirement homes in bigger towns.’

‘..thanks. Can i call you? For more stuff?’

‘No need. We’ll be here. We always are most days of the week, old man at the liquor store lets us hang around’

‘Thank you guys.’

‘No problem. There aren’t any villains around here, but some people can try to cause trouble.’

With that, you drove off until a murky lake came into view.

The abandoned lake house stood in silence, its reflection broken by the slow ripples of the dark water that told stories from long before you. Empty windows stared across the lake like hollow eyes, watching a world that had long since forgotten them. They were right. It was a right dump. If you thought the motel stank, this one took the cake. Wood damp from years of the rain wearing away at the fibres and mould in all the bathrooms, as well as the odd spider family in nooks and crannies you didn’t want to discover. Nature had become the only faithful resident, weaving roots and branches through every forgotten corner.

Time had settled over the house like a layer of dust, softening every edge except the feeling that someone had once called it home, what had once been a place of laughter now echoed only with the gentle lapping of water against rotten pilings. Exhausted from the day, you flopped onto an old mattress and slept for a few hours until the light seeped into the cracked window and into your brain, waking you up fully. Padding lazy feet into the bathroom, you tested the water. It was running, and clear. You showered and changed, feeling as fresh as you could in a place where ‘stagnant’ was embedded into every cubic inch.

Searching in the back of your bag for the stolen snacks you got from the shop, they satiated you enough to be grateful as much as you were guilty for betraying the kind shop owner.

Dawn was breaking when you decided to get started working on the house. You firstly used your quirk to extract any mysterious bugs and guide them outside into the woods, ensuring the force output wasn’t too much and accidentally crush any spindly legs. You scrubbed mould as hard as you could and used your quirk again to push fallen wood back into its rightful place. By the end of the day the place already seemed more structured, enough for you at least. You see, when people come from broken homes and isolation, escapism is as euphoric of a high as you can get no matter the place.

Slumped on the floor curled between the coffee table and the couch cushions, you pulled your phone from your pocket. The charm on the phone case still dangled like normal- a beaded cat you bought from a street vendor somewhere on holiday. In the back where the card holder was, a Polaroid of you, Mina, Katsuki, Kirishima, Sero and Denki was slightly frayed at the edges as if you were old and missing them from earth and they waited for you in the afterlife, their smiles promising a hopeful life for you beyond the pressures you felt. You tucked it back away, clicking the screen and seeing 2%. You saw a flurry of texts and missed calls from your friends and from Katsuki. The most you’d ever seen him send considering he loved reaction emojis and one word replies. The electricity was faulty, with the only sockets having wavering currents. You missed Denki’s quirk and how it could charge a phone almost instantly unless he accidentally overpowered it and blew the fuse. It never mattered because Katsuki always had spare phones due to previous habits of breaking or crushing them, even without them his allowance was more than enough to cover them. The memory made you smile sadly, looking at the work you’d done and questioning if it was worth it. They were truly what made the whole experience at UA bearable, yet your spiral overrode your love for them. The thought of them ached in your heart like a weight that had been dropped right into a ventricle, dragging you down from the inside, sinking deeper into the floorboards.

By the time dusk fell you were sat on the creaky jetty that protruded out onto the lake like a skeletal hand, smoking some of the weed that you got yesterday, fumbling with the lighter between your now splintered fingers, silently wishing for the guy’s spark quirk he used yesterday. You gazed off into the trees that loomed before you, wondering what they’d seen before you came. If they’d seen villains, past heroes, fugitives…what story did they tell the wind? Did the wind answer, or did it already know?

You took off your battered shoes and socks and dipped your feet in the murky water, seeing your chipped nail polish poke through the surface, juxtaposing the natural darkness below the water. After smoking some more you fully stripped, cold air hitting your skin causing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand at attention. The water enveloped you whole as you submerged yourself, its icy arms embracing you as if you were always meant to be there.

Maybe you were.

Katsuki thought otherwise.

It had been a week or so since you left.

He hadn’t been himself. Not at all.

