Words and Stuff

I like words and arranging them in sweet but funky ways.

[mistour-j]

SolarMan

The shroud of night engulfed Michael Hughes, it’s only opponent was a fading candle flickering on a sleek glass table. Around it were towers of beer bottles, making a city with the fading light as its centre. Michael stared sullenly at the moon’s twilight with a subtle look of inebriation. The air felt cold on his skin and the hair on his arms stood up straight. Slowly his gaze shifted to the ground, which was about 20 stories under him. In his eyes it didn’t look that far but he knew it was enough. He started to prop himself up on the railing, each movement with the slightest bit of hesitation. Finally Hughes stood up straight, shifting back and forth to gain his balance on the railway. His curly brown hair flapped from a gust of wind, the candle behind him following suit. The realization of just how drunk he was dawned upon Michael, his arms out and waiting to takeoff. Though his gaze never left the black pavement that awaited him, the cracks thirsty for his blood. The thought itself almost convinced him to climb down, but the depressed man stood his ground fighting the shake in his knees. His brown eyes closed from the fear and Michael forced pleasant memories to surface. He saw a dirty yellow bandana with crudely cutout eye holes lying on a desk. A pair of hands gently pick the cruddy mask up. Suddenly the shaking stopped. Two tense arms were now relaxed at his sides. A warm smile stretched across Michael’s face. The air no longer felt cold. The skin of his feet began to slide against the railing, as he let gravity take the wheel. Suddenly the screech of a young woman stopped his descent, his eyes flashed open as his ears were still ringing with the echo. He gave an annoyed look toward his back left. Sounds like it’s only a couple of miles away. Quickly Michael hopped off the pole, back onto his balcony, and headed inside. The candle on the table stood boldly now, withstanding the gust of wind hitting it. Then suddenly it went out, as smoke floated from a blackened wax stem. A golden blur stopped above the condominium and a man in a golden suit took form. A tattered spandex suit of varying golds covered Michael’s muscular body. Tired but focused eyes peered through a dirtied white mask with gold trim. A white cape flapped proudly in the wind as the letters S & W were boldly stitched in the center. The woman’s scream went off again, this time Michael pinpointed it, and in the blink of an eye he flew over to the other side of town to investigate.

[mistour-j]

Two Cents Review (Tangerine)

Tangerine is one of the more unique films that I’ve seen this year. I mean how many films visualize the a gritty version of L.A. where transitioning transsexual prostitutes are the lead characters in a story centered around the protagonist searching for her cheating boyfriend Chester, with just sprinkle of Cinderella story tropes. Not even your weirdest fan-fictions quite match up to this story in strangeness.

Directed by Sean Baker, Tangerine stars transsexual actresses Kitana Kiki Rodriguez and Mya Taylor along with their male counterpart Karren Karagulian. The story revolves around the day of three characters, who are all connected by way of friendship and/or their “business” relationship. The film divides its time between the characters as each one lives out their “everyday” lives (I use everyday tentatively). The colorful cast of characters is what makes these stories interesting, and each actor cast were great in their roles, especially Rodriguez who plays the protagonist Sin-dee. People are saying this of one the best portrayed transsexual characters ever brought to film and you would have a hard time debunking that belief. Sin-dee is a fully fleshed out character whose gender and sexuality isn’t exploited or overtly talked about. Taylor and Karagulian are also good in their own right but I can’t help but feel I’m missing out when the camera isn’t on Rodriguez. This is one of the reasons I feel the story stumbles, losing my interest, but I can’t say I was truly bored at any part of the film.  

Though the story is not what makes Tangerine such an amazing film to watch. The cinematography is just beautiful, but not in a clean way. The film is gritty and dirty, comparable to films like Drive and Nightcrawler, where the seediness of L.A. and California is the highlight. Though the difference with Tangerine is that violence isn’t the forefront but sex is (though violence still makes an appearance). I want to eye-fuck this movie, then take a shower afterward, and the craziest part about it is that it was all shot using iPhone cameras. Baker got so many beautiful shots, you’ll be looking at your own iPhone asking it to step its game up.

Baker’s Tangerine is a movie of its one kind. The characters are lovable and manage to shine through story that stumbles a few times. It’s beautiful in a “I’d hit that then dip my penis in bleach” kind of way. So just like a STD that was worth it, let me spread it to you. Check this film out!

