awkward goyl. @mittenkiss - Tumblr Blog

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You will be remembered as a hero. ________

For those wondering about the fox. Grace has a subtle motif with this animal throughout the movie, but especially this shot where they pack this toy fox with his belongings on the Hail Mary. The pose of it looked a little haunting to me, thus prompting this illustration. __________ (Small/large prints are also available on my etsy ❤️)

Break ups hurt.

Even if it was a short lived moment. Grieving the potential and the life you saw with them. The crying, the unrelenting thoughts plague you like a scab where you try hard not to pick at then feeling disappointed in yourself when you've picked at it.

It's not all bad. Some days are lighter and easier. I can go on without crying. To be able to get through each day and not picking that scab but watching it heal.

I don't know what the future holds. There is no crystal ball or psychic that I can ask to determine what happens next. I have to wait like everyone else.

Life just keeps going whether you're 3 hours deep in a Tiktok doom scroll then asking yourself, "how did that happen?" or keeping yourself busy so you feel a bit more productive with your day.

It took friends to help me realize that he was not the end all be all. That he is flawed like everyone else. No longer did I see him on this pedestal. Rather, I saw him for who he was. Flawed. Like me.

I still care. I still love him. I hope to maybe one day be with him. I still ask myself how silly I am for messaging him again asking if he wanted to be friends again, and what that would look like for him when that time comes.

A bit hasty on my part when I should let things be. Not running off the high that, yeah. Maybe I am feeling better about this breakup. That yeah, maybe I am moving along pretty well. That yeah, I had an epiphany that I discovered with the help of my friends. I accept that I may have been foolish. I will deal with the consequences and that, maybe he won't message me. It would be nice to know what being friends would look like in his eyes.

Would that be playing video games? Would it be talking on discord about anything and everything? Would it be from a distance and a text once in a blue moon. Hard to say.

What I do know is next time is next time. Now is now.

Each passing day is a new day.

It's possible, like a fall from grace, feeling like Icarus flying too close to the sun. Melting my wings from how inflated my ego became. To feeling regretful and shame that even messaging him was a good idea and to just letting the breakup run its course the way it should be. To let it be.

Life will play out the way it will play out.

I have BPD. I've had these cyclical patterns that hurt others and myself. I took the risk of loving him with full believe I was okay. I was not.

However I am the type of person who is capable of acknowledging the ugly parts of myself without denial. To a fault even. Understanding that there needs to be some tweaks and adjustments to the way I think and approach things. For that, I am grateful. Not everyone is capable at seeing their flaws to the core.

Maybe love will find our way to each other like it always seemed to. Maybe it was a one shot effort and that was that.

What I do know is I am here now. I have the tools to better myself.

Whatever happens, happens.

And that is okay.

I will be okay.

#hopecore #breakups #personal #life #grief #moving on