His friends were concerned of course having known of your relationship, seeing their usually so defensive and stoic friend crumble over losing you only added to their grief, not fighting, speaking, even eating less. The letters you wrote to each person were read out in the common room over tears and momo’s chamomile tea that didn’t calm anyone and eventually went cold, the typically so positive and optimistic classmate shedding tears herself as she poured it down the drain when nobody left, as if the tea symbolised a much greater loss than some boiled water. You’d written a letter to everyone, even the people you didn’t speak to just out of respect and appreciation for them. Katsuki didn’t leave his room for a day after he read his, which was monumental for him as he was almost always in the gym, training, fighting or studying, doing anything to work toward his ultimate goal of becoming a hero.

Dear Katsuki,

If you’re reading this letter it means I’ve finally brought myself to the end and I’ve left. Ive left UA, but I haven’t left you. No matter how far away i am i know I’m going to think of you everyday even though i have no idea where im going to go. Just not here. Anywhere but here. I doubt you’d understand what I’m about to say but I’ll ask it of you anyway, because I know I’m one of the only people that know just how accommodating you are. You’re more empathetic than others make you out to be, which is one of the many things about you i admire because i didn’t harbour enough of it to stay.

You’ve always been determined to become the number one hero and i have not a sliver of doubt that you’ll become just that. I dont need to talk about your quirk or your strength because we all know that well enough and that’s not why i’m in love with you. In a society where many are defined by their quirk, when it comes to loving you it doesnt play a single part in that role. The path of heroes and endless righteousness is not one i can follow. Don’t mistake this for me becoming a criminal or forming my own little league of villains because that would never happen. I simply dont believe its for me, not because i believe crime is okay but because i can understand why people do what they do, villains are just outright with it. Many are discreet with their corruption as we saw with hawks and dabi, but even still we are all the same species trying to survive and that’s what im going to do, but better. I dont wanna survive, i want to live and enjoy it. It’ll be hard without you by my side but I’ve already made that choice. I’ll live with that forever.

I see no point in working tirelessly at this for no reward at all. As much as its satisfying to save others and it means so much to save people, crime exists in every corner of the world so no matter how long you and i both live to, it’ll still exist. People are born at the same time that villains die or kill, there is no end to this cycle of life as humanity will likely be around for a long time still. Even if villainy were to miraculously disappear tomorrow, the world would become numb with no balance to all the good that would arise as a result. Numbness is all I’ve known for a long time and i fear i need to ease it now before it gnaws away at every part of me and the version of me you know will become an empty shell of what was once your lover.

I’ve always seen the differences between us, even coming down to things such as you complaining when the tangy scent of cigarette smoke transferred onto your lips when we kissed. You hate the fact that i smoke and i hate the fact that i cant do anything about it. I need something to dull the ache, to shift the pain away into the smoke before it forms marks on my skin. Those hurt. Cigarettes only smell. I’ve had problems within myself for as long as I’ve known and im sorry i was never able to speak about them with you. I suppose it’s easier to write them so I’ll say them now. Ever since my parents were abusive and they sent me to all those hospitals, i saw firsthand the corruption and delusion within those that were supposed to be good, that were supposed to protect me and help me heal. Nurses ordering random strip searches. Doctors giving shocks. Drug smuggling. Beatings. Being forced into straight jackets and soundless rooms.The degradation i felt was like no other. Despite the fact that I’m well aware of my own power, I felt so incredibly small, not only because i was physically weak from the malnutrition and the drugs but because there was nothing i could do, in a foam-proofed chamber with no escape and the doors bolted to the walls. It felt inhumane. Those same people are the ones that we praise- doctors, psychiatrists, nurses, therapists and yet they all corrupted me in one way or another, twisting me more into someone i wish i wasn’t, so i was good enough to stay with you. I dont want to go into further detail because i think that would just devastate me more opening those old wounds when i know they’re not fully healed, this is already painful enough.