Rating: 7/10

[mistour-j]

Two Cents (Dark Places)

Dark Places a Gilles Paquet-Brenner film based off the Gillian Flynn (the writer of the critically acclaimed film/novel Gone Girl novel of the same name).  It stars Charlize Theron, Nicholas Hoult, and Christina Hendricks.  Theron and Hoult also starred in the 2015 Mad Max film a movie so badass I leave the theater with an erection each time I watch it. The movie features Theron playing Libby Day, the survivor of a family massacre that took place 30 years ago. The story features the themes of family, truth and looks at how evil the soul of a human can go. Taking you, dare I say it, a Dark Place (shameful face palming ensues).  So with all these elements that look awesome on paper, why does Dark Places suck so much?

Well two words my friends: boring and stupid. And in that order. Dark Places starts on the night of the Day massacre. We see this from the perspective of Libby, who was separated from the action given her escape. Afterwards she testifies that her brother Ben Day committed the murders thanks to everyone believing the testimony of a traumatized 8 year old. Great detective work right?! 30 years after the murder, Libby is strapped for cash so she accepts to work for Lyle Wirth (Nicholas Hoult) who is apart of a club that investigates murders that were concluded under suspicious circumstances. What this amounts to is Libby revisiting people from her family's past to uncover the truth of what really happened that night, and it's so boring. There is still hope though, because while this dull search is going on we are constantly teleported back to the day the massacre took place. This part of the plot revolves a teenage Ben Day and as this story progresses we see some of the many accomplishments Mr. Day: boyfriend to a slutty satanist, accused child molester, and son to an alchololic deadbeat. All of this we learn through Ben's plot to runaway and start a life with his pregnant girlfriend. So with all of these elements put in place take a guess of how fun that was to watch. Boring. It's all boring, both storylines.

Dark Places is an idea that sounds like it could be something interesting to see unfold but it's not, but in case you didn't notice I don't think it was well executed. Why? Because the characters in the film are stupid, and they make it really hard for you to like them. So whatever plights they're going through it culminated to me not caring. The only thing the film had going for it was the murder itself. I wanted to see what really went down that night, and I had to wait 100 minutes just to see what happened. And when it was all said and done, take a guess on how what I thought about this mysterious murder? Boring? No just plain stupid. The decisions that were made that night don't me any sense. In fact if any common sense was applied that night, the tragic murder of two little girls and a mother would've never happened. The whole is devoid of redemption and I hate the characters more than I did by the time the credits were rolling. Who's to blame? Well that's the question to answer in this whole equation. It would be too easy to say Gillian Flynn, given her name is plastered everywhere in the marketing, but I don't think so. I've heard good things about the novel and I understand that you can't squeeze in as much explanation for the stupidity of the characters in a two hour flick. As an added note Gillian Glynn did not write the screenplay to Dark Places, that dishonor would go to the director. Theron, Hoult, and all the actors can't take much of the blame either. They do an okay job with the material given to them, and I'm not biased in any way (even if I'd like to explore Charlize Theron's dark place).

Overall don't see this movie, unless you want to but left with so many questions that it just pisses you off thinking about it. There's my two cents, something that would've been more well used somewhere else.

Rating: 3/10

[mistour-j]

Stanford Prison Experiment (2 cents Review)

Stanford Prison Experiment is the 3rd feature film from director Kyle Patrick Alvarez about the 1971 psychological experiment conducted by Dr. Phillip Zimbardo. I’m not going to get into the specifics of the premise since most are familiar with one of the greatest failures ever in the field of psychology. Though if you someone who is unfamiliar with the experiment - don’t worry I was in the same boat just a few days ago - then here’s a basic overview. Zimbardo wanted to see the psychological effects someone goes through when put in either an authoritative or subjective role. By recruiting 24 Stanford students and creating a mock prison in the basement of the psychology building of Stanford, Zimardo aimed to see the effects by keeping 12 student prisoners in the prison for two weeks, having the student prison guards watch over them. What followed was an intense and disturbing 2 hour cinematic experience.

