MitsukiKomoriX191 @mitsuki-komori - Tumblr Blog

May 24

I’d Cry

Omg, it’s a Genshin fic on my blog?! Crazy. Anyway, have some Tighnari/Cyno hurt/comfort featuring a depressed Tighnari 🙃

AO3 Link: I’d Cry

He didn’t mind being disliked. Really, Tighnari understood it perfectly well.

In truth, he never considered himself to be a kind person in the first place. Sure, he wouldn’t consider himself bad either, just someone who existed. A fleeting name that sometimes stuck in a person’s head or didn’t.

A man known for his knowledge as a scholar who specialized in botany. The forest watcher in Avidya Forest. The well-versed Amurta graduate. The only guy with ears that stood as proudly as towers.

Only they served as more of a hindrance to him than anything. Having good hearing was useful, until you overheard someone openly sharing their negative thoughts on your personality, then it’s not so useful.

But sometimes he couldn’t help but agree. Really, all these titles bugged him as well. Who are they trying to make him look like? Lesser Lord Kusanali? Because he couldn’t be any farther.

Tighnari didn’t care whether he looked good or if people liked him. Only for the well being of the forests and the people he loved.

Collei, a girl he views as his own sister and had been teaching for some years now. He was proud of her progress. His good friends, Kaveh and Alhaitham, were always comforting to have around. Level headed and able to keep up in conversation. Kaveh, less so, but present most of the time when sober.

And Cyno. Cyno was another wonderful friend of his. His closest friend, in fact. But grouping Cyno with Kaveh and Alhaitham never felt right.

Because despite the corny jokes Tighnari is infinitely times over, his heart, having betrayed him years ago, possessed a deep seeded warmth, a thorn of you will, that did nothing else but think about Cyno. It yearned for him. It wanted him. Yes, Tighnari was maybe in love with Cyno, but he had no interest in pursuing him.

Both of them were busy people with duties to take care of. Even if Cyno reciprocated his feelings, being in a relationship would only weigh them down. Especially Cyno.

And imagining himself with someone as great as Cyno… felt wrong.

Because even though Tighnari managed to carve himself as a highly regarded and respected character, it’d leave a stain on Cyno’s reputation if people knew what was between them.

Cyno never cared for that sort of thing, but…

Fine, maybe Tighnari did care what others thought. Maybe hearing his subordinate talk about how uptight and unapproachable he was struck a chord. It wasn’t wrong, and that’s what bugged him. This isn’t new information to him, but knowing it was just as obvious to others as it was to himself made him feel immensely transparent. And he really hated that feeling.

Hearing it in general hurts, too. Most of the time, his subordinates at least pretended they liked him, as did everyone else. He could tell, he always can, and it’s always been something he accepted.

Tighnari was content that everyone was only pretending to like him. It gave him some room to give the benefit of the doubt, that maybe someone out of everyone he knows actually cares about him a little. That maybe they’d mourn if something happened to him, just for a little while is good enough. If people pretended to like him, he could pretend to fit into the mold everyone revered him so much for.

But the problem lies in when their polite masks slip and the narrative wavers. It lies in when he remembers he doesn’t belong.

He knows that he isn’t someone important in another person’s life or that he’ll ever leave a dent in the world. People let him stick around because they either had to or didn’t have the heart to get rid of him. But the pretend fantasy is what kept him going. If he can pretend he’s doing something of value, he’ll be content.

Most of the time.

Sometimes, he wondered if Collei’s likeness for him was real. Tighnari always assumed she was only acting like she did because she had to. He was her mentor and where she had to be. She never had a choice in the matter. However, he’s been suspecting recently that her smiles directed at him were genuine.

He thought to himself, that can’t be right, but never lingered for too long before moving on. Her acting was good, perhaps.

But if she genuinely did enjoy his company… he’s not sure what the think.

The thought, embarrassingly, terrified him.

