| Preferences |
☘︎ Main pronouns are she/her, but I'm happy with they/them and he/him, as my name has confused a number of people.
☘︎ Don't ask about my race right off the bat. Dealt with too much of that as a kid.
☘︎ I may sound like a child sometimes due to my throat constricting, but I am over 21. Please treat me like the adult I am.
| About Me |
I have Selective Mutism, which is an anxiety disorder that physically prevents me from speaking in certain social situations. In simple terms, it's constipation of the vocal cords.
| My Activities |
I'm a teru teru bōzu VTuber named Shōko Sanzen, but I'm not streaming or uploading much at the moment due to depression kicking my ass. I'm mostly active on Tumblr and Twitter for now, sharing anecdotes and discussing mental health/LGBTQ topics.
I also spend more time than necessary on sheeshposts because I enter The Zone and forget everything else 'til I'm satisfied with my work. There was one time I spent upwards of ten hours editing a video that has a duration of less than eighty-five seconds.
| Links/Friend Codes |
☀ masterlist of Tumblr posts
☀ Chiikaboom (model mama/papa)
☀ ikemen-trifecta (writing blog I do video edits for)
☀ some more of my video edits (YouTube playlist)
☀ more links & preferences (Pronouns page)
☀ IkéPri: Rosalie 🌹 P3PFNZ4ZF
☀ IkéVil: Robin 💌 P925S4HD7
☀ IkéRev: Lissy 🃏 P54UVC7RJ
☀ IkéVamp: Shou 🍷 P7QLHS422
just a little chart thing to show my thought process about my alias
Gonna start quoting this when Selective Mutism relapses.
The book is Wren Martin Ruins It All by Amanda DeWitt. Wren's super curmudgeonly and I don't think I'd get along with him 'cause he reminds me of myself as a kid, but I love that his inner monologue is so loud and not sugarcoated.
This book definitely isn't for everyone and uses a lot of eloquently bitter phrasing, but I'm enjoying it 'cause it feels somewhat like how my brain structures my thoughts. I feel very calm and at home. It's also great that the ace community is getting more representation for guys.
At the request of @purple-hyacinth-from-my-heart, here is an update (which grew into a rambling review)!
The shortest way to put my thoughts is that this became my favourite book when I finished it. The longer version...
[includes spoilers below and a text behemoth]
I love how Wren's inner monologue is a torrent of simultaneously eloquent and immature ramblings that gets interrupted by the next chapter or text exchanges. It really captures the stream of consciousness someone struggling with mental health (me, at least /lh) has. It's the kind of pretentiousness I would be put off by in real life but feels like home in literature.
The premise of an asexual trying to cancel a school dance is super interesting without making him unlikeable. It's just the right amount of high school antics and learning to take others' opinions into account even though he doesn't think getting rid of it is a detrimental thing at first. Bringing an app based on anonymity into the mix adds mystery as well, which I found very fun.
Ryan's excited inhale when a masquerade is mentioned in Chapter 2 and Wren's increasing sense of dread at her "betrayal" is super charming and such a good way to highlight how they're best friends whilst establishing that there's a pattern of having differing opinions. Like "You know I love you, but this is non-negotiable."
The reveal of Leo having developed the app because he's that interested in Wren got me. I hadn't expected that at all, which may be more of a me thing 'cause I often miss details due to my brain always taking in a bunch of other things all at once, but I think it's still effective even for readers who were able to clock the twist.
I would have liked Wren's asexuality to be talked about more because we need more representation for ace guys in fiction, but I also appreciate how casual it is. It isn't made into a stereotype like certain series that portray aces alone in the corner and rolling their eyes at the thought of sex. Wren is in the spotlight for most of this story and even has the highest position of student council president.
It's also wonderful how Leo doesn't pressure Wren to do anything he doesn't want to, and we even get subversions of the "allo initiates affection" trope because Leo is shy about PDA. In fact, Wren is the one to fluster him with surprise kisses, which shows character growth and healing from his grief by way of him being more approachable and mischievous.
