Alright, lets destroy the taboo surrounding cuckolding once and for all. Are you ready? Get ready, because when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. When it comes to cuckolding, you have to see it for what it is, rather than what you think it is. In other words, you have to see it, from a perspective, that doesn’t personally involve you, even if you’re the one being cuckolded. There’s a submission in that, a surrendering, and it’s that surrendering that makes cuckolding an incredible experience, compared to a betrayal of trust, or neglect, or envy, or jealousy.
First of all, cuckolding is not required to have a successful, happy, and wonderful female led relationship. Many don’t need it, nor want it. However, many could benefit from it, if they examined why they don’t want it. So in the end, it really boils down to if cuckolding is in alignment with you both as a couple, or not, and whether or not, you can get in alignment with it.
Cuckolding is often something that is worked toward as the relationship progresses, as each partner becomes more confident in their role as dominant and submissive, cuckolding is just the next natural step to take. Sometimes it comes easier, or even, occurs early on, so this does vary per couple, but as a general rule, it’s something that is evolved toward.
The reason for this, is because it really does require a lot of inner work in both partners. The inner work of becoming dominant and submissive, requires a change in mindset, it requires letting go of what doesn’t serve you anymore. A dominant cannot hang onto insecurity and be fully dominant. A submissive can’t truly submit without giving up control. You see, this inner work, changes mindsets as the relationship evolves. At first it’s the overcoming of some inhibitions, while keeping others.
Then this gradually evolves into slightly more into letting go of inhibitions, a little more experimental, a little more exploring. A little more intense D/s dynamic. What was once fun, has become the expectation. It’s great to lock him up in chastity, for 3 days, it’s a lot of fun, but now he’s expected to be locked up for a week at a time, without complaint. There is inner work happening automatically to respond to the D/s dynamic. She becomes a little more dominant in time, and he becomes a little more submissive in time. Less inhibitions, more power exchange.
So naturally, it gets to a point where she has discovered that keeping him denied and very horny, is the best place to keep him, all of the time. That if she decides to let him have a release, it’s for her entertainment, and not his need. So often, she finds that intercourse is just something he can’t give her anymore, or very often, because it takes him out of the obedient state she wants him to be in. She doesn’t want to wait for that obedient state to build back up again, she wants to just keep him there, because that’s where he best serves her. She discovers, its up to her, if she wants him out of that state or not.
So now the dilemma of intercourse comes along, and sure, she can make him use a strap on, or a face dildo, and have him pretend to be good at the rough sex she craves from time to time, and this can work maybe beautifully. It serves to tease him and keep him denied, she cums, and it brings them closer together in the D/s dynamic. He loves providing her pleasure, and being kept denied for her.
Yet, it’s still often not as good as the real thing. Not only that, but as her confidence increased as she becomes more dominant, she’s going to naturally be more attractive to the men in the world. She’s going to be getting male attention, and as she becomes more and more dominant, she’s going to realize that her submissive has no say in her sex life if she doesn’t want him to have a say.
A submissive, having done the inner work, will eventually come to the same conclusion if he hasn’t already. He knows her sex life has nothing to do with him, and he wants to make sure she is pleasured. Many submissives find the idea is very hot, and encourage their dominant to cuckold them. However, if they haven’t done the inner work, they’re going to find that when she actually follows through on it, he feels neglected by her. Or jealous of her lover. If the inner work hasn’t been done, cuckolding can wreak havoc on the relationship.
The idea that she could do it, when he really only loved the fantasy of it. The reality hits him like a truck. He either does the inner work because of that, or it ruins him and his relationship to her, feeling betrayed. On the flip side, she may feel guilty for having done it, and when that’s combined with his feelings of betray, look out, it’s likely a relationship ender. And it’s all because the inner work wasn’t done in either of them, they’ve now encountered friction on a level beyond their capability to cope.
This is why cuckolding should never be rushed, and should be adequately communicated about with each other. There should be no secrets between each other, all fantasies and all fetishes, and all feelings, should be on the table in plain view, at all times. When she gets the urge to cuckold him because some cute guy hit on her at the gym, she should be able to go home and tell her submissive about it, just to gauge his reaction. Which should be an honest reply of how he really feels about it.