Because he’s been through this time again to know she’ll just leave at some point to better herself. Ever since her elezar was cured, she’s already started to spend a lot of her time at the Akademiya. But he’s happy for her; it’s what she deserved after everything she went through. It was the pattern in his life. Patterns in science meant everything, why would he be any different?

He entered every relationship knowing the outcome. The friend you made last month thinks your company is sufficient this month, but next month they’ll be over you.

Knowing this, he still lets it happen anyway. Being aware makes it easier to go into. Hurts less.

But this time, he thinks he’s let himself go too much. Because not only does he love Cyno and Collei, but his brain is even telling him they may like him too. Ridiculous.

Maybe a little. Some tears if he died, but they’d get over it quickly.

These circling thoughts are what triggered him the most. He hated insignificance. That’s also why he covered all the mirrors in his house that he could stumble upon.

“Master Tighnari!” Collei ran into the room with a blooming smile on her face. “I’m going to head over to the Akademiya! Is there anything you’ll need me to get or do while I’m out and about?”

Tighnari mirrored her soft smile and shook his head only briefly lifting his gaze from his notes. “No need, have fun. Be careful about running into Madam Faruzan.”

Her face fell for a second before chuckling. “Will do!” With one last wave, she was gone.

Tighnari was left staring at the blotches of ink on his notepad converging into ineligible scribbles. Hardly anything in the blank space was touched. And he’s been meaning to force himself to write down the information in his head for over an hour now. No use. He can’t do it.

Lately, he can’t do anything. Goes to show you what he’s worth.

Tighnari winced every time his stupidity showed.

He spent so much time scrutinizing others for their low intelligence while he was no better. That’s because he’s an awful person. A horrible hypocrite who thinks himself superior to others because he knows what they do not. Even if that wasn’t his intention, the truth remained the same.

If Cyno knew the truth about him, they’d never speak again. That would hurt Tighnari too much to bear. And if Cyno accepted his flaws… that might hurt worse.

Cyno, despite his dark air, was like the sun to Tighnari. And he was a weed garnering his sustenance from the beams raining down on him from the only light in his life. While Collei was the soil keeping him grounded, soil he depended on too much.

He buried his face in his hands, frustrated. Tighnari was sick of the same circles funneling through his head. If he spent one second not being self absorbed for once, maybe he’d actually get something done.

Because this notepad was just as worthless than when he pulled it out forever ago. It’s already getting around the time he should start his patrol.

He hates this. He’s sick of being a jumbled mess struggling to form even one coherent thought.

How pathetic. Tighnari would be better off going back to where the rest of the Valuka Shuna are, at least that’d be one less thing to pick him out from a crowd. Then again, he left for a reason in the first place. He left with adamant goals in mind, not to mention he wasn’t exactly too keen on the idea of seeing his family again either.

There lies the problem. He’s stuck. Stuck where he doesn’t belong, where everyone secretly wishes for his absence.

Stuck where Cyno wouldn’t stop elevating him to dangerous heights, and causing his heart to surge with elation whenever he’s around. Tighnari is embarrassed. Wasn’t it violating to Cyno to fantasize of their nonexistent romance? God, he’s awful… Cyno deserved so much better than himself as a friend. Tighnari wishes the other would find someone who’d actually learn to appreciate his jokes and understand the space his job as the General Mahamatra created between them.

Yet Tighnari selfishly dreads that thought more than anything. He wants to be with Cyno too much to let him go. He’s too possessive to bear seeing Cyno with someone else. Tighnari clings to him, desperate not to let him leave. That’s wrong of him, he knows, but he can’t stop himself. Because he lacks restraint.

Whenever Cyno leaves on a mission, Tighnari wants nothing more than to grab his wrist, drag him back, and beg him to stay.

Cyno is much better than him, and really everyone else. His heart was kind, he brightened the day, and though his jokes sucked, Tighnari secretly enjoyed them. Not because they were funny, but because it was proof of Cyno trying to be funny, and that always improved Tighnari’s mood, even if outwardly it appeared to be the opposite.

