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@missymonster
are any of my mutuals still active 💔
hey do you have a tumblr
no sorry
Reblog if you don’t have a tumblr
this place sucks I’m going home
was gonna reblog my own post about prince philip except tumblr's shitty search couldn't find it but it did give me this gem
this is literally sending me right now i cant fucking deal with how funny it is
a customary sayonara
Op where's the playlist
here u go
not my tumblr dying
GORILLAZ PROFILE: MURDOC’S BACKGROUND
Murdoc Alphonce Niccals or Murdoc Faust Niccals
BIRTH
was born on 06/06/66 (666) in Stoke-On-Trent, Staffordshire, England
rumored to be born inside Belphagor Sanatorium (a halfway house for “the sick, the needy and the incredibly bored”)
His father found him on the doorstep after returning home from the pub
“The greatest achievement of my life is the time I managed to squeeze my entire body through a woman—my mum. Sadly, that was the only time we met, but her work was done: a musical messiah had cometh.”
FAMILY LIFE & RELATIONSHIPS
His dad, Jacob Sebastian Niccals, made him perform (at the age of 6) on embarrassing shows to get money
Mr. Niccals wastes the money earned on alcohol & other useless crap
But Murdoc still keeps a photo of his father in his winnebago
The show he always was forced to perform on was, “Are You A Star?” (a talent show on who embarrasses themselves the most)
It was held in the local pub, Three-Legged Dog
“Wheels on the Bus” was the song that changed Murdoc’s life forever. It was the first song he performed live, aged 6
“Taught me my first lessons about song-writing: find a hook, repeat, and keep it simple.”
“Before I heard that song I was going off the rails. Spending all my pocket money on sherbet fountains and dip-daps, jazzed off my swede most of the time. So that tune literally saved my life. Without it, there would be no Gorillaz, and right now I’d most likely be in a skip, covered in my own filth. Incidentally, that’s where I was yesterday, but it was a top night out, so doesn’t count.”
One of his other performances was being forced to be dressed up as Pinocchio & sing, “I’ve Got No Strings”
he was forced to wear a strap-on nose (meaning he doesn’t have a nose like his dad’s)
But because of these performances, he was inspired to become a musician
“By age two I got my first pubes. By age nine I’d written my first song, “Sex Hoof”.”
He has an older brother named Hannibal (who’s a skinhead)
Hannibal hates it when Murdoc plays heavy metal & Murdoc didn’t want to do anything about his brother either
Though after some time, Murdoc started liking the music Hannibal listened to
Murdoc’s nose was broken was because for the second & third time by Hannibal for playing Dio’s “We Rock” album on Hannibal’s personal turntable
Hannibal also took Murdoc to see Jimmy Percy, only to be beaten up & all he saw was Percy spitting on a girl before knocked unconscious
After some time, Hannibal was jailed for “stealing hubcaps” (might be refererring to monkey’s stealing hubcaps or the song by Billy Ledbetter)
Murdoc actually doesn’t know who his mom is & nobody knew his mom either
but in an interview, he mentioned that his mom’s family business is pornography
In Radio 1, he’s mentioned that he’s always loved music & his mom would dance as she does the chores & that they would always buy albums
He speculates that he might have other siblings he doesn’t know of
EDUCATION, CHILDHOOD & TEENAGE YEARS
He went to Sodsworth Comprehensive School at the age of 7
He was known for pranks, ugliness, poor personal hygiene & bad behavior
He was often bullied by a boy named, Tony Chopper (might be a reference to One Piece)
He was raped by a diner lady at the age of 9
his first kiss was, Kelly O'Driscoll, a bare-knuckle boxing champion
Murdoc remembers Kelly giving him his first broken nose, first broken pelvis & first broken heart
He coped with life by listening to Black Sabbath, Aleister Crowley, Anton La Vey & bought himself a do-it-yourself Satanist kit
What intrigued him the most was ’sexual gluttony’ - he found out about it through a leaflet being handed out in the Arndale Centre
He started becoming an alcoholic at the age of 16
He was expelled & had to do something with International Baccalaureate in Anti-Social Anthropology
He studied other cultures, behavioural patterns, the way they communicated & their traditions
He has a degree in anti-social anthropology
CAREER LIFE (BEFORE GORILLAZ)
Previous jobs: gravedigger, soup-seller, telesales, part-time Christmas Santa, ‘stealing the lead off church roofs’, etc.
He was unemployed & said it was ‘diificult job’
He was asked by Sir Alan Sugar to trombone him just to get money before, but he re-thought everything & said he was better than that
He made deals with the devil to have a music career & changed his middle/second name to ‘Faust’
He has also been in countless bands, all of which failed. These includes: The Burning Sensations, Durango 95, Kiss ‘n’ Makeup, Wild Willie Wally and the Wallington, Patchouli Clark, Bullworker, Crimson Backdraft, Motley Dude, The Burning Sensations, The Stupid Name Gang, Two’s A Crowd, We’ve Split Up, This Show Has Been Cancelled, etc.
He was the singer for all of those bands
He has the same name of a band Damon Albarn was in when he was a teenager (Two’s A Crowd)
CRIMINAL LIFE & HOW HE MET ‘STUART POT’
He has knocked out Stuart Pot twice with a car:
The first one was when Stu was just working in his father’s keyboard/instrument shop, “Uncle Norm’s Organ Emporium”
In August 1997, Murdoc with his gang were on a crime spree in a stolen Vauxhall Astra
Stu got his tie stuck in one of the keyboards & that’s why he couldn’t move & eventually got his left eyeball an 8 ball fracture/grade IV hyphema
Murdoc laughed so hard at Stu that instead of running away & avoid the cops, he was captured by them
Murdoc was appointed to take care of him (for 30,000 hours of community service & 10 hours a week to take care of Stu)
The second time he got 2D in an accident was in Nottingham, Nottinghamshire, England
He tried to impress some ladies, he sped up & performed a 360
Stu came thru flying from the backseat to the windshield, he finally woke up from his coma
He lost both of his once normal eyes
The first time he saw 2D (after crashing into him twice), he thought that he would make a great singer & frontman
DATE POSTED: 20170201
LAST UPDATED BY A.G.: 20170729
DATE WHEN ORIGINAL CREATOR DELETED: 20170801
original credit: a.g.
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REACH FOR THE SKY
me trying to think of a comeback:
fortnite players
Microsoft really out here trying to stifle my creativity
I know “oh no”, “oops”, and “uh-oh” are the suggested substitutes, but it really just looks like Microsoft is prompting you for an apology to your potentially offended readers
i just remembered one time in kindergarten i punched this girl i knew because we were drawing birds and she drew her bird with a human nose and mouth and it pissed me off so badly i went into like berserker mode
it looked like this
*loses one follower*