o for a muse of fire

julian // writeblr // shakespeare retellings

[dalniente]

it is honestly amazing how much of writing and editing is just. logistics. like... do i use a name here or a pronoun? if i move this dialogue tag to the middle of this line and break it in half, does the end of the line hit harder that way? what if i move the tag to the front? what if i remove it entirely? ...wait, whose point of view am i in; can i reasonably say this character is appalled, or must i say they look or seem or sound appalled? is this a deliberate action or a step-removed one; is her hand closing on his shoulder, or is she closing her hand on his shoulder? environment environment environment, we need to break all this dialogue up with some narration, the scene is coming untethered. what! are! they doing! with! the rest of their bodies that are not hands! fuck fuck fuck FUCK i forgot we covered this two chapters ago and now i either need to cut this whole chunk or find a reason to reprise the conversation from earlier. name or pronoun? name or pronoun? name or pronoun? move this clause around in this sentence? oh i'll add this phrase-- nope, never mind, past!me added the same phrase two lines down. okay, if i add too much environmental narration it's going to take away from this bit, but not enough and it won't feel grounded. what if i move this to its own line? where the FUCK are their hands?

[angelumcaedis]

couldn’t not preserve this tag @spottedenchants

[quietwingsinthesky]

like the betrayal’s always going to be worse if they cared about you and it didn’t matter. someone discards you because they didn’t give a shit, then you can be angry about that, you can feel vindicated in that, you can get over it. but if they can look you in the eyes and say “I love you. I would make the same choice again.” You will never sleep peacefully again, is all.

[quietwingsinthesky]

“I thought they cared about me, but they were lying this whole time.” <- tired. boring. removes all the nuance of this relationship to make it easier to move on from.

“I thought they cared about me, and I was right, and every minute they were there for me, every time they said they were proud, every laugh we shared leaning against each other bruised and breathless, all of it was real. and they still left me behind. They could put their love aside. I couldn’t.” <- insane. will never leave you alone. reminds you that even the worst people are still people and can still care about even the ones they hurt the most and that undoes neither the harm nor the love.

[mylittleredgirl]

a They Deserve Each Other shipping scale where on one end of the axis you have the “no one else is good enough for them” ships, and on the other end you have the ships that need to be together monogamously forever as a quarantine measure. whatever the fuck is wrong with both of them must be contained for the greater good.

[noknowshame]

resurrected dead wife watching her own montage: wow I looked so hot in that

[mjulianwrites]

also 4 for lexi and 15 for helios

4. Describe three of the most important photographs your OC owns.

oooh i don't have an answer off the top of my head but let me think. lexi photos do become sort of plot relevant because rielle has pics of her getting so gay off that tequila. but lexi also definitely has pics of rielle committing lesbian crimes with her and her fellow weedsmoking girlfriends so there's ammunition on both sides. also honorable mention to the fact that lexi is rielle's go-to camera operator. she's the one filming on her phone when rielle needs video evidence for her schemes.

anyway. to get more specific. 1. i fear there's catholicism afoot. some family photo taken at her confirmation in which lexi is sooooo good catholic girl. ever time she looks at it she feels fine and normal about the reminder that she needs to get her shit together eventually. 2. definitely some photo of her and vivian. perhaps from the trip they took to california that we've concocted in our beautiful minds. not necessarily of them doing anything that scandalous compared to the gay4pay makeouts on main but possibly looking a little in l*ve. in a girl bestie way it's fiiiiiine. 3. there's got to be a shot of rielle and the three gfs. or. there are lots of those but i feel like at least one should go in the category of most important. maybe this one *is* scandalous. lexi in full rielle blanchette's girltoy mode. pics to imitate the sun about.

15. What is your OC's fatal flaw?

well my first thought was his willingness to throw his morals out the window when it comes to his dad. and being ride or die for local war criminal probably *is* his worst trait. but upon reflection it's not quite his fatal flaw. his fatal flaw is how sickeningly much he believes in that old man. he's supposed to be the faithless guy in this household but he has so much faith in his dad it makes him look stupid. the selective amorality mostly hurts the people around him but helios' downfall is being a true believer.

[mjulianwrites]

25, 28, and 48 for renan >:)

25. What is your OC's deepest desire? Would they ever ask for this?

the thing that makes me insane about renan is that for almost 50 slutty slutty years his whole life has revolved around his desperate desire for cyrus to love him but at the same time. he's almost lost the ability to want anything. in the early years post cyrus becoming king he held out hope that maybe things between them could go back to how they were before. but by canon era even if cyrus started acting like he did when they were young (which he almost does. in certain ways) i don't think renan would ever be fully able to enjoy it. he's been too scared for too long of getting thrown away because he's not respectable enough. alexa play forever young by alphaville. he could never bring himself to ask for this beyond admitting he wanted it too if cyrus asked for it first. they make me normal!!!!!