During the discovery of the D/s dynamic and the letting go of inhibitions there are often key points where each partner has their own epiphany, the epiphany that this is really happening, that he is hers. A sense of belonging, or a sense of ownership. It’s just a point in which, that level of D/s dynamic has become the new normal. That there’s no going back. Many couples experience many gradual epiphanies, but there comes a point where there’s an epiphany of epiphanies. It’s the point where, the D/s dynamic is who they truly are. It’s the epiphany of freedom to be dominant, and freedom to be submissive. The becoming dominant and submissive to each other is over, they have become dominant and submissive to each other.
It’s the point at which, his dedication to her never wavers, and she knows she is free to do anything she pleases without the fear that he would ever leave her. This doesn’t include abuse, abuse is always a deal breaker. However within the framework of the D/s dynamic, he is hers, and she controls both their lives. Which means, she gets to act single, if she wishes, when she is out and about. Her submissive, knowing he belongs to her, wants her to fully be herself, and if that means finding a lover, to make up for the sex he’s no longer allowed to give her, or perhaps never could, then he’s all for it. Her pleasure, is his pleasure, and he wants that for her. He encourages that for her. He may help her accomplish it, if she wants him to.
Cuckolding can become this very intimate thing, that takes the D/s dynamic to the next level. She may have him get her ready for dates, picking out a cute outfit, or driving her to her date. He may help her get ready for the date, shaving her legs, after bathing her. The fantasy of the cuckolding can become a very intimate experience and bring them very close together. He is excited for her and happy she’s confident enough to truly get what she wants.
Cuckolding can start out gradually like all other things, and build up to more and more involvement for her submissive. Maybe he’s at home while she’s out at her lovers hotel room and she comes home the next day to tell him about it. Maybe it then graduates to her inviting her lover to her house. Maybe her cuckold is in the same room, maybe not. There’s any number of ways and ideas that can be explored through cuckolding and that’s dependent upon what she wants.
After the fact, her submissive is eager to hear the detail, he’s eager to support her, and make sure she doesn’t feel guilty about it. He feels owned and in complete bliss knowing she comes home to him. That he is hers, and she cuddles him afterward. He loves her through allowing her to come back to him. That she is free, and she loves him because of that freedom. He is her rock. He is the one she trusts more than anyone in the world. Nothing can replace him. Cuckolding can bring about that realization. He has nothing to do with her sex life, yet everything to do with it. Which is exactly what submission is.
It’s the knowing that he is where he belongs, and that belonging can’t have attachments to outcomes. Because an attachment to an outcome, is an attempt to control. He gets the outcome she wants him to have. He doesn’t get a say in that but she must know his limits.
That’s the beauty of the D/s dynamic it’s designed to discover those limits. A lot of what people think are limits, are just inhibitions that can be overcome in time, with inner work. Some of them can’t be, and if there truly is no inner work to be done, and the resistance to the idea is that strong that it repulses you, then that’s the limit. But if there’s any question at all, any inkling that may not be the case, that needs to be communication, because there’s inner work there, that can be done.
If that inner work is done with cuckolding, it really does open up a whole new world to the D/s dynamic, and the possibilities that can be explored together. Those possibilities can never be understood, until they’re already available. You have to become a cuckold couple, to understand that. Everything else is fantasy that can’t become reality, or a turn off that is loyal to monogamy.
Many people are enslaved by the idea of monogamy, but when they discover it’s simply a social construct designed to keep people limited because sexual expression is shunned, they want to free themselves. Others, make it a choice, and when it’s a choice, it’s perfectly okay. There is nothing wrong with being monogamous. But you have to ask yourself, is it you making the choice, or is it society making the choice for you? If it’s society making the choice for you, then you have to understand, that you were never given the option. “ A bird that’s lived it’s whole life in a cage, thinks flying is an illness.”
Cuckolding is not cheating, rather, It is a direct result of the unfolding of natural female desire. Where she understands that monogamy was just another instilled taboo to control her. She realizes she can have the best of both worlds, having an attentive submissive to cater to her sensual sexual nature, to provide her with everything she wants, and a lover to give her the sex she craves, liberating her to explore her sexuality beyond her wildest dreams. Which means, since she gets the best of both worlds, her submissive does to, because he belongs to her, and her pleasure is his pleasure, her happiness, his happiness. They both get the best of both worlds, because neither of them, want it to be any other way.
Want to understand the world of female led relationships? Check out my book series Practical FLR Volumes 1-3
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