Tighnari clenched his fists, biting his lip in disappointment that he caught himself fawning once again. In the same instant, he slammed his head onto the table wondering if he should just have someone else do his patrol for him.

Cyno—

“Tighnari.”

That eerily familiar voice of the same man that had just been running through his brain caused Tighnari to startle. The suddenness almost made him think it was his imagination, but as he shot up in surprise and snapped to the door to see Cyno standing in the entrance with a soft smile on his face, he found that it wasn’t. His gaze nearly paralyzed him on the spot.

He tilted his head in concern, clearly privy to Tighnari’s frustration. “Are you okay? You seem upset. Usually you would’ve heard me coming.” His amber eyes glazed over Tighnari’s lowered ears and he slowly made his way over.

Tighnari’s heart immediately skipped in beats, increasing in rate at Cyno’s presence. He normally has time to mentally prepare for Cyno to be around, but this time he was completely off guard. Hoping the heat rising in his cheeks didn’t show, he nodded hesitantly. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just some travelers making some trouble for me. Nothing new.”

Cyno furrowed his brows in doubt, which Tighnari didn’t miss. Did he not believe him? Cyno always believed what he told him, but was he finally catching on to Tighnari’s lies? No, that’s not good. What can he say to clear all doubts?

Sensing his discomfort, Cyno spoke before Tighnari had the chance. “Okay, but you can tell me if something’s going on.” He said it in such a sweet and genuine way that his already present guilt tripled.

“What are you even talking about? I’m just a little tired today, that’s all. Anyway,” he began, putting his notepad away, “what are you doing here?” He offered a slight smile.

Cyno’s lips curved up as he leaned against the desk, much to Tighnari’s displeasure. The other was either oblivious or found it amusing. “Since I was free, I figured I would come over and join you on your patrols. This is the right time, isn’t it?”

God, he knows his patrols? It was simple, but Tighnari’s heart melted at that. Not just for how Cyno had paid attention, but also for how he decided to spend his free time with him of all people, and timed it perfectly. “I see. Yes, you’d be right. I was actually about to head out just now. You can join me if you really want to.”

Cyno’s grin widened, all too pleased. “I will. Then we should get going. Lead the way.”

Tighnari stood up, beginning to gather the supplies necessary for the patrol. Feeling Cyno’s gaze made him a little nervous, but he chose to ignore that and swiftly turned to leave once he was done. “You coming?” He paused, unable to stop himself from smiling at him.

His sun was contagious, what can he say? Cyno nodded, coming close and taking the bag right off Tighnari’s back. “Yes.”

“I can carry that myself, you know.” He gave him an unimpressed look, but the General paid it no mind.

“I know, but I want to. When we get back, let’s play some TCG.”

“Ugh…” he sighed. “So that’s the reason.”

He shook his head. “Not exactly… I would’ve done it anyway if you asked.”

“And if I hadn’t?”

Cyno paused. “I still would’ve.”

Once again ignoring the warm churn in his heart, Tighnari went on while Cyno followed closely behind him in giddy strides. Giddy for what, it was anyone’s guess.

●●●

“What do you call a fake noodle?”

“Cyno.”

“An impasta…” Delivered once again with a deadpan expression, Cyno’s tenth joke of the patrol has officially driven Tighnari insane.

Tighnari inhaled through his nose and let out a breath.

“Do you get it? Because—”

“Yeah, I get it…” Cyno waited for his feedback expectantly. “With all these terrible food jokes, I’m starting to think you want food.” Less of a hypothesis and more of a certainty. If Cyno was hungry, did that mean he came over to see Tighnari without eating? Tighnari would hate it if that were true.

In their patrolling, they had yet to come across anything unusual. The same old route with the same old issues or lack thereof. Maybe he and Cyno can head into Sumeru City and get a bite to eat after this. It wouldn’t be a date or anything, but if people got that impression, it wouldn’t be Tighnari’s fault. Would Cyno mind if people thought that? Probably not… maybe it’d just be safer to cook something in the comfort of their own privacy.

