Little Miss Lyss

Some will search for love and acceptance for the rest of their lives. Others will learn to love themselves and turn their pain into motivation.     

[hoephiewrites]

Nell shrugged.  “I’m not going to feel sorry for you because I’m in the same boat,” she said with a tilt of her head.

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

“Really? What’s got you staying here?” 

[ellacamden]

“Well just know you’re welcome to come stay with me if you want. The campus might get boring with no people.”

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

“Really?” she smiled. “I would love that!” 

[lola--james]

“Who said I was feeling sorry for you? I haven’t spent a Christmas at home in years.. it’s not that uncommon around Monarch, love”.

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

“Sorry,” Lyssa replied, suddenly feeling embarrassed for being so defensive. “I guess I’m just not used to it. God, it’s just so... weird, y’know?” 

[jordan-alex-cruz]

“Why would I feel sorry for you, Ly when I’m basically doing the same thing. Technically not spending it on campus but I’ll still be nowhere near my family. Why’s it awkward still though?”

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

“I’m fighting with my mom,” she shrugged, trying to downplay it. “It’s a long and complicated story, but basically I’m just not feeling in the Christmas spirit right now.” 

[emery-shaw]

“Well, that was fucking intense! People that say acting is a piece of cake has clearly never been to that bloody acting camp. I need three shots of vodka, a large pepperoni pizza and a back massage stat”. 

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

“I can imagine. I know how intense you can get, and imagining a room full of people just like you is, quite frankly, stressful to even think about,” she laughed awkwardly. She and Asher might have cleared the air, but she was still finding it difficult to get back into the groove of things. 

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

“Yes, I am staying on campus for the holidays, and no you may not feel sorry for me because of it. Things are still just... awkward at home right now.” 

[ffsnatalliya-blog]

“I don’t know why you do, either. It would save us both time if you remembered not to.”

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

“You know, I’ve been going through a bit of an existential crisis, so I’m gonna tell you what I wish someone had said to me: No one gives a shit about whatever awful thing gave you that chip on your shoulder. But those bad things are never going to leave you, and they’re going to keep getting worse unless you grow the fuck up and allow yourself to experience some of the beautiful things life has to offer.” 

[milascott]

The Bloom || Open Para

A standing ovation continued even as the cast went backstage. Mila felt like the sound was in sync with her racing heart, though she knew she couldn’t trust her senses right now. The high she felt after a great performance was greater than that of any drug or alcohol, and the adrenaline pumping through her made everything feel fast and slow at once, muddling her perception. She knew a few things with certainty, however; she’d been amazing tonight, the show had gone off without a hitch, and that she wished more than usual her parents had been here to see it. 

While they offered resources and expectations, her parents never offered their time. Mila liked to pretend it didn’t bother her, mostly because it infrequently did. But times like tonight - times where she’d really excelled at something - made her want someone to make proud. Instead she was reminded of events like her high school graduation. Everybody had someone cheering for them except for Mila. It’s why she learned to cheer for herself.

Trying to ignore negative thoughts, the blonde glanced around at the well-wishers from the audience that were joining the theatre members surrounding her, smiling as they celebrated. Everyone in the club had played a part in making the night successful, and she knew she’d been sending a lot of thank you notes with gifts over the next couple of weeks. One of the reasons theatre people tolerated how demanding she could be was because they knew she’d send free liquor and food hampers later. But only if they were nice to her, of course.

Spotting someone she wanted to talk to, Mila glanced around for some sort of robe. She knew one was around somewhere for her but the masses of people made it hard to find. After a few seconds she gave up on the thought. The costume of lingerie she was wearing made her feel sexy anyways. She quickly made her way to where she’d seen the familiar face, catching their eye moments later and waving excitedly. With a beaming grin, she closed the distance between them. “Was that amazing or was that amazing?” she asked, practically bouncing. “I told you it’d be the best show yet.”

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

Lyssa had snuck backstage as soon as the play was over. She knew it wasn’t really her place, nestled in between scattered groups of elated theatre kids, but it had been a tradition between her and Asher since even before they were dating. She’s meet him backstage after a performance, flowers and all, and they’d go out for ice cream. And she figured since they were giving this whole friendship things a try, old traditions might be a good place to start. 

However, Asher seemed to be otherwise occupied with all the post-show hubbub, and Lyssa felt like now, especially now, she held no claim over him to pull him away from all of it. So instead, she was stood awkwardly on the sidelines, flowers in hand, thinking back on the show she had just watched. 

It was... intense, in a word, seeing Asher act that way right in front of her, and with Mila no less. She knew the two were intimate, but there was a difference between knowing intellectually, and seeing it with her own eyes. It hurt. And she knew she shouldn’t feel that way. She knew that if she wanted to have a hope of any relationship with Asher moving forward, she would have to give up on all that. But it was so hard and sometimes she still wasn’t sure she could do it. 

Still, she refused to let Mila see her so affected and so when the other girl came over, she put on her brave face, and smiled through whatever residual pain she might be feeling. “Yeah. Yeah, it was amazing. You were great...” 

[hoephiewrites]

“Good to hear,” she smiled, her nose scrunching as she did so.  “Yes.  I’m always down when it comes to coffee; remember that.”

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

“Coffee and anything without meat, right? See, I’m catching on!” 

[hoephiewrites]

Nell offered the girl an understanding smile.  “Totally fine,” she nodded, “Everyone’s allowed to disappear every once in awhile.  I’m fine.  Same old, same old.”

