Chapter 11-Whips and Furs
My mind raced as I walked down Main Street. It was imperative for me and my sanity to leave the house while my mothers support group met to discuss every sad and depressing thing that occurred in their lifetime. It was great that she was finally getting the help she needed and taking therapy seriously, but did everyone in attendance have to laugh and cry hysterically?
Three days had passed since I went sailing with Leo and I, for the life of me, could not get that day out of my head. It was exciting and different and even fun, but after we docked, I immediately hopped off Freedom and we awkwardly parted ways.
Everything between us felt different out on the water. Our guards were down, which meant we expressed our emotions and truths that we would never do under normal circumstances and I realized after I left, that Leo and I were similar in many more ways than I had thought. Not only did we lose our fathers, we both hid any real feelings from the world, albeit in different ways. I dealt with death by retreating in to myself, shutting down and keeping quiet, while he lived life moment to moment without thinking of any of the consequences. Was there a wrong or right way to deal with tragedy? Who knew? The only thing I knew was the lack of sleep I got the last three days from contemplating this question night after night was taking it’s toll.
I stopped mid step at the familiar nickname. When I looked up from the ground, I was only inches away from the scowling, yet still handsome, face of Jesse Hayden. “Try looking forward when you walk. You almost ran me over.”
“I’m sorry. I’m a bit distracted.” I side stepped to my right to give him room to pass by but he stepped right along with me.
“Not a problem. I was actually looking for you.”
“You were?” I raised my eyebrow skeptically.
He nodded. “Are you busy?”
“Not really. I needed to get out of the house so I went for a quick walk.”
“I see, how about a quick ride instead?”
“Our bet. I seem to remember a certain someone, namely me, kicking your ass at pool… Or did you forget?”
“Oh right. That.” I blushed at my embarrassment for thinking a “ride” meant something a little less innocent. I prayed that he didn’t catch it. “You want to collect now?
“I don't have anything better to do. Max is working, Leo is surfing, and Danny is probably shooting up in some alley or something.”
I hoped he was kidding about that last part but his face gave nothing away. “So what you're saying is that I'm you're last resort. How thoughtful.”
“Don’t act like you’re offended. You are just as bored as I am. So, are you in or out?”
“That’s the spirit. Follow me, “The Magnet” is across the street.”
I followed Jesse across the way to a nearby parking meter where the beautiful Cadillac was parked. It was as gorgeous as I remembered with the shiny black paint and leather interior.
“You named the car “The Magnet?” I couldn’t quite figure out why he thought that name would fit such a beautiful vehicle.
“It’s actually short for something else… But I’ll spare your innocent ears.”
Jesses opened the passenger side door for me as I tried to piece together his last statement. When it finally dawned on me, I smacked him on the arm.
“That was for women everywhere. The… Magnet?”
Jesse laughed which was music to my ears. I knew from meeting him that not much made him smile, let alone laugh. It made me feel slightly smug.
“I was wondering how long it would take you to get it.”
Jesse checked his mirrors and then pulled out of the parking lot slowly. Very slowly.
“I think a snail just passed us.”
“It’s called ‘cruising’ princess. We’re supposed to go slow.” He placed his sunglasses over his eyes and leaned back in to his seat. He was the picture of relaxation, but I was getting antsy.
“You have a classic American made muscle car and you’re wasting it by going 5 miles per hour.”
“Relax, you'll get your ride,” my mind went immediately to the gutter again. “but in the mean time, why don't you sit back and enjoy the view.” I couldn’t help but feel like he was referring to himself.
Without commenting further, I took his advice and leaned back to make myself more comfortable. I took a cue from him and fished out my sunglasses to block the sun from my eyes. There wasn't much to look at, I’d been up and down this street my whole life, but the sun was shining and the breeze from the open windows blew lightly through my hair, giving downtown a whole new look. The few people on the streets stared at us as we drove by. I felt cool. I felt confident. The warmth of summer made my bare thighs stick to the seat, but I didn't care. The smell of the leather and seeing the sights brought about a flood of memories of my dad driving me to get ice cream in his Cadillac. I ran my fingers along the coated wood-grain dashboard and then rolled the manual windows up and down. They definitely didn't make cars like this anymore. I felt Jesse’s eyes on me, then mine on him, and for a brief second I was certain that we completely understood each other.
I had to turn away before Jesse could see the tears forming in my eyes and after wiping them away, I brought up the first thing to come to mind.
“You have fuzzy dice on the rear view mirror. How cliche.”