Just the two of them, alone. Tighnari hoped Cyno didn’t notice his cheeks being a few shades redder than before. But unfortunately, he wasn’t so lucky. “Your face is red. Are you getting sick?”

Tighnari internally cursed himself. His ear twitched at Cyno’s observation as he once again shook his head. “No, it’s just a bit hot out today.”

Cyno perked his head up as if testing the temperature for himself. “Doesn’t feel hot to me.” Tighnari didn’t respond, making his amber eyes fall. “Maybe we should head back…” He stopped walking, causing Tighnari to follow suit after a few steps.

“There is absolutely no need for that. You’re probably just used to the heat since you’re from the desert. Plus, in my branch of Valuka Shuna, we are more susceptible to high temperatures than most.” He’s bullshitting right now, but Cyno did not need to know that. He technically wasn’t lying? Though his race stems from the desert, in leaving it however many years ago, they’ve now grown less tolerant to it. Although in Tighnari’s case, his genes took it more severely. It’s not like it’s a lie, he’s just exaggerating a bit.

“Yeah, it’s just a little strange. The desert is hot, but out here in the forest, it shouldn’t be…” Cyno narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Tighnari had to stop himself from shriveling under his scrutinizing gaze. He was a bundle of nerves and he knew Cyno could tell. And from the way his ears were twitching, Cyno knew he knew. “Tighnari… are you okay?”

He nodded. “Yes, I’m just fine, why?” Did he answer too quickly?

“You seem a little… anxious.” Tighnari averted his eyes, lips pressing together. He had never been a good liar—not for a lack of being able to pull it off, but because he hated doing it. Especially to Cyno. Then again, he doubted he’d be able to lie to him anyway. He might’ve been hopeless in social situations, but he was attentive and knew what signs to look out for. Cyno was still the General Mahamatra after all.

If he wants to get out of this, he’ll have to give Cyno an answer that will satisfy his concern. “Perhaps I’ve been a little antsy as of late… There's been lots of work to do and I haven’t very much been able to catch up on my sleep.”

That stoic expression deepened with growing worry. “Then you should be resting right now. You can have Collei finish the patrol in your place. I’m sure she’d be happy to… I’ll be with her, so you won't have to worry.”

“That’s nice, but… I’d rather do this myself.” Of course he knew how much Collei would love to go if it meant he could rest, but he might actually never come out of his hut again if he lets himself dump his duties onto his pupil. It’s unbecoming. It’s embarrassing. A huge blow to his ego, which was pathetically one of the only things keeping him going.

Speaking of Collei… She has been giving him rather worried looks lately. Has she noticed? Tighnari put a finger to his chin thoughtfully. Maybe she told Cyno about it and that was why he was here. “Tighnari, you’re spacing out.”

“Did Collei… say anything to you?” he asked before he could stop himself. Cyno raised a confused brow.

“No, why?” He lowered his head. “Is there something I should know about?” Shit. Him and his stupid loud mouth. Now he definitely knows something is wrong. Tighnari wasn’t lying about needing sleep. His lack of it keeps causing slip-up after slip-up.

The wind whispered through the large tree trunks around them, gossiping between each other secrets only known between it and the leaves rustling in its gentle push. Cyno tilted his head, outward stoicism finally falling completely, showing vulnerable care and genuine concern. Tighnari hates that look. It makes him feel like he did something wrong. It wouldn’t exactly be surprising if he did. “Cyno, I…”

He doesn’t know exactly what he wants to say or what his mouth is moving to mutter. Because despite what his mindless thoughts yell at him daily, Tighnari knows that Cyno is worried. Cyno cares about him. They’ve been friends for years, their friendship is genuine. And Tighnari is going to ruin that. Because Cyno doesn’t feel the same way—and even if he did, it’d be hopeless. Getting out of this wasn’t possible. His ears lowered flat against his head, and Cyno took that as a sign to step closer and take his hands into his own. “Tighnari, I’m here.”

