I'll get over it, I just have to be dramatic first

NSFW 18+

[missxbianca]

Don't Call Me Mouse

Left standing in the dark

To face the demons alone

The red lights fade to nothing

The screech of tires on pavement

The loss of another

Broken down

Feeling weak

Faking strong for those I love

Numb is all I feel

Day in, day out

I stare at walls

I talk to stuffies

Crazy is what I am

Not knowing where to turn

Needing him to take the pain

Instead, he lit the match

and held it to my heart

My replacement;

Young, fresh, full of life

Flirty, drunk, not full of spite

He called her my name

Now if feels like ash in my mouth

What kills me most?

College girl.

There's no competing

My body ruined by children;

Hers beautiful

My smile dimmed by grief;

Hers full of naughty promises

Thats what he wants

My heart hurts

My stomach a knot

I cant look at myself anymore

And not see everything I dont have

I used to be that girl

17 years ago

How do I give him something I am not?

I am no longer the youngest girl,

For some reason

That hurts my soul.

He says he loves me

He says its true

But how am I what you want

When I am nothing like her?

[missxbianca]

reality check

the reality isn't pretty

but you don't want to hear

don't ask for my opinion

if you do not care.

sitting in silence on the phone,

watching you stare into the unknown

mouth hanging open

so high you're not even there.

why would I want to spend my evening here?

but of course, I'm the one to blame,

the reason for your pain.

a grown man,

you make your own choices,

don't fault me for mine

trading one thing for another

just to numb the pain

but you don't wanna see that either

so I'll just wait in vain.

-mouse

[missxbianca]

sunday, not funday

the sun peaking up

fills me with dread

I want to close my eyes,

pretend,

go back to bed.

the sadness seeps in

there's no lying to myself.

I feel safe in his arms

snuggling helps.

safe enough to show my hurt,

crying and snotting all over his shirt.

he rubs my hair,

whispers words of love,

my heart is safe with him,

he let's me be free.

with the walls down,

I cling to him,

pulling him closer,

wanting inside his skin so I can breathe.

begging and pleading for this to be over.

two days is never enough,

I need more time.

more time for love.

as the weeks drag on,

this gets harder and harder.

leaving the one you love,

the missing piece of my puzzle.

five days and counting,

til I'm in his arms.

five days until the sadness is gone.

-mouse

[missxbianca]

duet

I feel eyes upon me while I sleep

Cat and mouse

Don't make a peep

Warm fingers on my thighs

Trailing up and down

I am his tonight

No fight or flight

Goosebumps pop from the skin

A promise of their sin

Hot breathe across my ear

His whispered words to take me there

I watch you shift beneath my gaze,

Soft and slow, our wicked game.

Not a sound...just pulse and need,

The hunt is ours, we both concede.

Fingertips trace, a map well-known,

Your body calls, your sighs have shown.

Tonight, you're mine—no space for flight,

Only surrender to the bite.

Your shivers sing, your breath betrays,

A whispered plea I won’t delay.

Lips to skin, the answer clear...

Let go, my love, I’ll take you there.

-mouse & O

[missxbianca]

bliss

I drop my panties to the floor

the devil awaits me at the door

his promise of sin, so tasty to me

strong hands around my throat

fills me with glee

one squeeze of his hands

could snuff out my light,

but the trust of our love,

doesn't fill me with plight.

I beg and whine like a baby,

a little girl deep within

his smirk makes me quiver,

I love how naughty he's been.

his playful side,

not a lot see.

so soft and demanding,

brings me to my knees.

hands in my hair,

his moans in my mouth

skin to skin, we descend

no more play, I let him in

he's long and hard

throbbing inside

a promise of a wet, sticky ride.

thoughts of his seed filling my tum,

brings me closer and closer to cum

I want to swell with his baby,

my heart aches for this

a little piece of both of us

it would be bliss 🖤

-mouse

[missxbianca]

♡Crazy Love♡

the danger I see

behind those blue eyes

is wild and untamed

I think it matches mine

it's hard to imagine

life without you here

life so boring without

the Love and the Fear

it takes two to tango

is always what they say

so if you'll accept my crazy

I am here to stay

from your mouth, words of love

and poems so sweet

but behind your eyes

lay the secrets that you keep

I know things no one else can see

like how you'd walk through hell with me

no one would understand this love

it's wild and untamed

two half's coming together

wouldn't have it any other way.

-mouse

[missxbianca]

battle

you make me cry

the tears stream down

you just ignore

don't make a sound

I'm supposed to be weak

show my hand

but you aren't my safe place

you don't understand

things with you are hard

why?

i try to be who you want

gods, I try

you pick at the scab

you want it to bleed

feel the pain

watch me concede

but I'm not weak like I was before

I've sharpened my tongue

pulled on the metal

the battle has begun

nobody wins at the end of this war

Just two broken hearts

lovers no more

- mouse

[missxbianca]

blame

am I supposed to turn a blind eye

to the things that I see

to things that haunt and gnaw away at me?