Despite this, when you first spoke to me about joining your agency, becoming heroes side by side and building a future together, I couldn’t help but feel this strange feeling within me- it was foreign- the promise of a future and hope with you in my life. I thought it would be a new page where i would have all the time int he world to tell you all of these things and spend every day with you, to hold you, kiss you, cherish you, love you, fight with you, cry with you and maybe even die together. The purest form of love. I truly wished for this with you. I do. I would’ve said that too, if you’d have ever asked. I know you would’ve, because i know you inside and out my love. You would’ve spent all day fumbling for a ring somewhere secluded where you could say all that, ’sappy shit’, you say to me and nobody else. I would’ve cried. That would be the first time in my life that I’ve ever cried of happiness, all because of you.

I’m sorry, is all i can really say now. I don’t know how much it’ll mean to you knowing I’m not saying it to your face. I’m sorry I couldn’t fulfil that wish for the both of us and stay by your side even though it’s what i know my heart wants. But my soul needs something else. I’ve spent my whole life chasing guidelines and correction after being so wronged and troubled, yet I’ve grown to believe that maybe there simply is no fix for people like me, that can’t stay with people like you, not because we’re different but because you’re perfect. And I’m corrosive. Just know that wherever i go, I’ll be thinking of you and your ash blonde hair, your red eyes that stare so deeply into me yet look so gentle when you’re relaxed. Your hands that are used to bombs and explosions that feel feather light when they touch my face…and your heart that I couldn’t be more grateful is beating again. A heart that i would hold in my palms if i could. I love you to the ends of the earth, okay? Dont beat yourself up over this, there’s nothing you could’ve done. But just know that i stayed this long because of you. I love you infinitely, Katsuki.

I love you- your [yourname]

The veins on his hands look like they’re about to burst from how tightly he’s holding the paper, turning his knuckles a ghastly shade of white. His eyes are furrowed so hard there’s a crinkle between his eyebrows, as if he’s trying to rewrite what he’s reading in front of him. For the first time since his heart started beating again, he cries. Ugly, fat, crocodile tears streaming down his paled face, falling into his lap deliberately so he doesn’t stain the ink on the paper and lose what he has left of you. Your last words to him, a goodbye letter. He wants to pick up his phone again and call you, to scream and to cry and to beg for his dumbass back. But he doesn’t. He sits there hunched over his paper, stomach churning with hunger and pain, as his head falls to the desk in a defeated thud.

He vows he’ll find you, however far away you may be. He needs you back. He’ll get you back.

A/n: hey guys!! How did we like part 2? Please comment and leave requests, I’m thankful for all the support, no matter how much or too little. Happy reading!

[mishallie]

LAKEHOUSE- KATSUKI BAKUGOU X READER

A/n: this is the first time im writing a fic on here, i hope you all can enjoy! This is set in their second year after the war. Please do not plagiarise my work, no AI was used in the creation of this story. The reader’s descent is slightly inspired by Suguru geto from jjk and how he lost it trying to save people in a world of corruption, but nothing is stolen. It’s slightly Ethel Cain inspired because she’s my favourite artist and it kinda reminded me of western nights. This will be a multi part series!

Wc: idk im not counting all at

angst, reader experienced great pain and death, discussions of unhealthy coping mechanisms and mental health issues, swearing, drugs, abuse

You’d always felt… out of place somehow. In UA, everyone was always dead set on being a hero, compelled by great desires or deep, personal anecdotes that steered them onto the path of heroes. However you often found yourself questioning your own moral compass, not to sympathise with villains or excuse crime, but to understand why they are the way they are. After all, we’re all the same species under the same sun trying to survive, yet they get scrutinised for it because their anger and misconduct is outright, yet corruption exists in every corner of the world- in the obviously bad and the discreet.

The war had taken a great toll on you mentally and physically after helping in the fight with shigaraki, having to take over after bakugou died (temporarily), which led to wearing your body to borderline ruin. Your quirk was telekinesis, meaning you could control other peoples minds, read thoughts and move objects, so trying to find out shigaraki’s aim and control his unbridled rage led to head trauma along with the various broken bones and gashes that littered your teenage body, now smoothed over with scarring that jutted out irregularly yet fit in with the turmoil of your mind.

You and Katsuki always had something beyond your other friends. Whilst they all mocked his rare moments of softness and flinched at his anger, no matter how consistent, you remained indifferent and responded as if he was as calm as a lake on a summer’s day. The unreadable haze in your eyes drew him closer, leading to consistent training sessions (the closest he’d get to expressing he liked spending time with someone), shared softness, subtle glances, fleeting touches and familiar wounds.