And like an angel in the beaming sun, Cyno’s soft voice lured him in like a prayer, pulling him right back under his spell again. Falling so hard that he nearly gave him what he wanted. The General’s plea was quiet, open in a way only Tighnari and Collei had seen, only Tighnari would understand.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to break down and beg for help, to tell Cyno everything and let him reach into his dark hole to help him out. But that’d be selfish.

Help me.

I hate myself.

I love you.

Tighnari is selfish.

“Cyno, I…” he hesitates, and the other waits patiently. Tighnari’s eyes widen, and for a moment his jaw goes stiff, a moment too late. “Cyno, watch out!” He reaches for his bow swiftly as Cyno becomes alert, turning with polearm in hand and infusing it with electro. A flying fungi came too close, hitting Cyno with a harsh cryo attack before Tighnari was able to shoot it with one of his dendro arrows. The General winced at the pain, but stood battle ready.

“We’re surrounded.” As several fungi began to block their exits, Tighnari was frozen in place (Cyno would be proud of that pun), staring at the minor injury on Cyno’s shoulder.

“Are you hurt?!” He clearly sees the injury, there was no point asking. Still, Cyno shook his head dismissively. It wasn’t serious. But he was still hurt. Tighnari could’ve stopped it if he had reacted in time. But he didn’t. This was all his fault. As a valuka shuna, he should’ve been able to see this coming way before that cryo fungi had the chance, and yet he was too incompetent to do anything.

Cyno turned his back to him. “I’ll handle these guys, you take that side.” He sprinted into battle, striking down foe after foe with electro as his vision shined an elegant purple. Tighnari blinked, finally coming back to his senses just in time to dodge another attack and shoot down the fungi closest to him.

But… he’d deserve it, wouldn’t he? Cyno shouldn’t be the only one who gets hurt from this encounter. After all, this was all his fault. He should be hurt too, just a little… Just enough.

Tighnari stepped back, ears shooting up at the sound of a small splash. He glanced down, finding himself standing in a puddle from the rain earlier that day. Attention snapping back up, another cryo fungi readied an attack. Tighnari didn’t move, watching it with disinterest. Everything moved in slow motion. Fierce attacks from Cyno sounding behind, fungi getting closer—multiple of them readying their elemental attacks, and the bout of cryo already coming his way.

Sharp pain shot up his leg, a hoarse chill numbed his legs. His leg encased itself in a sheen of ice, preventing him from escaping. He tried to pull at his leg, to yank it out with growing force, but in his growing panic, it was in vain. “NARI!” Cyno’s yell echoed as a distant shout. Tighnari looked up, seeing an array of elemental lights and colors coming right at him. His eyes clenched shut, bracing for impact.

But Cyno was faster. With Tighnari’s ears flat against his head and crouched down like he had accepted his fate, Cyno knew he had to act fast. He charged ahead, deflecting the attacks with ease before coming at them with his spear. He was too busy finishing the rest of them off to notice Tighnari observing him meekly, evidently ashamed.

After striking the last monster down, they were safe once again.

Tighnari focused elsewhere, too embarrassed to face Cyno, so he worked on trying to free himself of the ice still trapping him instead. His desperate attempt to ignore Cyno, however, was a failure. Before he knew it, Cyno stood in front of him and with his polearm, freed him from the ice. “Thank you—”

“What is wrong with you?!” Cyno gripped his shoulders firmly, but not roughly. “Why did you freeze up like that? Why weren’t you fighting back?! Don’t you know what could’ve happened?!” Cyno poorly disguised the way his shoulders quivered in fear. For a brief second, he genuinely thought Tighnari was done for. Tighnari, who wasn’t responding. “Answer me, Nari! Were you trying to get yourself killed?!”

Another silent response. The Valuka Shuna turned his head away, wishing he really had been hit if it meant being able to avoid the confrontation. Cyno’s hands tightened into fists. “...No.”

