i see you // audrey & trent
miss-audreybaker
The words stung, he was right, and Trent had every reason to be upset and angry with her, she didn’t even know why she had bothered to explain herself in the first place. Would it have been better to let him go on thinking that she was just a bitch? Maybe he even thought she was a bigger bitch now. “Do you ever do something on impulse?” she tried to talk calmly, and keep her sobs down. “I didn’t think about it for a second, I was selfish, and stupid, and young.. God, we were so young Trent,” she sighed, “I mean, yeah, it’s only been a year, but I’ve learned so much from our relationship falling apart, from you, about me. I know you don’t even care anymore,” she choked down a sob, the thought alone hurt. “But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was stupid and hurt you in the process,” the tears started flowing more freely now. “If there’s anything I hate myself for, it’s hurting you. I never deserved how good you were to me, ever, and how did I repay you? Like that,” Audrey thought back for a second to that night. It was a few weeks after they spent Christmas with Trent’s family. Seeing his niece Sophia, with his sister and her husband, at first it seemed like all she wanted in life, a cute little family with Trent and a baby boy, but the more she thought about it, the more afraid she was. “What if I was a terrible wife? A terrible mother,” she was thinking out loud now. “What if I wasn’t good enough for you. I mean, you thought so,” she sighed, “because you proposed and everything, but what if I couldn’t live up to what you wanted, what you deserved? It was scary for me, Trent,” she looked up at him. Looked him in his beautiful brown eyes, the same ones that had once looked at her with such love now seemed so distant. She couldn’t blame him. She still had so much love left for the boy it scared her, she’d once tried to date again, but nobody compared to her first love.
Adrien was too tan, and too buff. Alex was too serious, and wanted to take everything so fast. Nicky looked like Trent in the right light, but never compared to the way he treated her. “I’m sorry.”
“Audrey, don’t pull that shit on me. You know I care. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be here right now, talking to you. No one is making me listen to you.” It was the truth. As much as she had hurt him, he still cared deeply about the girl. He loved her. No matter what happened between the two, there would always be a special place in his heart for his ex. He let out a long sigh, looking everywhere but at the girl in front of him. “Aud, I don’t think I can accept your apology. Maybe in the future, but right now…” He trailed off, shrugging his shoulders. Her next words made him laugh. “Really? Yeah, I think spending all of my money at the time on the ring you gushed over for months and proposing to you was kind of a sign that you meant a lot to me. You remember how I used to be. You helped me become a better person. I did everything for you.” He hated how she was beating herself up over it - sure, she did break it off with him without an explanation, but she was confused. It’s not like she cheated on him or anything like that.
“Let’s not say that word anymore, yeah? I’m kinda tired of hearing it.” As the evening turned into night, the air became chillier. Noticing Audrey didn’t really have much covering her, Trent took off his jacket and draped it around her shoulders. He went back to his spot, not saying anything anymore. His mind was racing and his emotions were all over the place, but he really didn’t want Audrey knowing that.
“I’m sorry, I just meant, I dunno,” she fumbled with her hands, “I wouldn’t want to hear my own excuses,” she slumped her shoulders back onto the bench, the cold of the iron sending shivers up her spine. Audrey thought about everything the two had been through in their short twenty-four years of life. From summer neighbors, to ending up at the mansion, and the same dinky sandwich shop. She wished she hadn’t been stupid enough to see that he was her soulmate, standing right in front of her after all these years, she could see now that God sent her her own personal angel. “I’m not asking you to, I know it’d be hard, I can’t even imagine the things I would say if the situation were flipped. You were always the better of us two,” a small smile splayed across her face as she thought about all of his selfless actions throughout the year. Taking Santi to the vet when she had work, bringing her cuddles when she was sick, taking her on adventures to his hometown and packing snacks for the road, the memories almost made her start crying all over again. “I still love the ring, it’s my dream ring,” Audrey paused, “I’m sorry, I can’t say was, because,” she trailed off, because her tastes were still the same. The ring was beautiful. “I thought about keeping it you know, cause I liked it so much, but then I figured maybe down the road there’d be another girl that could appreciate it more than I had,” even now, the thought killed her. “I never imagined we’d be here again,” she looked up at the stars shining above the trees. Here in this space, here having this conversation.
Audrey stared up at Trent through her lashes, “thank you,” she bit her lip to keep from grinning too hard. “See, always the better person.” the girl pulled the sweater tighter around her small frame and tried not to take in the smell too much. It still smelled like her favorite cologne and him. “It still smells like you,” she mumbled. “Are you sure you don’t want to sit on the bench? I can scoot all the way over here, I won’t hit you anymore,” she looked at the ground sheepishly. “That just can’t be comfortable.” Audrey hated how even after all that, she still felt comfortable around him. After she was the biggest brat in the world, he could still give up his jacket for her.