So when his anger subsides after the war and so does his pain, your questioning increases as you fall into a slow spiral of defection.

What is truly the point of every action i take towards righteousness, if I’m not rewarded in any way?

There is no reward in bloodshed or in anger. You weren’t some blazing pacifist but you knew that if the world could expose adolescents to such pain then your adult years wouldn’t improve. You knew nothing gets better if its already felt like the pits of hell. What’s really the point of helping crime when it never truly stops, even in those most respected? Even if all crime did go away, the world would feel numb. You know what that feels like, an all too familiar ache in the pit of your stomach that spreads through each organ, making even the flutter of an eyelash feel languid, slow, pointless even.

You’ve known numbness for a while after your family’s passing and your own struggles in the past. Katsuki knew this and he notes your grief every time he sees you withdraw. He only acts on it when he sees it seep into your interactions with others because he knows you cherish that. But what he didn’t know is that you weren’t grieving them. They weren’t kind to you, isolating you since childhood and breaking your faith in ways that couldn’t be fixed.

You knew the world wouldn’t get better when you were beaten repeatedly, praying to a god that wouldn’t come. You knew it wouldn’t get better when your own mother sent you to a hospital in the middle of nowhere to die, only being disappointed when you came back and rubbing physical salt into your own wounds. You knew you wouldn’t get better when they died in a flurry of car crashes and suicides, you knew it would just feel numb. Not happy, not sad.

But you can feel euphoric.

Your eyes gloss over with that reddened haze as a blunt rolls between your forefinger and middle, the weed swimming through your bloodstream and causing a rare smile to creep onto your lips. You lay in the dark of a field, long abandoned by school kids and the occasional squatter. You were a while away from the dorms, needing that familiar escape from the expectations and from him.

Him.

Ruby red eyes that seemed to peer into your soul longer than they should, recording every action in a mental diary that he only opened when it got too bad. Hands that were made for bombs and grenades but softened to silk when they met your skin. A mouth that usually ran with insults and sharp-tongued clap backs, but only uttered words for your ears to hear. You didn’t know whether or not to hate him for it or to be more and more drawn to him, because he was destined for greatness and you knew deep down this life wasn’t meant for you.

So the next morning when you wake up on the balcony in yesterday’s clothes and mascara with a cigarette dangling low from your lips, it dawns on you that even if you have to leave the man you love, it’ll be better than this. Anything is.

It makes you feel sickly having to pretend in your own skin, as if one wrong move will have you imprisoned.

Your friends would never do that to you though. They picked up on the excessive drinking and smoking sure, but they never saw past your desire to have a good time and forget about all the evil they couldn’t ignore. What they couldn’t see was the scars that reopened and closed every time the high didn’t feel happy enough for your satisfaction.

Katsuki was always an early riser. He liked the quiet of the mornings and the still of the sky on the horizon as the clouds part ways from the sun. He liked being on his own in the gym and being alone to his thoughts. He steps out on his balcony and sees you smoking below him, the sharp scent wafting up to his own nostrils from the morning breeze. In a few swift motions he jumps down onto the cold floor, stood above your figure that looked smaller than it should, in his opinion at least. He thought highly of you and your strength, but he’d never say that out loud.

‘You stink, dumbass. Where the hell have you been?’

You don’t look up, wordlessly stumping out the cigarette onto the dirty ashtray because you knew he hated the smell. Not on him, but on you. He didn’t like how empty the pack was.

‘Just went for an early morning walk. I haven’t showered yet, so that’s probably why i smell’, you respond with a dry chuckle. He hates how nonchalant you are about this when he can see something is wrong.

‘Bullshit. You hate the damn mornings. Only train with me after dinner.’

‘Uh…I couldn’t sleep?’

As you fumble for more excuses, he sits beside you, not close enough that it was intimate but close enough for your kneecaps to graze against each other shyly.

‘These things rot your damn teeth. And your lungs. Stop smoking them for fucks sake, need a good sparring partner to keep up with me.’

‘You think I’m a good sparring partner?’, you teased gently.