“You hesitated.” Cyno, observant as ever, wasted no time calling him out. It was like no matter what he did, he’d give himself away. “Why did you hesitate?” This time, Cyno seemed more frantic to garner an answer. Distress and concern painted his features.

“I didn’t hesitate,” he denied. The General didn’t bite.

“You did.” The assertion was stated as fact. “Why did you hesitate?” he asked again, stepping closer with a gentler demeanor. “Tighnari… you weren’t trying to get yourself killed, were you?”

Tighnari sucked in a breath, then exhaled. “No, I wasn’t—ah!” Sheer cold struck up his leg, causing a sharp yelp and stumble, which Cyno caught him. “I can’t feel my leg…” he muttered.

“I’ll carry you back.” Without further words Cyno directed Tighnari to his back and lifted him up.

“Cyno, no—!”

“We aren’t continuing, you’re hurt. You can have someone else finish the patrol or forget it today. But I’m taking you home.”

“But…” Cyno hummed. “You’re hurt, too.”

After adjusting Tighnari on his back again, Cyno shrugged it off like it was nothing. “I’ll live.”

“So will I.”

“That isn’t the problem here.” Tighnari went quiet, knowing Cyno wouldn’t let him drop it. And with a hurt leg, he knew there was no way of running from the conversation he was bound to be forced in by Cyno. Because he hesitated, and suddenly Cyno knew everything.

●●●

“Master Tighnari, I’ll make sure the rest of the patrol is taken care of, so don’t you worry! You just stay here and rest, okay?” Collei stood by Tighnari’s bed, trying to provide a reassuring smile while simultaneously masking her own worry. Her gaze occasionally flickered to his leg, laid on the bed wrapped in a bandage. Leaning against the wall by the door stood Cyno with a similar bandage on his shoulder which he paid no mind to, thoughts clearly elsewhere.

From the dark and focused expression he wore, Tighnari didn’t need to think to figure it out. He desperately wished Collei would just stay so he could evade the questions itching in Cyno’s head, but if he asked her to do that, it’d make her suspicious and only delay the inevitable.

Cyno was avoiding eye contact, which only made Tighnari that much more dreadful for what awaited him. He was clearly pissed. Tighnari could practically feel the fury emitting from here.

The same tense air he had to endure the whole walk back, the other’s watchful gaze this time not missing the covered mirrors when they arrived back at his home.

Collei wasn’t immune to this either, but she was wisely choosing to ignore it. “I promise it’ll be okay, Master Tighnari! Just leave it to me.” With that, she offered one last wave and left the two of them to sort out the tension.

For a long while, they didn’t. They sat silently, wondering when the General would choose to say something since it was obvious Tighnari wouldn’t be. “Why did you hesitate?” Cyno finally asked.

Tighnari shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to reply with. “I was caught off guard.”

“You don’t get caught off guard. Not like that.”

He bit his lip in frustration. “I was distracted.”

“By what?”

“You were injured because of me, why wouldn’t I be? Of course I was gonna worry about it…” Shitty excuse, he knows, but not a lie.

Cyno scoffed in doubt. “So you felt guilty.” Sensing it was too late to change his story, Tighnari nodded in confirmation. “Is that why you let yourself get hit?”

“I didn’t let myself get hit.” He quickly rushed to refute, knowing well Cyno was right.

“But you did. You saw that fungi’s attack coming and you did nothing to dodge or block it. According to you, that lack of action stems from your guilt of my own minor injury. Do you even realize the implications of that?”

Tighnari crossed his arms, refusing to show any more reluctance in his responses. “You’re making a bigger deal out of this than it really is.”

“Am I though?” Cyno cut him off immediately. “Because it seemed to me like you had no issue with letting yourself possibly get hurt or worse. It’s like you held no value over your own life.”

“You’re overthinking.” Just drop the topic, please, just drop it.

