A few months ago, I promised to post about what happened to one of my best friends, Carlo. Quite frankly, it was the most devastating thing that ever happened to me, and I honestly feel uncomfortable typing these words right now as it's going to be the first time I'm ever telling his story to people I don't know. But I feel like I somehow have to, not because I owe anyone an explanation, but because I need to vent out these feelings, even if it means feeling uneasy as I do so.
Anyway, like I said, that's Carlo. Carlo Luigie N. Flores is one of my best friends. Or at least he used to be. On the 12th of May this year, he passed away due to Arteriovenous Malformation. It came as a complete shock to everyone because he was still so young, and everything happened too fast.
During my first year in high school, I was a new student. Obviously, I didn't know anyone and I had a hard time making friends during the first few weeks because I was too shy and quiet. Carlo was a classmate of mine, and on the first day, he already caught my attention because of the joke he cracked in class. Fast forward to a month or so later, we were already acquainted with each other and, okay, I admit, I had a (not-so) little crush on him.
So... Of course I had to try being his friend, right? 'Cause that's what we usually do to catch our crush's attention. *wink wink* It worked, and we slowly became closer and closer. Although the little schoolgirl crush I had on him vanished, the exact opposite was happening to our friendship.
During our Sophomore year, we found ourselves in different sections. We weren't as close as we used to be, but we were still friends nonetheless. It wasn't until the latter part of our second year that we tried rekindling the friendship we once had. At the time, we felt like it came naturally due to the fact that one of my closest friends was already in a relationship with him, and so what we had the previous year was not just restored, it also became something much better.
Our Junior year in high school was more significant than the previous years, because we became classmates again. Everyday we ate lunch together along with our friends, and we knew each other so well it's as if we've been friends our whole lives. I remember constantly serving as a bridge between him and Bea (his girlfriend), and whenever they would have a problem, Pat and I sought ways to help them fix their problem right away.
Sadly, when we reached our final year in high school, our group split because of various reasons (though conflict within the barkada was not one of the reasons... Okay, maybe a little. At first.), and we would rarely see each other at school. Nevertheless, Carlo and I maintained our strong bond by hanging out during dismissal time everyday. Needless to say, despite the challenges, our friendship was still as strong as it used to be, if not stronger.
On the evening of May 10, 2012, I received the most surprising news ever: Carlo was going through two operations due to internal bleeding in his cerebellum. Hoping and praying was all that was left for me to do.
I've never really felt so lost in my entire life. First of all, I was in a different place when I heard what was going on, so I had to ask Bea to keep me updated. She would always tell me about his condition, and by the time they declared him brain dead, she begged me to come back as the doctors slowly broke it to her and Carlo's family; they knew he wasn't going to make it, and I knew I had to see him soon, before he would let go. So I told my dad I had to go back to Manila, and I completely broke down in front of him. It was the first time my dad ever saw me cry, and that was the breaking point of everything. That very day, my dad had booked tickets so that I would be able to see Carlo.
Around 40 minutes before Carlo's passing, I called Bea up and asked her to put the phone against Carlo's ear so that he could hear me as I spoke. I told him that I was going to see him the next day, and I asked him to wait for me. As I hung up, I HOPED I'd be able to make it just in time. Unfortunately, he couldn't hold on any longer.
The day of his wake was the most vague of them all. Everything was a blur. I've never cried so hard before, and standing in front of his cold, unmoving body was the worst thing I ever had to do. My best friend was laid out in front of me, but he no longer had the chance to know that I was there. Gone are the moments when we would laugh with (sometimes at) each other. Gone are the chances we have of ever feeling that way again.
It's not easy trying to recover from a huge loss, but I'm doing the best that I could. I'm slowly starting to accept the fact that he is no longer with us, and I try to make myself feel better by telling myself that he's happy now.
We love you, Carlo. And we miss you terribly. Rest in peace, Tot.
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