“If you like that, you should see all of the kinky stuff Danny keeps in the back. Whips, furs—“
“Ok! You can stop there. I get it.”
“I’m just messing with you. You’re kinda cute when you blush.”
I turned away, angry at his admission. I was tired of these boys messing with me. I lifted my shoulders confidently, “I’m not as innocent as you think I am.”
“I guess you will just have to prove that to me.”
We approached the end of Main Street, and with that, the edge of Downtown. I was ready to say my goodbyes and to to let myself out when Jesse dropped the hood.
“Buckle up princess. Time to show you what she can do.”
Jesse revved up the engine and peeled out of the street and on to the highway, leaving a trail of smoke behind us.
After twenty minutes of what can only be described as reckless driving, Jesse pulled the car over as we approached our apparent destination.
My breathing was rapid and short and I fought as I tried desperately to catch it. My knuckles were ghost white and my fingers ached from clinging on to the safety handles. I feared for our lives at every bend and turn. I know I wanted to be shown what the Cadillac could do, but this was crossing the line. I looked over at Jesse whose face gave no evidence of fear and I suddenly lost my temper. I smacked his arm but when he didn't flinch I hit him again.
“What the hell is wrong with you? We could have died!”
“I thought thats what you wanted?”
“I wanted to go faster than two miles per hour not 100 on the side of a winding cliffside!”
I got out of the car and stomped to the cliffs edge, not even bothering to close the door. I watched the rough waters slam against the jagged rocks and almost lost my lunch just thinking of what could have happened if Jesse lost control of the vehicle. I heard the car doors close and turned to see Jesse walking towards me.
“I had a handle on it” he said when he reached my side. “I would never put you in real danger.” I ignored his words and lifted my chin in defiance. He sighed in defeat and lit up a cigarette. “I’m sorry Layla.” His voice was sad and filled with remorse. It reminded me of Drew whenever he was genuinely sorry about something he did and it melted my resolve. I could never stay mad for too long when I heard that tone of voice.
“Fine. I accept your apology but please, don't ever drive like that again.” He gave a slight nod and I knew the subject was dropped. “What is this place?”
“You’ve never been here before? I discovered it one one of my late night drives. Do you like it?”
“It’s gorgeous up here.” I answered honestly when I got a real chance to soak in my surroundings. We were at what seemed to be the highest point of Warren, which not only looked over the ocean, but also the entire tiny town. I could literally see for miles.
Jesse threw his cigarette over the edge and walked over to “The Magnet” I followed behind and copied him when he hopped to sit on the trunk of the car. The car dipped with the weight of our bodies, and Jesse took out another cigarette, rolling it absentmindedly in his hands for a minute before sticking it behind his ear. I watched as my feet dangled off the ground, unsure of what to say next. Jesse wasn’t the easiest person to talk too what with his intensity and all. Not to mention I wasn't the most chatty of people to begin with either. We were quite the unusual duo.
My eyes caught site of a bumper sticker with the logo of one of my favorite bands and it occurred to me that we might have a few things in common.
“I like the bumper sticker. Black Flag is one of my favorite bands.” When Jesse just stared at me, I realized that the car wasn't his and the sticker probably wasn't his either. “I guess Danny likes them too.”
He rolled his eyes. “That sticker is all me. He may sing in a band but the guy has terrible taste in music.” I smirked a little. It made total sense that he liked the same music as I did.
“So, how do you know so much about classic cars and hardcore punk?” Jesse asked me with intrigue.
“My dad had a car just like this sitting in the garage and he would always come out and work on it, eventually teaching me about it but my mom had to sell it for…” I searched for the right words, “financial reasons. And I know about Black flag because, unlike Danny, I have excellent taste in music.
His lips began to move, almost forming a smile. “Can’t argue with that. My ex would hate you.”
His statement threw me off guard. “Why would she hate me?”
“Because you’re everything that she claims to be. She thinks of herself as this badass chick who knows about music and cars and pretends that she doesn’t give a damn about what anyone thinks of her but in reality, she’s an insecure little girl.”
My mouth dropped a little. I was sitting next to someone with relationship baggage worse than mine.
“Plus,” he continued, “you look like that.” He waved his hand over me.
“Don’t worry, it’s a compliment. You’re the badass chick she wished she was wrapped in the prom queen package.”
“She doesn’t seem like a nice person.”
“She was the biggest bitch I’d ever met, but I was completely obsessed with her. I thought I was in love and I kept trying to convince myself that the constant fighting and breaking up was normal. She was in to drugs and cheated on me every chance she had. We ended things for good before we left Boston, but fuck me for still thinking about her.”