“Enough of the excuses, Tighnari! Were you trying to get yourself killed?! Give me a straight answer!”

“NO, CYNO! I WASN’T!” Tighnari shouted louder and with more intensity than the other had ever heard before. It was so unexpected that Cyno’s anger instantly dissipated, replaced by surprise and an overwhelming urge to shrink back. “Fine! Maybe I thought about it! For a tiny, insignificant second, I thought that it would’ve been better if I were dead! That if I died, no one else had to force themselves to interact with me anymore! That the world would be better off and that you’d be—“ his words stumbled into incoherent ramblings, he was so worked up that he hadn’t realized Cyno had come closer until his hands were taken into Cyno’s own and the tears streaming down his own cheeks registered.

“Stop, Nari…” He whispered, and that was it. Tighnari broke down into tears and ugly sobs, shamefully hiding his face in Cyno’s neck. “You know none of that is true. If anything were to ever happen to you… I’d never forgive myself. I’m not sure how I would go on.”

“Don’t say that… you’d get over me.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” Cyno asserted more firmly this time. “And I wouldn’t lie about something like this. Believe me, Tighnari, you’re one of the most extraordinary, intelligent, kindest people I know. So many people would be sad if something happened to you, including me. More than you would know. These thoughts of yours… they’re just thoughts. Terrible, awful thoughts that aren’t true.”

“But it isn’t… I’ve heard people talking about me,” he muttered through snuffles. “So many things are wrong with me, I don’t know how you and everyone put up with it.”

Cyno’s chest reverberated against him in slight irritation at the knowledge that someone was speaking ill of him. “They’re either blind or jealous then.”

“Cyno…”

“I’m not lying, Tighnari. Everyone has plenty of flaws, you’re not a bad person for being human.”

When did Tighnari fall so far that he’s not even bothering to fight anymore? The second Cyno starts prodding, he dumped everything onto him like a desperate puppy in need of attention. This is why. This is why he should’ve stayed away. He’s too tired to suppress the part of himself he wants no one else to see.

Cyno took a deep breath, the shakiness of it hard to make out through Tighnari’s own cries. An exhale, the General, on the verge, did not cry. His eyes became glossy, his breath stuttered, but he refused to relent.

Tighnari didn’t need that right now. “Why?” He cringed at the way his voice cracked. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were… That you had these thoughts?”

Truth be told, Cyno couldn’t help but feel slightly betrayed that Tighnari kept it to himself. They were friends, and they were supposed to be open to one another. He doesn’t like the idea that while he was none the wiser, Tighnari was fighting tooth and nail just to get through each day—at the same time bottling it all up to seem okay. Whether it was to not appear weak or to not cause worry, Cyno didn’t care. As long as he can stop it from happening again. Because this feeling—this feeling that he didn’t truly know Tighnari and never had—was something he never wanted to experience again.

He should’ve seen the signs. Already he had been pondering Tighnari’s well being as of late. With him starting to withdraw into himself and create a distance between them, he knew something was wrong. Yet only now did he ever do anything about it.

What an awful friend he was. How could he possibly bring himself to face the person he loves after being completely oblivious to their pain for who knows how long?

Even now, he’s still struggling to process it. What he suspected couldn’t have possibly come near the true extent to how far it went.

Of the most important person in his life.

Tighnari, who nearly got himself killed because he genuinely thought he deserved it. For something that wasn’t even his fault. For being himself. For existing. Being the person Cyno fell in love with.

Someone so amazing didn’t deserve that swarm of self-hatred constantly drilling around in their head.

“Because…” Tighnari finally spoke up. “You, and everyone, you guys have so many more important things to deal with.” Cyno instinctively clenched his jaw tight. “You’re the General Mahamatra. You’re amazing. You’re strong and you fight for what you believe in every day, and… I’m not the kindest person. Even what I do in the forest hardly does much good for anyone. No matter what I tell people, they never listen anyway… nothing I do has any value, not compared to you, or Alhaitham, or Kaveh, or even Collei. She’s more charismatic than me when it comes to convincing tourists not to do something stupid in the forest.”