The acting in this film is superb, featuring an ensemble cast of lesser known actors who all bring something to their roles. Though the show is stolen by Billy Crudup and Michael Angarano, who play Zimbardo and Dave “John Wayne” Eshelman respectively (On Angarano’s IMDB page it says the name of his character was Christopher Archer but the man he was portraying was Dave Eshelman, so there you go). These guys are corrupted assholes in the film, the source for most of the horrible things that happen and we love them for it. Especially Angarano who plays the role of a student who plays the role of a prison guard who plays the role of Strother Martin playing the role of the sadistic guard captain in “Cool Hand Luke”. His acting along with his co-stars is what really highlights one of the themes of the movie corruption. Whether it’s done through abuse of the physical and psychological nature or reflection on moral ignorance, Alvarez makes your skin crawl and head ache from just how much suffering takes place in this film (literally I left the theater with a headache).

Though even with all this intensity, the film still ends up being underwhelming by the time it’s all said and done. By the time the credits are rolling, you’ll be sitting there asking “That’s it?” Unfortunately yeah. The last third of the movie sadly loses focus, taking the audience away from the action of the story, the prisoners and guards, to have us watch the “behind the scenes” aspect of the experiment. Though this part is okay in its own right, I can’t help but feel I’m missing out on something by not spending more time with the characters that make the movie what it is: the students and the prison that quickly eats at their psyche. The other part just delves into the cliched look on the moral ambiguity of science and all the stuff that we’ve seen before. But the problem goes deeper than that, and you could spare the time allow me to explain it. This film focuses on a nonfiction event but tells the story in a traditional hollywood narrative form. That’s fine but that requires things from the story that I think the Stanford Prison Experiment lacks. The climax is the biggest culprit regarding this problem, being steps away from something that I could call satisfying. I’m not saying they should’ve replaced actual events with some fictional dribble but I expected something more inline with the type of story Alvarez was telling. I applaud the movie for sticking as close to they could with the event they were replicating, but if accuracy is what you were going for then why not a documentary? This gives the filmmakers more freedom to tell the story how they want, also no more me sitting there saying “Well that was underwhelming”. It’s a documentary, what did you expect? Also there would’ve been an opportunity to get interviews with the participants and how the six day event affected their lives years down the road. Instead we just get a black screen with white text telling us where the characters are today. This problem is a personal one I know, most of you will probably be fine with the way it ended. But my head hurt for a reason, and it wasn’t just from an overdose of human atrocity. It’s also stemmed from a lack of something from the film telling me, “everything is going to be alright.” But no. Everything is shitty and that’s the way it’ll stay, now where’d I put that tylenol?

Stanford Prison Experiment is a fine film, and I’d recommend to most people (unless intense psychological torture is a subject that makes you queasy). Highlighted by great acting and an intense tone, but it’s shortcoming come from the storytelling though the problem  could bother some but not most. That’s my 2¢ on the topic, go check it out.

Rating: 6/10

[mistour-j]

Roses are red violets are blue you hate me and I hate you too

[mistour-j]

It's funny, the past 21 years. Years of disappointment on each side. Frustration and damnation cursed both in yells and whispers. You don't understand me and neither I understand you and I chuckle because on this Father's Day I still miss your company. One day Simba will return to Mufasa with a full mane like his own (just with less gray) and we will smile with cold beers in hands, talking about the shit we put each other through in the days of the past. Love you Pops.

[mistour-j]

It's lonely at the top

[mistour-j]

There Are No Fairy Tales

Once upon a time there was a boy, A silly boy Who believed in fairy tales. Well not anymore. There is no Prince Charming, Destined to find his true love no matter what. Fairy Godmother never appears, Waving her magic wand in the name of love Love isn't a benevolent force. Just a word with unfulfilled promises. There are no romantic miracles. Just "could've been"s that never will. Sleeping beauty never wakes up, And Simba never comes home. Cinderella never finds her slipper. And the frog never gets his kiss. There are no fairy tales. No fairies, no wizards, no magic, No stories that don't end tragic. Tears aren't potions that bring life. Just pieces of the soul leaving the body. Happily ever after isn't forever, Just summers of paradise. Built off lovely lies meant to die, As Untrue Love drys with the leaves. Leaving the boy with two words, The End. Once upon a time there was a man, A bitter man Who believed in reality, And nothing more.

[mistour-j]

Day in, Day out

Her face radiated by spring sunlight

Clear blue eyes reflecting the sky above us.

Clouds from afar, allowing us our day in the sun.

A smooth breeze slips through our intertwined fingers.

Freshly bloomed roses mix with her heavenly scent

Love is in the air.

As the weather caresses my cheeks, clouds approach.

A rapid gust separates our cold hands

And bullets of rain shower down on heads rushing for cover.