‘Course the hell i do. Otherwise I wouldn’t waste my tine with you.’

You note his new lack of aggression, meeting his eyes for the first time. Yours were exhausted, his were fresh from sleep.

‘You’re healing well.’

‘I need to if I’m gonna be number one’

‘I know you will be, don’t rush it.’

‘What…about you huh? Just gonna climb the hero ranks like the rest of the extras, or you gonna start your own agency?’

You went quiet, the same way you usually did when the future was brought up. Not because it looked scary, but because it looked as empty as you felt.

‘Probably. Sounds boring but an agency sounds like too much work. Wouldn’t want the responsibility of looking after others when i think I’m gonna need to look after myself for a long while, so the ranks it is i guess.’

He looked at you hunched over the ashtray you were holding, seeing the bandages you hadn’t changed. He wordlessly stood up and took you inside, sliding the door shut. He sat down beside you on the unmade bed that you knew he’d yell at you for, he was a clean freak after all. He reached for your first aid kit and moved the sleeve of your shirt up. He removed the old bandages, the brownness of the dried blood clinging to the hairs on your arm, making you wince. His calloused fingers made their way to an antiseptic wipe as he wiped the wound and reapplied gauze.

‘Any others?’

‘No. Thanks Katsuki.’

‘Yeah.’

A comfortable silence washed over you both as you put the ashtray down and sat to face him. This time his face was close enough that you could see the faded scars from the stitching that closed the wound on his face. Without thinking you reached up to trace it slowly, feeling the ruptured tissue beneath your fingertips. He ignored the tangy scent of tobacco that lingered there, instead focused solely on your touch. The fact that he didn’t run from it spoke volumes.

‘I thought I’d lost you forever. I think that was scarier than any villain there.’

The quietness of your voice and the gravity of your statement made his pupils dilate, as he took in yours, drinking in the worry and love on your face like a drug.

‘Heh. I’m too damn strong for that.’

‘…you know I’d come back to you.’

That shocked you. You cupped his face in yours and as your foreheads met, he grabbed your waist and crashed his lips onto yours. It wasnt lustful, but hungry for something else. Not just the touch, but a year and 5 months of built up tension finally exploding in the passion of tongues fighting for dominance. Your eyes fluttered shut as he worked his way into your mouth and seemingly your soul as the intimacy of the moment felt like he was peeling away your skin and looking at every layer of you, holding you like water in his palms.

After however long, you pulled away to stare at him, half lidded eyes holding more passion than they’d had in months. You wrapped your arms around his neck and inhaled his musky scent of caramel and sandalwood soap, whereas you smelled like sadness. He was scared you were slipping away from him, so as he took your bodies to the softness of the mattress, he held you like the world would end again tomorrow just so he could soothe you through it. His muscular arms encompassed you fully until you drifted off and when he thought you were knocked out he whispered,

‘I love you.’

In such a protective way you wanted to abandon everything and follow him. But ultimately it wasn’t enough to stop you from leaving 3 months later.

The winding roads seemed to stretch on forever as you drove an old stolen car to the furthest town you could find. Phone dead with a few clothes in the back and all the cash you had stuffed into your bra. You’d learned how to drive when your father was still alive in an attempt to run away from that house that only ended up in another visit to a hospital you hated. The memories fuelledg your foot on the pedal as you didn’t look back.

Over the previous months, yours and katsuki’s relationship had blossomed into one of clumsy affection and quiet appreciation. He kissed you gently, hungrily and passionately when you two were alone and bickered with you like an old married couple in the span of the next minute. Tears stung your eyes as memories of him overpowered the bad ones, guilt seeping into your fingers that were pressed so tightly against the wheel that your knuckles were white. Your stomach churned with hunger so you pulled into a nearby diner that had cheap Japanese food and likely directions as to where to go.

You sat down and ordered a rice bowl and a glass of cheap liquor, knowing they wouldn’t ask for ID, before asking a waitress where to go. She recommended a motel around another hour from where you were, so after paying that was your next stop.