“So you think that you’re not important?” Cyno gently dragged his fingertips down Tighnari’s back in a comforting manner. “What else?”

“I’m… I’m a fraud. Really, there’s nothing all that impressive about me… if people just read a few books, they could easily know what I do. I like to pretend that I know things that others don’t, that I don’t care what they think, but… when I hear them talk about me, it hurts, and I feel so stupid. It feels like everyone only pretends to like me because they have to. If I left, no one would be sad.”

“I would be sad.”

The other went quiet for a moment. “I-I know, but…”

“No buts. If you disappeared from my life, I’d change forever until you reappeared. I’d cry. I’d cry every night or just about… You’re the person I think about when I wake up and when I go to sleep. When I’m having a good day or in the middle of battle. The thought of seeing you again always gives me energy and brings me comfort. What you’re doing is extremely important, and no one would’ve made it this far without you. You’ve taken out so many withering zones just on your own, you took care of Collei when I couldn’t, you taught so many people and in turn prevented so many lives from being lost to the wilderness. You’re saying you aren’t impressive because anyone else could learn what you know just by picking up a book? The point is that that’s exactly what you did. Anyone, yet you’re one of the few that actually did it. You dedicated yourself to what you love and learned to understand it completely. That means something. You’re strong too, and your kindness is the most genuine I’ve ever met. Your actions and intentions are proof of that.”

Tighnari had stopped crying by this point, taking in Cyno’s words with reluctant acceptance, replaying certain parts and wondering as to the unsaid implications in what was said. It was hard to believe all those things were true, but he’d rather jump off a cliff than ever doubt Cyno.

If Cyno said it was true, then it must’ve been. But Tighnari still struggled in applying them to himself. From anyone else’s unbiased perspective, do they see him similarly?

And from what Cyno said, or rather didn’t say, it almost sounded like…

“Do you understand, Tighnari?” He sucked in a breath in anticipation, waiting for him to continue. “I love you.”

“Oh…”

“And you’re more than worthy of having everything in the world. If you asked, I’d give it all to you. Just say the word.”

His lips curled up uncontrollably, much to his dismay. He was glad his face was still hidden against Cyno that he couldn’t see the way he flushed. “No, that… isn’t necessary.”

“Then what can I do for you?” Cyno whispered softly.

“Just… stay with me. Be with me, I…”

“I understand.”

No further words were said for several minutes. Cyno held Tighnari close to his chest, counting the seconds of each breath until it returned to its normal rate and relaxed.

“Don’t put yourself in danger like that again, okay?” Cyno was the one who broke the silence. Tighnari nodded against him and hummed. “And if anything like this ever happens again, please come to me, okay? Any time works. You won’t bother me or be a burden to anyone. It’s what I want. What I don’t want is for you to go through this kind of thing alone. Can you promise me that?”

“I will,” Tighnari said, without hesitation this time. “I’ll try my best…” It’s the least he can do. “I promise.”

Cyno seemed satisfied with that response, letting out a content sigh and smiling against Tighnari’s ear. “Thank you for telling me all this.”

Another minute passed. “Cyno.” Cyno reacted minimally to show he was listening. “I love you too.”

A subtle blush crossed the man’s face and for a moment, his heart was doing somersaults. “Good…” Awkward as he was, Tighnari loved him all the same.

And if when Collei would come to check on them in a few hours and they were in the same position, with Tighnari long since fallen asleep while Cyno held him lovingly, she’d make sure to keep it to herself. Nor would she mention seeing anything the next morning if she caught them kissing for the first time.

#Tighnari #Cyno #Genshin Impact #Genshin #Tighnari Genshin #Cyno Genshin #Tighnari x Cyno #Cyno x Tighnari #Cynonari #Cynari #fanfic #fanfiction #hurt/comfort #ao3 #Archive of our own

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