An awning shelters us while we brush off the unexpected downpour

My lady’s silky hair now hangs in front of her pale face.

Her eyes dark underneath the clouds, as her frown confronts me.

I look to the sky disappointed yet understanding.

[gavinnfree-deactivated20180313]

[x]

[mistour-j]

Ryan's looks so cuddly

[mistour-j]

Top 5 Most Anticipated Games from E3

With this year’s E3 wrapping up, we finally got games to complement our next-gen consoles. Along with receiving new additions to beloved franchises, IPs making their debut to this generation were also announced. No matter what console you run with, there are plenty of great titles that will keep you up late at night. Though which got the majority of my affection? Well in case you care, which you probably don’t, I present to you…

Mistour J’s Top 5 Most Anticipated Games from E3:

5. Inside: When I played Limbo back in 2010 for the first time, it found its place on my Favorite Games of All-Time list. I waited for what Playdead would do next and now after 4 years of my hope withering away the announcement of Inside has finally come. As far as the story goes no real details, other than it takes place in a futuristic setting, have been released. Inside looks to have to same tone and feel that Limbo had but in color, and that’s good enough for me. I’m eager to learn more about the game, but as of now Playdead already has my purchase.

4. Assassin’s Creed Unity: I was never big fan of Assassin’s Creed 3 or Black Flag, so when I heard they were leaving the pirate theme and taking the series to the French Revolution era, I immediately got excited. The Co-op gameplay looks interesting and the idea of slicing some Templars with friends just sounds enticing (now I just have to find 3 friends). The first next-gen Assassin’s Creed game looks to be very promising, from the hectic setting to the innovative gameplay. With a release date of October 28th, AC Unity is definitely a top priority game for me to get this fall.

3. The Last of Us Remastered: Being one of those guys who switched from Xbox 360 to PS4 (yeah Sony won me over) I never had a chance to play the award winning Naughty Dog game Last of Us. Thinking that I would have to wait for PlayStation Now, a mixture of surprise and relief overcame me when I heard of the announcement from Sony that they were going to re-release their survival adventure game on PS4, graphically enhanced of course. Now only excitement and anticipation fills me as the July 29th release date approaches. The month of August is only to contain two things: Last of Us and not going to class because of Last of Us.

2. Halo: The Master Chief Collection: Okay I’ll admit it, if it wasn’t Halo then this probably wouldn’t have made the list. I was disappointed when I thought I would have to wait until 2015 to play Halo on Xbox One. Imagine my surprise when 343 announced their 4 in 1 Halo package. Now I can relive the entire Master Chief Saga from start to finish (a perfect prep for Halo 5) and play one of the greatest multiplayer in video game history in all its next-gen glory. All without having to dust off my old Xbox consoles. Also the collection comes with a Halo 5: Guardians beta and access to the live-action series Halo: Nightfall. Yeah I’m a Halo fan boy, but with a November 11th release that fanaticism is going to pay off real soon.

1. Destiny: Bungie, the company that brought me my favorite video game franchise, is close to releasing their first post-Halo project. Not only does it feature an innovative multiplayer, but it seems to have an intriguing story to back it up. Considering Bungie’s track record with both of these aspects, I’m not too worried about where they take Destiny. Whether it’s a RPG, FPS, or somewhere in between (a RPS?), I’ve liked what I’ve seen and can’t wait to pick up my copy in September. There’s really not much else I can say about the game, it’s Bungie going next-gen. What else do you need?

These are only a handful of titles that will be coming our Xbox Ones and PlayStation 4s. With plenty of great games coming this year and more on the way in 2015, there’s only one thing I can say. “God it feels good to be a gamer!” and that couldn’t be any truer. To find out more about your favorite upcoming games visit http://www.ign.com/events/e3.

[mistour-j]

The fact the Rooster Teeth met their funding goal of $650,000 within one day of announcing their movie project proves that they have one of the best fan bases in all of the web. Congratulations, hope the movie turns out great!!

[fireblink]

Banana on the run, best reaction ever.

[mistour-j]

A banana running for its life. It doesn't get any stranger. Definitely one of the funniest AH moments.

[mistour-j]

Random Ramblings

Similes that make you smile?

Nah, I’d rather depress you, like when I watch Green Mile.

Eat some cake, then alliterate while I masturbate.

Mistour Mastermind, massacre all the masqueraders.

Until the only ones left are me and Darth Vader.

