Summary: This is the story of you and Dazai Osamu.
Warnings: angst, death, chronical illness, mention of suicide (its Dazai we are talking about)
You had to say, it could’ve been worse...
You just had an Job appointment and well, let’s just say to day hadn’t been your day. The top you were wearing was stained with your breakfast and you missed a step while walking to the top office of the building. With everything happening and the pain on your knees you did stutter a lot. Like a lot. At least the company was nice enough to decline you in a polite way. Simply saying you didn’t fit into the company image. Well, it could’ve been worse.
That was what you were thinking until you saw legs peeking out of the river. You just stared for a moment as the legs got further and further away in funny until you realised the situation. Shit. Someone was drowning and without a second thought you jumped into the river and pulled the person, who was way to heavy, out of the water and tried to catch your breath. After you could breath kinda normal again you checked on the person who was laying lifeless next to you. You shook his shoulders harshly and screamed over an over the words ´sir, wake up!´. Well yeah, that was until he shoot up and his head hit your head and made you fall back. Gosh, did your chin hurt. The person stretched a bit and you couldn’t believe the word that left his mouth next.
„Another failed attempt to leave this cruel world, huh. Anyways I just try again tomorrow with some stones bound around my ankle to keep me down, yes that must work.“
„Wha- You want to try again?!“
The man turned around to face you. You guess you heart skipped two or three beats. He was hot. The way the water dropped from his hair down his sharp jawline made your face heat up like crazy. He stared down at you curiously. The way you still held your bruised chin in an attempt to stop the pain that shoot trough your head and the way you were soaked to the bone.
„Ate you the one who stopped me from the sweet love of death?“
„NO! I’m the one who saved you from drowning but you’re welcome!“
You looked away annoyed that you risked your life to save a psychopath from his date with lady death. You looked back up when you felt your hand was taken away from your chin and started into the mans beautiful eyes which were now way to close.
„Such a beautiful woman like you would be a waste to die alone.“
´What did he just say? Are in danger? Is he dangerous? Didn’t you suffer enough today?
„My beautiful belladonna, would you commit a double suicide with me?“
´huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!´
The way he was staring at you with so much hope made you feel so uncomfortable but you couldn’t say a word from the shook that was still clearly visible in your face. Now that you were thinking about it saying no could lead him to just killing you. So you decided to play along.
„I’m sorry but today won’t be possible since I still have an job appointment in three day’s but should I get declined again I would love to share my last moments with you, sir.“
He looked at you a bit surprised and than broke out into a fit of loud laughter but like the creepy kind of laughter that only people from organisations like the port mafia had. Before he could answer you a book was thrown his way and hit him with so much force in his way that he let go of your hand and fell to the side with a bump.
“DAZAI YOU BANDAGE WASTE OF A MANIAC COME BACK TO THE AGENCY NOW AND FINISH YOU WORK BEFORE I GIVE YOU THE MOST PAINFUL DEATH YOU CAN THINK ABOUT!”
‘Ah,so his name was Dazai. You turned to the side were the yell came from and saw a tall man with classes coming into the direction of you with an angry look on his face.
The man took dazai by the collar and screamed a bit more at him before turning to you and eyeing you up and down.
“This lovely belladonna stoppen my attempt by pulling me out of the river and said she would commit a double suicide if she doesn’t get the job she wants.”
The blond eyed you again and was about to scream at the brown haired again but you interrupted him.
“I’m sorry but who are you two?”
“This waste of bandage next me is-“
“Dazai Osamu, nice to meet you belladonna.”
The way he smiled at you with this beautiful dark brown eyes which seemed to glow a bit red and the way his brown wet looks sticked to his forehead was... gorgeous.
“And who are you, my flower?”
“I’m l/n y/n, nice to meet you too.”
And this is how you met the waste of bandage called Dazai Osamu.
“Osamu if you don’t do get down from my lap I will kick you down!”
“Buuuuuut belladonna I’m so bored and your lap is always so comfortable!”
“DAZAI MOVE YOU BANDAGED ASS AND DO YOUR WORK!”
And with that kunikida yanked him down from your lap and threw him in his office chair. You chuckled at his antics and finished the report from the last case.