The secondhand embarrassment of Wren saying he and Leo are married in order to sample food at a venue should have been too much for me, but the way the plot and characters are set up charmed me so much that I was able to tolerate that type of discomfort I tended to avoid since childhood (sometimes I just wouldn't consume a piece of media because secondhand embarrassment was too draining to process, even if I'd already memorized the plot of movies/books/etc).
Something I feel is a tad too neat is how quickly Leo comes around to Wren being his chat partner on Buddy. He's in the process of getting over him when it's revealed, so I would've liked some more time for him to think over that revelation. However, I personally like how that means it's less for me to process.
Some other things that don't add a ton to the plot but I just like as more personal preferences:
Wren and Leo's names. "Wren" and "Reyes" feel nice to pronounce as someone who struggles with speaking. I finally wrangled my selective mutism in adulthood, meaning I didn't get the most practice making my mouth form sounds despite English being the only language I'm fluent in. Some words tend to make me feel like I have a plastic block in my mouth even though I pronounce them well, so I really appreciate memorable names that are also simple.
The cover art by cherriielle is gorgeous. Wren's posture betrays his insecurity and captures that air of anxiety teenagers have. The colours are also warm and make me feel like I'm indulging in a rich piece of chocolate cake or the softest buttered bread rolls. This art style is particularly scrumptious and I want to eat it because it's simply not enough to only experience it with my eyes.
I like that Wren is brunet. Dark hair is easier on my cataracts and looks lovely in general.
"Wren Martin" being a reference to two animals makes the pun/wordplay part of my brain happy.
Wren keeping chickens makes me think of my friend who had ducks and makes me smile.
"Merry Go Slower - Distressed" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Is calling yourself asexual (being on the ace spectrum) offensive to other ace people?
So I'm new in this community. I realized I'm in acespec few days ago and I did a lot of research. I decided I don't wanna put any microlabels on myself, because trying to figure out every single detail of so many of them was exhausting and just made me more confused and lost. So I wanted just go by ace or ace spectrum. Also it would be easier to coming out, because people outside queer community usually don't know those microlabels.
But I found many posts (especially on reddit) where ace people were saying that calling yourself that if you are somewhere in between is not good for community. I don't mean to be rude or disrespectful so I think it's better to ask before coming out.
btw: English is not mi 1st language, I'm sorry for all mistakes
CW: retelling experience of aphobia within the community
It's very sweet of you to ask for opinions before deciding on labels for yourself (I did the same for many months), but there isn't a problem with you using them when they feel correct. Even for people who realise later that they aren't ace or find a label that suits them more, it's perfectly fine to have used it because the queer community is meant to be a safe space to discover yourself.
I've had another asexual tell me I'm not queer even though I had been in the aro and ace communities for a long time, because they didn't see the microlabel "demiromantic" as a valid part of the spectrum. It's great that they were so passionate and protective of the community, but refusing to see another queer person as queer only makes us feel unsafe to be ourselves around each other.
If that had happened to me when I first began using the aroace label, there's a chance I would still be trying to force myself to act straight because of how vulnerable I was.
Whatever feels right for you is good, and you're allowed to change your mind. We're happy you're here with us.
My clairvoyance for the IkePri card gacha keeps growing more eerie. I knew before I even started rolling that Yves's spotlight card wouldn't show up 'til I'd spent a ton of my tickets. I predicted 5★ outcomes before their crests showed up.
"Yves? No, not this one."
"Gotta wait more. This won't be Yves."
"Maybe this one? Nah, it's gonna be Matias."
"This one? No. Someone else."
"It's gonna be Matias. No. It's Yves."
I wish I'd gotten a recording 'cause it was so ominous. I had the sensation of sitting under a weighted blanket even though I've been hyperactive all day. It went away after I stopped rolling.
I won multiple standard 5★ cards of Rio, Chev, and Kagari, two of Matias's Make You Mine, and two of Yves's Too Late to Escape in the same roll (Yves in the same roll, not all these in one).
I keep catching myself about to use "neurodivergent" to describe actions that are neurotypical because being neurotypical diverges from how my brain is, hence I end up processing it as neurodivergent.
"Merry Go Slower - Distressed" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
I used the free gacha ticket while listening to a French cover of an Evillious Chronicles song and pulled a bear. Thank you for matching the theme, gacha overlords ♪