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

“Well, still. I’m back and better than ever. Get ready for a whole new Lyssa. First things first - I need coffee. What about you? My treat?” 

[ffsnatalliya-blog]

“I don’t really care about your long story and I don’t really feel like sharing any of mine.”

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

“Right. Of course. I don’t know why I even bother...” 

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

“Sorry, I’ve been kind of MIA lately. I basically had the ground ripped out from under me, and I’m just trying to rebuild everything... It’s a long story, but enough about me. How have you been?”

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

How to Say Sorry || Asher and Lyssa

[emery-shaw]

If anything, the interaction only grew stranger when Lyssa came inside. Instead of making herself comfortable and sitting at the desk or the edge of the bed, she started pacing. Clearly she was anxious and Asher thought he knew why. Lyssa had always been quite righteous and he could count on one hand how many times she had apologized to anyone. This was obviously out of her comfort zone which made him respect her all the more. 

“Hey, shh, it’s okay”, he murmured when she started to cry. He didn’t want to hear her frantic apology anymore, not when it was causing her so much pain. She clearly meant it with every fiber of her being and he wasn’t cruel enough to make her jump through hoops to prove it. “Come here”, he said softly, opening his arms so that she could come forward and hug him. 

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

She rushed to his arms without a second thought. She had felt so isolated and alone all week that in that moment, she craved nothing more than genuine human connection, and the fact that Asher offered it so willingly, even after everything, well - it just made her feel like even more of a pile of shit. But still, she clung to him, her lighthouse as she weathered the stormy seas. He had always been a beacon, a shining light, and she didn’t know how she could have missed it. It was in everything he did - his selflessness, his dedication, his very essence. She had been stupid to believe he could have changed so much from what he once was. He had only grown with time - it was her changed for the worst. 

She wasn’t sure how long she cried for, but eventually her hysteria ebbed away. Once she could finally breathe again, she pulled away, wiping away the tear tracks from her ruddy cheeks. “I’ve been so alone, Asher,” she cried, her voice still unsteady from her tears. “I’ve been all alone and it was all my fault. I had no one else to blame. You were right. For so long I thought my suffering made me untouchable. I thought everything happened to me, and that gave me permission to hate the world. But it doesn’t. I just created more suffering. For myself, but most of all for you. And I’m just so sorry, Asher. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me for what I’ve done to you.”

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

How to Say Sorry || Asher and Lyssa

[emery-shaw]

Asher genuinely thought he wouldn’t hear from Lyssa again. It seemed like every single time they spoke, they ended up in an argument and she always refused to accept fault for anything. No matter how much he cared about her, he couldn’t put himself through that over and over again. He honestly thought that he didn’t deserve it. Yes, he had made mistakes but he had tried to hard to make up for them, even the ones that had happened because of his father. Lyssa didn’t seem willing to hear it and so he wasn’t willing to talk about it any longer. 

Still dressed in his track outfit after practice, he went over to the door when he heard a knock. He frowned slightly when he saw Lyssa on the other side, bracing himself for an argument. Instead, she said she wanted to apologize properly and his mouth fell open, the words catching him by surprise. “Apologize?” he questioned, wanting to make sure that he had heard her properly. “I, uh.. do you want to come in?”

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

“Yes, please,” she smiled gratefully at his offer. It felt awkward now, invading his space, and as soon as she entered, she began to anxiously pace the room. It occupied her mind and meant that she didn’t have to look at Asher’s expected face. Okay... Where to start? Taking a deep breath, she just decided to let it all go - to just start talking and see where the words took her. 

“This has been basically the worst week of my life. And yes - that is factoring in all sides of the equation. This has been the worst week of my life because for the first time, I felt like I was truly alone. It was just me and I have to admit that I really didn’t like the company all that much. Because you were right,” she shrugged, biting her lip briefly to stop it from quivering. It was her tell, it always had been, and it meant the waterworks weren’t far behind. But, god, she didn’t want the waterworks. “I’m awful. I’m terrible. I’ve been a horrid bitch to you and I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m going to ask for it anyway because need it Asher. I need it because I am so sorry.” She wanted to continue - needed to continue - needed to purge the sins of her soul so that she could hope for absolution, but at that moment a gigantic sob wracked her body, and it was hard for her to even breathe. But still, every gasp came out I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. To you. For you. For me. For us. 

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

How to Say Sorry || Asher and Lyssa

@ashermanson

The last time she made the trip to Asher’s room, she couldn’t get there quickly enough - this time, the trip went by in seconds and it wasn’t nearly enough. What could she possible say to him to make up for all the pain she had put him through? She had been thinking about it for days now, but still no words came to mind. She hated all of this. She hated that she hurt him, but even more than that, she hated admitting she was wrong. 

But rock bottom had a way of forcing you to do things you hate, and if she ever wanted to get out from under it all, if she ever wanted a solid foundation with which to build the rest of her life upon, she needed to suck it up and apologize. So here she was, outside Asher’s door yet again. After knocking, she waited for him to open the door, hoping and praying that she could convince him to let her in. 

“Before you slam the door in my face, please just let me say something,” she said the moment he opened the door, probably before he could even register it was her standing there. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking - real thinking - and I owe you an apology. For real, this time.” 

[derekheale]

Visit Original Link

I’ll be good, I’ll be good for all of the times I never could.

[misslyssamonroe-blog]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G0VgZIJhyU)