It’s been a bit over two years since you met Dazai and started working at the agency with everybody else. Kunikida saw the wound on your chin and took you to Yosano so she could treat the wound. One thing got to another and you got the job at the agency. And you fell in love with your boyfriend Dazai Osamu. You didn’t even know how it happened but it happened. In this two years you learned a lot about the brown haired man.
You guess you fell for him when the both of you had to stay behind at the agency to finish some work. Kunikida forced him to do his work and you just had a few reports to do. He was so whiny and complained the whole time how much he hated paper work. You ignored most of it until he said an important sentence.
“Why do I have to do this dumb paperwork I would more like to drown myself with a lovely lady... huh...”
“Dazai, uhm why Dow you want to die so much?”
This was a risky question and you knew that but you had to ask. Maybe it was pity, maybe it was curiosity or maybe you were just bored like him.
“Why do you wanna know? Do you, do you maybe want to commit a-“
“No I don’t moron, I mean this question seriously!”
He looked you up and down and than deep into your eyes before he turned away from you and mumbled something. This was incredible unusual from him and your worried about him now.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to ask that.”
There was a bit of silence before he spoke up.
“Why do you think living is worth it?”
This questing was unexpected. You started at your hands a bit searching for an answer that would satisfy him. You thought and thought before you realised that you don’t have to satisfy him. That is your answer.
“Well, I guess it could be worse...”
He turned around to look at you and saw your smiling face before you looked down again to type something in your computer.
“This was not why I expected from you... I thought you would say something deep like that you wish to live your dreams or something.”
“I know, but I won’t change my answer. Do what you want with this information.”
“You’re weird you know that, but I like this answer.”
You looked up to him and saw him writing something down on a piece of paper and slowly a small smile came to your face.
You both had this late night talks often since both of you were forced to stay behind to do work. You talked about many things, random and with a deep meaning. But Dazai never gave you much information about himself. You asked him a question and answered you with the same just different. You knew this but you didn’t mind. After some time he took you home after work, saying that he can’t have you die without him. You were often chatting while walking but sometimes there was just a comfortable silence.
You both got in a relationship in a more sad way. It’s been a year since you met dazai to that point and Kunikida forced you to pick him up and drag him to an important meeting. Of course you did as told and were confused when you found him at a cemetery. You walked towards him and looked down at his sitting form. He was leaning against a gravestone and smiled to himself.
“Kunikida told you to take me to the meeting, or? Well, I don’t want to.”
You stared down at him before you walked in front of him.
“Are you visiting a dear friend of yours?”
At this his eyes opened and starred into your light smiling face. He took a moment to think about your words before he spoke.
“Yes. His birthday is today.”
“I see... I’m gonna go now. Make sure to come home safe da-“
You couldn’t finish your sentence because that what was happening next was shocking you to the bone. Dazai hugged you. He hugged you tight. You were laying with your bake on the floor and Dazai on top of you, his face between your shoulder and neck.
“Don’t say anything, please.”
You never heard him say the work please. You careful lifted your arms and stroked trough his brown hair while your other arm carefully stroked his back. You said nothing for a few minutes and just held him.
“Tell me... tell me about him, your friend.”
Dazai flinched a bit at your words but started talking about the man that was his only true friend. You listened closely to what he was saying and felt him relax in your arms. This is the moment the both of you fell in love and you became is safe place. The both of you became a couple after that day.
You learned a lot about him. That he like it to be held, to feel welcome. That he hated spicy food but still ate it whenever you wanted too. That he hated waking up early but did it when you told him that he can cuddle you the whole evening. That he liked the sound of your voice more than the sound of his favourite song. That he would read to you whenever you couldn’t sleep. But most importantly you learned that Dazai Osamu wanted to live. He wanted to live with you. He even stole your life quote. When you were stressed or angry he always told you “it could be worse”.
“Y/N I’m done with my work! Can we go home now? I want to cuddle and we can order some takeout!”
You let out a light chuckle when he brought you away from your thoughts. He was adorable.
“Of course we can, just let finish this and we can go in 5 minutes, okay?”