28. What does your OC think others are saying about them behind their back? Is any of this true?

renan lives in constant fear of the gay allegations. which definitely aren't imagined but they're also not nearly as prevelant as he's afraid they are. probably a somewhat common rumor that he and king cyrus *had* a gay thing going on when they were teenagers but then cyrus dawnbrung all over everything and they've both been so heterosexual ever since. i don't think many people suspect that the gay thing never stopped. also he does get hit with double agent allegations but that's sort of deliberate on his part for spy reasons. better on several levels if people don't know where his loyalties lie.

48. What would your OC do if they knew that this was their last day alive?

ough i'm not sure. honestly my instinct is he wouldn't tell anyone. he would probably write darcy (his kid) a letter to give them some last advice to prepare them for becoming lord mercurialis and...possibly tell them some emotionally vulnerable things. what things depends a lot on the era but assuming this is pre-coup i don't think he would validate their gender (sad!) but he might tell them that he does sincerely want them to be happy. and/or apologize for not being cut out to be a father. but he would not have that conversation face to face. mercurialis family you give me every disease.

and then i mean. he would want to spend that last day with cyrus. if cyrus brushed him off at first he might be like 30% less of a pushover and risk asking twice. he might fuck that old man but more than anything he'd just want to be around him. awful. except i don't know that he'd want cyrus to see him die so he might leave before it actually Happened. and then get drunk for the first time in almost 50 slutty slutty years because it's so fucking over.

[ruvviks]

OC ASK GAME

Where was your OC born, and where did they grow up?

How does your OC remember their childhood? Is this an accurate reflection of what their childhood was actually like?

If your OC could revisit their childhood, what would they want to change about it, if anything at all?

Describe three of the most important photographs your OC owns.

What is your OC's gender identity and sexual orientation? Is this also what they identify as in canon, or are they not (fully) aware?

How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they like who they are? What would they want to change about themself?

What is your OC's occupation?

What does your OC's family look like?

Describe a mundane day in your OC's life.

Does your OC have any physical scars? What is the story behind them?

What does your OC carry around in their pockets? What about their bag?

What is the worst thing that has happened to your OC? How has it affected their behavior, their health, and their life in general?

What is something your OC does (to others) that they would not like if others did to them? Are they aware that they do this?

Does your OC hold grudges? How good are they at letting things go? Do they believe in second chances?

What is your OC's fatal flaw?

Is there anyone your OC has lost contact with? What happened?

What are some of your OC's coping mechanisms during stressful or overwhelming periods in their life?

What are your OC's bad habits?

How does your OC handle preparing for and initiating a difficult conversation? How does the conversation itself go?

How quick is your OC to shift blame? Do they own up to their mistakes, or are they prone to start pointing fingers at others?

How does your OC handle criticism?

How good is your OC at apologizing, if they do this at all?

What is your OC like when they're angry?

What is your OC like when they're upset?

What is your OC's deepest desire? Would they ever ask for this?

How quickly does your OC reach their breaking point? What are they like when this point has been reached?

What are some assumptions others make about your OC? Are any of them true?

What does your OC think others are saying about them behind their back? Is any of this true?

What are three traits your OC has that can both have positive as well as negative qualities?

How paranoid is your OC? How does this affect their daily life?

Are there any places or people your OC is avoiding?

How does your OC handle rejection?

How does your OC handle jealousy?

What would be some of the signs your OC is starting to push people away?

If your OC had to kill someone, how would they do it? If killing is a near-daily occurrence to them, what is their preferred method?

Does your OC believe they deserve it when bad things happen to them?

What is the most common feeling or emotion in your OC's life?

What is the most recurring theme in your OC's nightmares?

What is your OC's pain tolerance like? What is the worst pain they have ever felt?

What is your OC afraid of?

Has your OC ever hurt someone, either physically or verbally?

How easily influenced by others is your OC?

What are common things your OC worries about?

Do others consider your OC to be scary or intimidating?

Does your OC keep their promises? Have they ever broken one before?

Does your OC carry any guilt with them?

If your OC had to pick a new identity and skip town, what would they come up with? Where would they go?

What would your OC do if they knew that this was their last day alive?

Does your OC fear death?

How does your OC die, eventually?

[auspex]

where would we be without friend OCs... nowhere good!

[nocturnaltigerrevelation]

>have problem

>recognize it as part of my divine punishment

>no problem

[helsinore]

IN WHICH LESBIANISM IRRADIATES ME SO HARD MY MOLECULES ARE WOBBLED INTO A HIGHER STATE OF EXISTENCE

OR: ESTRO JUNKIES - A SPOILER-LESS (ISH) REVIEW

*taking the fattest fuckin’ whiff of my bubblegum cigar* bet you didn’t see that one coming, did you tunglr? Heh heh…well let’s just say…holy shit this book,

(YOU CAN PRE-ORDER ESTRO JUNKIES HERE. IT COMES OUT MAY 24TH!!!) 

I think if I had to pick one way to describe this book, it would be this: There’s a lot of love in Estro Junkies. It’s not the type of love that unconditionally puts up with your bullshit, nor is it the type of love that will therapy-speak you; it’s the kind of love that bonks you over the head with a paper towel tube and goes, “hey, get your shit together.” But it’s sincere; it’s the kind of love that sincerely, truly cares about you, about the characters, about the story being told and the very real issues being talked about in the story. It’s a love that actually shines a light on the vibrancy of the human experience, on the complexity of it, without flinching. 