This was the most I had ever heard Jesse speak at one time and he was pouring everything out in one singular moment. It was clear that he was holding all of this in and I was almost flattered that he chose me to talk to.
“Lately though,” his voice slowed down and dropped an octave, “I haven't been thinking about her at all. In fact, today is the first time since arriving in Warren that she came to mind.”
“Why is that?” I asked with my voice lowering as well but my curiosity was at it’s all time highest. He bore in to me with that intense gaze of his daring me to look away. When I didn’t he turned away and muttered something incoherent to himself.
“What about you, princess? Ever been in love?” I noticeably stiffened at the question. “Sorry. Of course you have. Bet you would never hurt him by cheating.”
Jesse was both right and wrong. I was always faithful to Drew, never for a second thought about another guy, but that didn't mean I never caused him pain.
“Cheating isn't the only way to hurt someone. All I ever seem to do is cause pain to the people I love.” I decided to be candid with him. It was the least I could do after he opened up to me. “Yes. Yes I have been love.”
“He was better off without me. If you love them, set them free, right?”
“Wrong.” He answered immediately. “I say, if you love them, never let go. But what the hell do I know?” Jesse took the cigarette he tucked away earlier, lit it up, and took a long drag.
“Does it?” He asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Never heard that one before. Judge all you want but I take advantage every time we dock because Leo has this stupid ban on smoking on the boat. He’s afraid I'm going to set the boat on fire, but how much damage can I do? We’re on water for chrissakes!” He took another puff and exhaled slowly.
I laughed at his outburst. “He actually mentioned that the other day.”
“Did he now?” he raised his eyebrow in suspicion.
“Yeah. Against my better judgement, I went sailing with him.”
Jesse shook his head. “Let me guess, he gave you a tour of the boat, taught you how to sail?”
“I’m going to kick his ass! I cant believe you fell for it, that’s his move to get girls to go out with him!”
“He said he never takes girls out on Freedom.”
“Don't be so naive Layla, that boat is a bigger pussy magnet than ‘The Pussy Magnet’. Have to hand it to him though, the man has game.”
I understood then what Jesse was saying about Leo. Of course the whole thing was planned, I was a fool for thinking he would ever remove his mask.
“So I guess the story about his dad passing away was a line too? A way to get sympathy points?” I couldn’t hide my disappointment.
Jesse who was puffing away, suddenly choked on smoke and started coughing. “He told you about his dad?” he asked as soon as his throat cleared. I nodded. “Wow.” Jesse’s eyes watched me in disbelief which was more unnerving than his signature intense gaze and made me squirm in my seat.
“Stop looking at me like that.”
“You don’t get it Layla, Leo never talks about my uncle. Ever. Not even to me and Max and we were there when it happened.”
“He told me it happened last year.”
He nodded slightly. “Hardest day of his… well, our lives. My uncle Frank raised me when my dad went to prison and my mom, well she didn’t give two shits about me. He took me in permanently and changed my life. He set me straight, taught be how to be a man. He gave me a family and I could never thank him enough for that. After it all went down, Leo grew obsessed with fixing the boat. He stopped eating and sleeping, it almost killed him and I… I went to a dark place. It took Max to stop our destructive behavior. The two of us started helping with the repairs, making sure Leo took care of himself and when it was done, we left, and well, you know the rest.”
Jesse continued his quest to see through me and into my soul, making me defensive.
“I’m just trying to figure you out.”
“Trust me Jesse, theres nothing to figure out.”
Jesse got up from the trunk, stamped out his cigarette and silently moved to the drivers seat. His dismissive behavior was a sign that the talking hour was over and his walls were back up. I solemnly took my seat in the passenger side, gave him one last glance, but he ignored me and turned on the ignition.
He drove much slower this time which eased my tension. Occasionally I would feel his gaze on me but it only lasted for a second. When we reached my house, he sat there silently with the engine still running.
Awkwardly I turned to him “Thank you for today. It was—“ what could I say to describe the last few hours? Enlightening? Confusing? Scary? Sexy? Instead I just settled for “fun”.
I reached for the handle when Jesse grabbed ahold of my arm. “What is it about you that makes us want to open up?” the question sounded more for him than it was for me which was a relief considering I had no answer for him. He came closer to me, his faces only inches from mine. I imagined him kissing me, a thought which made me almost run out of the car, but instead he turned away and stared out in to the distance. I went for the door again and managed to get out but not before I heard him say “… she would definitely hate you.”
izzy806
2087
areudirty
snowghoul
yousharknotpass
gamechangershow