He nodded and turned back to say something to Atsushi who was absolutely done with Dazai’s antics.
You smiled to yourself before standing up but you were suddenly feeling dizzy and you felt a pain trough your complete body. You must have key out a scream because everybody was with you now. The last thing you remember was Dazai’s worried face and someone screaming your name.
You woke up to a bright white light shining directly in your face. You closed your eyes again and let out a few curses before opening them careful again. You could hear people talking. You tried to look around, gosh your body felt so heavy. You saw a.. a doctor and on the other side Dazai who looked as if someone told him a horror story. Dazai noticed you were awake and hugged you immediately. You careful lifted your arm to stroke his head. You knew it always calmed him down.
“What’s wrong Osamu? Are you okay? You looke pale...”
He just watched you with a worried expression.
“L/N, I’m your doctor. Do you remember anything before you came here?”
“I... I felt dizzy and everything hurt...”
“I have bad news for you l/n. We were doing a few test with you because we thought you have a heart attack but... you have cancer. I’m sorry.”
“Yes. We think you have around 3 to 5 months. A chemotherapy won’t do anything anymore. We don’t know how no doctor found out earlier. We’re so sorry.”
You were quit for a moment. You were shocked that the doctors didn’t found out earlier but that can’t be changed anymore. You focused back on Dazai who wasn’t letting you go.
“I see.. could you please leave us alone for a bit?”
And with that the doctor left you and Dazai alone. You wanted to speak but he started first.
“I already talked wit Yosano, she can’t help you. The doctor told me a few hours ago... I couldn’t believe then at first I-I don’t know what todo! You can’t leave me, please don’t leave me please-“
He was shout up with a kiss. You wiped a way the tears that escaped his eyes. You never saw him crying. You gave him that beautiful smile again he fell in love with.
“You know... it could be worse”
“What!? How could this be worse you are going to-“
“Im still here, aren’t I? I’m glad that I can see you again and spend my time useful with you. You the person who means everything to me.”
He looked at you and you felt the first tears hitting your face again. This was the first time you say him crying.
The two of you did a lot. Dazai and you visited Oda. Dazai never said it out loud but you knew that your grave will be next to Oda’s. You both went with the agency to your favourite convert. You took many pictures. Dazai took one with you everyday and even when you said no because you looked horrible he just kissed you and said you were the most beautiful belladonna of the world. You went with him to your favourite restaurant were he had to eat spicy food and he did it with a smile. You held him every night and told him how much you love him and he did the same to you. But the most important thing his, that you both married. It was a month after the diagnoses that the both of you married. It was just a tiny celebration with the agency and a special seat for Oda.
“I’m so happy that the ring still fits.”
“Yes, you look amazing my belladonna. I love you”
You were skinnier than before but the ring was still fitting. You guess that one time were you put it off that Dazai got to a jeweller and made him smaller.
“Isn’t it uncomfortable in your seat? The hospital seats are not the most comfortable my love?”
“It’s okay, you are here.”
It would be an wonder if you would survive the night. You’ve gotten so fragile and sick. Both you and Dazai were aware of that. He was with you the moment you got back in the hospital. He never left your side.
“I can spend my last movements with you. I don’t want to leave you.. I don’t want to leave you Osamu, I-“
“It’s okay. We are going to meet again. We will fall in love again, we will marry again. We will have a family and we will be together.”
You were crying, you didn’t wanted to spend your last moments crying. You want to be smilingly for him. You were always smiling for him.
“Y/N... I will live for you.”
You were taken back by his words. You just looked at him with tears falling from your eyes.
“I will protect our friends and you will take care of Oda for me until we met again.”
And then he saw it. Your beautiful smile came back. You were still crying but smiling.
“Okay, I’m going to wait for you with Oda but don’t join us to early!”
“Okay my belladonna. That’s a deal.”
He came laying next to you and for a moment everything was quit. He was listening to your heart beat and you stroke his hair.
Your hand stopped stroking his head and your eyes closed but you were still smiling at him.
With that he heard your heart beating for the last time. He pulled your body tight against his own before he started crying. He was only crying for you.
“You lied... it couldn’t be worse.”