The soft hum of golden age by Ethel Cain hummed gently in the background, soothing over your thoughts before you saw a motel sign. Walking up to the register with as much confidence as a 17 year old runaway hero could muster, you asked for a room with a single bed and a working shower. Her tired eyes didn’t pass you once as she took the cash and handed over a key before returning to whatever game she was playing to pass the time.

The room smelled of mildew and old linen, but it looked mostly clean and functional, so you couldn’t complain. After a much needed shower, you sat on the bed in just a towel and fumbled under the nightstand for the one thing you knew would be there.

A bible.

Not to read. You knew god wasn’t real and if he was he wasn’t here to save you, so you ripped out a random page and laid it on the bed, pulling out a newspaper filled with weed from your bag. You rolled it with practiced precision before grabbing a lighter and sitting by the window, chasing a haze only the smoke could give you. As the smell wafted into your lungs and out the window, you felt the tautness in your muscles relax, no longer worrying if the letters you’d left to your friends were sentimental enough, or worrying if you’d packed enough tampons until you found the next store. You stumped it out on the underside of the table after the familiar high washed over you, before collapsing into a deep sleep, still in your towel.

Meanwhile, Katsuki was starting to lose it. Despite it only being a day with you gone, he had no idea where you were. He hadn’t seen the letter yet, as it was placed meticulously by you so he’d only see it at the end of the school day, so as his fists clench around the tear stained paper, reading the, ‘i love you’, signed at the bottom, he feels his world shatter. You were the only person who had seen those sides of him, that he now knew he’d never show again.

Not until he found you.

Part 2???

A/n: This will be a multi part series. I hope this isnt too ooc, and i also haven’t proofread it because it’s currently 02:23am rn and i have a day out with my problematic mother tomorrow. I hope you enjoyed!!

[mishallie]

@tankhall I saw Ethel recently in Birmingham and it was genuinely so unbelievably hot I passed out 3 times and sat at the back on the cold floor for the whole time and cried. Made friends with an old man that screamed sun bleached flies with me and it made me realise that even tho I was literally sobbing the essence of people is what can get you through times where you feel upset or dissappointed.

All the people that I met in the queue and at the venue were so kind. They were a huge reason that I ended up having so much fun.

Also it kinda shows how crazy global warming is??? Like Hayden said herself the show felt authentic because it felt like South Florida. SOUTH FLORIDA. in what world should Birmingham feel like South Florida???

Anyways stay safe guys and @tankhall pls come to Liverpool

[thegibsongirl19]

I love you ethel cain

[gingysent]

Bro I’m crying she’s so funny

[pull-droned]

I STILL KICK ROCKS WHEN THE WALKING IS GOOD 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 AND PRETEND AT THE CHAINLINK THAT I AM THE WOOD 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 AS IM LEANING MY HEAD BACK SAYIN "TAKE ME, I AIN'T GOTTA SCREAM" 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 YET HERE I AM EMPTY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 😭WATCHING LOVE OF MINE LEAVE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[hayitshaydie]

I hate to be like this but I think it takes a special type of person to enjoy perverts by Ethel Cain. I'd argue it's almost as life changing as preacher's daughter because I feel like it opens a part of your brain you didn't realize was there. I haven't felt music do to me what that album has done. it was just raw feeling that reaches inside you and claws and pulls and twists and leaves you empty. it's scary, overwhelming, beautiful, attractive, carnal, disgusting. it's for the people that are nostalgic for bad times in their lives. specific niches for every area of life. synesthesia. it could be happening to everybody, but not everyone is capable of it (yet) and not everyone will let it.

[mishallie]

Thinking about gojo satoru in a golden age by Ethel Cain way, instead of “I’m so beautiful and it’s wasted on me”, he’d consider himself,”I’m so powerful and it’s wasted on me”, because he couldn’t save the one person he loved most.

Is this anyone else’s niche

[abbotsrabbit]

[twoheadedbison]

Honestly

[buriedintheyard]

tell me when you want it come and get it

[ethelspervert]

[soundcarvings]

it’s a beautiful summer for disappearing

[sweetvelvetdark]

wait im tearing up

[myloveonherknees]

mothercain. "shot by @silkenweinberg back in big sur, october '23" tumblr, 18 july 2024.