I question very little, yet I'm always to blame

if the roles were reversed, you'd do the same

I have walls up, I know

walls that I've watered and let grow

a scared little mouse, afraid to let go

you don't see the tears I cry at night

tears for you, tears for us

you've made me feel so much for you

I feel it in my heart and stomach, too

this love hurts sometimes

it's not fair

to finally find my person,

yet he's sometimes not there

he disappears into his head

and I'm the one to blame

he keeps a tally hidden in his walls

but i do the same

questions my every word

when will we stop this nonsense

this is so absurd,

I just want love and comfort from you,

kisses and hugs, and dirty sex too

I wish I could erase the past hurt

for you

for me

so we could finally be free.

free to love without the caution

without the doubt and the questions.

am I even good enough?

am I worth the pain?

I don't think i am,

maybe he's wasting his time.

-mouse

[missxbianca]

"friends"

you say she means nothing

a friend from the past

but I see the hearts on her pictures

Just friends, my ass

you're supposed to be mine

but you share pieces with others

I never feel good enough

Just want to hide under covers

are you with me because you love me?

or because you were lonely?

Just give me the truth,

if you want someone else

I'll fall apart at first, but then better myself

I'm capable of more than I thought,

so give it to me straight

do you want me or not?

I'm sick of the games

I'm sick of the blame

either love me only

or throw me away.

-mouse

[missxbianca]

invisible

isn't it exhausting

doing this again?

week after week

you let the anger win

I have so much on my mind

so much clouded in my head

tip toeing around you

fills me with dread

but here we are

nobody's holding back,

what did I say this time?

Just steer us straight off the track.

apologies will happen,

do they mean anything?

the next fight around the corner,

armor ready for battle.

two snakes ready to strike,

to rip each other to shreds,

with words,

they hurt.

so does the condescending tone you use,

I'm always to blame.

never enough.

I feel the pain.

your words hurt me,

I just hide it better.

so used to being torn down,

my skin has had to weather.

built up the walls,

put on the layers.

one day, sorry won't be enough,

I'll fade away from here.

-mouse

[missxbianca]

mother, friend, lover

I hand out pieces of myself

like tickets to a show

ripped in half

disregarded

thrown on the floor

til I am no more

but that's the life of a mother,

friend,

lover.

it's never enough,

someone always wants more.

so I cut myself open for those I hold close

bleeding for them

all while silently screaming for help.

"more, more. my piece of you was small"

when will it stop?

when will I be enough?

I crawl through life,

leaving a trail of blood,

for the ones that I love.

-mouse

[missxbianca]

stay

you say I'm cold

a heart made of ice

the softest, hard person you know

I block out a lot

keep myself sealed away

to make it through the day

but now that you're mine

I'll make myself sick

cut lines in my skin

skin that's grown so thick

I hate you for making me feel weak again

it's easier to feel nothing

to keep it all in

but you've brought down my walls

a little at a time

please say it's not over

please say that you're mine

I know that I'm broken

a pain in the ass for sure

but the way that you love me

keeps me needing for more

I'll push your buttons

I'll push you away

but in the end

I hope that you'll stay

-mouse

[missxbianca]

monster

it calls to me and offers a reprieve

from the loneliness and demons chasing me

I resist the urge

I walk away

I tell myself I can make it one more day

I've been so tired,

so weak.

dreaming of a permanent sleep.

he comes into my life

a monster with a sensitive side

he breaks down my walls

a little at a time

others would run if they saw what's behind those eyes,

but I find comfort knowing he's mine.

my very own monster to chase the demons away.

my other half,

he makes want to stay.

-mouse

[missxbianca]

hurt

they'll tell you lies

to hide their sin,

push you aside,

you won't get in.

how am I supposed to know

what's fact and what's fiction?

it stares me down

from the kitchen,

so smooth and transparent

you'll think you're going crazy.

because why risk it all

to feel a little hazy?

but I'm the bad guy

for questioning,

for asking.

the need to follow blindly

is a characteristic I'm missing.

so we sit in silence

to stew,

to cry

over a half-empty bottle

that may never die.

-mouse

[missxbianca]

pretty mouse

he tells me I'm pretty

he tells me I'm sweet

the world is ours

and bows at my feet

but then he gets angry

turns to a beast

how could he get so mad

with one click of my feet

there's no taming this monster

he rips, and he roars

sulking and growling

as I sneak towards the door

he'll catch me, I know

he'll find a way

and when he does

they'll be hell to pay

-mouse