Live out our lives playing Battlefront, spamming the Death Star,

Dueling with toy lightsabers, and force choking Jar Jar.

Then for Halloween we’d trick-or-treat on Tatooine.

Scared of the nightlife, so I turn on my nightlight.

My conscious drew a chalk line between wrong and right,

But as time went by I stacked my cloudy days.

Now I don’t know how to act, the rain washed the chalk away.

- Mistour J

[madiniwa]

I love myself some shopkeep Geoff, so of course Geoff’s Surfing and Mercantile in Dropping List was a god send. Finished this whilst watching the majesty that is the 8-Bit Salute Livestream #godzillanoise

[mistour-j]

S/o to the fanart and pumpkin-headed ray!!

[ohmydearray]

I need this as a poster

[mistour-j]

My life would have more meaning if this was on my wall

[mistour-j]

11 Reasons Why I Hate Rooster Teeth

They Founded the Company When? - This company was founded on April 1st, 2003. Whose bright idea was that? I still don’t understand this, you couldn’t have waited another day to start the company; It really have to be on this one day? I still think it’s a joke.

Their community is too social – I’m like Gus, an angry, antisocial guy just less pretty. So when I saw that this community was all nice and shit, I was like “fuck that”. This is what happens when you have a great community manager who gets fans involved. That’s right I blame you Barbara. You and your bad puns.

 Stop bringing in new people – What’s up with all these new faces at the company. I don’t like change and things being different. All these people with their fresh ideas and creative minds, especially you Blaine. I could take you any day. To all you people changing rooster teeth into something better, GTFO!

Where are all the black people? - Over the years, rooster teeth has diversified their work place immensely. They have: White, Mexican, Asian, Canadian, British, Puerto Rican, Egyptian, Cat and Purple Puppet employees. So where the hell are all the black people? Oh I see how it is Rooster Teeth, got a problem with the brothas huh? At least I know what RTAA doesn't stand for; Rooster Teeth Affirmative Action.

The Know – Rooster Teeth has “kNOw” business doing news (bad pun for Barb). Just because you put an attractive woman with great energy on a show who delivers news in a timely and entertaining matter, doesn’t mean I going to watch it…okay it does (did I mention attractive) but I still don’t like it because I’m on the internet and have to be angry about something.

The Podcast and Gus – Why do you make the podcast so short Sorola? An hour and a half of hilarious conversations and informative discussion just ain’t enough for me. Over 250 episodes and you haven’t figured that out yet? And I haven’t heard my theme song on the podcast yet, I want to serenade you with my heart-melting vocals.  Also why is it that you always have second Gus on but he’s never said a word ever?

 Achievement Hunter - Years of providing side splitting comedy and I've never seen these guys take their jobs the slightest bit seriously. Just grown men making penis jokes and playing Xbox, stupid job if you ask me (You guys hiring?). You'd think people who get paid play video games and make funny videos would act a little more professional around the work place. Geoff, you and your mustache look like something out of a vintage porno and all of the Achievement Hunters can suck my fat knob. But no seriously you hiring?

Monty Is So Awesome - Monty Oum is just too much of too awesome. What, innovating an already innovative RvB show wasn't enough for you? Now you have to create your own show too? Fucking show-off this guy. By the way that's not how you spell Ruby.

11 seasons of Red vs. Blue - Talk about not knowing when to quit while you're ahead. Yeah you have great characters and great writing, and I continue to enjoy every second of it. So what, just because a show continues to be awesome doesn't mean you should continue to make it. Or does it? Well 11 seasons is just too much. What...they're making a 12th? …What the fuck?!

Burnie “Fucking” Burns – The motherfucker who started it all. You’re the reason for this list, for my hate. You just had to have a creative idea about combining film and video games, I mean who thinks of that? It’s all your fault. You’re witty, creative, hilarious, and hardworking, traits I respe…I mean hate in a person. Fuck you Burnie! Oh and just so you know, honey defiantly does not expire.

They’re An Inspiring and Innovative Company – In general I just hate the company. They’ve not only inspired an entire community but an entire industry as well. Video games would not be the same without Rooster Teeth. They changed the way people interact with video games and with each other. 11 years they’ve been doing that shit and it’s fucking gay.

Is case you didn't catch on, I fucking love Rooster Teeth. This is just me trying to be funny and sarcastic.Happy (late) 11th anniversary guys! Keep on making great content for the internet :).