This is not just a compilation of the serial it’s inspired by (Ranked Competitive Breast Growth); it’s, dare I say, genuinely a lot better than the serial. The humor is still there, but in a far more mature way. The arcs are different in ways that help make the story more cohesive, the major plot beats that are preserved from the serial have been integrated into the story in ways to make them hit infinitely harder, this book is serious. It’s taken what I enjoyed most about RCBG, and grounded it, refined it, and made it into something I can picture on a shelf in a bookstore. 

Like, one thing that’s always hit me about representation is that after a while, you want to see trans and queer characters who are genuinely crashing the fuck out. You start craving the ugly, the messy, the evil; it’s just a really hard thing for most writers to pull off. This book pulls it off. I loved this version of these characters so much. I could feel their pain, their motivations for why they act the way they do, but the book pulled absolutely no punches. These girls are toxic. Chernobyl nuclear reactor level toxic. And it’s treated in a way where I still feel that they’re human. The text doesn’t treat them like caricatures or stereotypes, nor does it sanitize their behavior. This isn’t a book about making fun of cringe, or stoking up flames; this is a book about actual, genuine, feeling. Also the messiest lesbian drama you’ve ever seen in your fucking life, which is totally awesome. 

One thing I always talk about when I’m reading RCBG is its depiction of race, so I’d like to dip into that for a moment with Estro Junkies. I’m not sure how much the average white reader will get on first read, but this book has a lot to say about racial dynamics, especially in queer spaces (especially in trans woman majority spaces!). This book really understands the subtle ways in which racism seeps through into all spaces, the subtle ways in which the centering of whiteness can impact day-to-day interactions that go completely ignored, the way racism impacts the very perception that the white characters have of the characters of colour. This is not a cartoonish depiction of racism; there is the more overt depiction, of course (much more fine tuned in my opinion, to keep it grounded), but also the more covert aspects; the expectations placed upon someone when you’re stuck in a white majority space, the subtle dehumanization, the entitlement to your body. I can’t get into details or else I’ll be getting into spoiler territory but this is not just “one racist white girl who acts like a cartoon.” This is, indeed, the Deep Lore. 

I really love Rashmi. I really love that she’s got such a heart to her that shines through this book. I don’t know if I could’ve trusted anyone else to write her the way she’s written in Estro Junkies, because she means the world to me here. I really love Rupali here too; I really love her part in this story, and I love the way her personality shines through. I love Tahani, and I hope we see more of her in the next book (if there’s not more Rashmi and Ru in the next book, we, of course, riot). I’m really happy that there’s a book out here with south asian queer characters, specifically south asian lesbians, and south asian lesbian trans women, and that they’re treated like human beings – not just that, but human beings who have grounded struggles, who are complex, who aren’t perfect moral paragons but also aren’t the villains of this story. Who have actual, honest-to-God personalities, who don’t spend every single second on page explaining to you shit that you should be looking up on Wikipedia, and who instead delve right into the heart of who they are and what they’re going through; the book doesn’t flinch at depicting what their lives are like. It’s like…I don’t know about you but I feel like it’s really hard these days to find something that isn’t “Everything Is Fine :)” or “Whiteness = Freedom,” if you know what I mean. Rashmi, Rupali, and Tahani aren’t “liberated” by the white queers, nor do these characters serve the function of teaching the white people in this book any magical life lessons. They’re people. They’re real people. They have their own arcs, their own complex motivations, they don’t exist to be ultra traumatized or Unproblematically Good And Wholesome or inspirations or whatever. This book actually sees them as worthy characters. That’s….it’s just really nice to see. It’s just really, really nice. 

But yeah, this book fucked hard and nasty (figuratively) (I won’t spoil about whether or not I mean that literally…hehe). This book is genuinely fucking funny, not in a “haha just a shitpost” way, but in a way where it’s written to actually be funny. This book is not afraid to put the real issues on page, nor is it afraid of its own emotions, nor is it afraid of its characters being flawed. The plot is different from RCBG and better off for it; the character arcs are more cohesive and better planned; this is an actual, genuine, honest to god book, and will rock your shit whether you’ve read the serial or not. Like, I actually genuinely think everyone should read Estro Junkies. It uses the medium of fiction to depict serious topics in a much more easily digestible and visceral way, I think, than an essay might be able to. It’s critical, but not cynical. It’s satirical, but full of heart. It’s got an absurd premise that it makes use of in a very strong way, it’s grounded. It’s got representation that we need in the big 2026. If you really do want to read stories about women who are allowed to just be people – read Estro Junkies. If you really do care about queer stories, about lesbian stories, stories about trans women, stories about what it means to be south asian in these spaces and navigate that on top of lesbophobia/transmisogyny – read Estro Junkies. Read this book. The ending genuinely made me tear up. 

With all my heart: Thank you for letting me read this early, and thank you for creating something so wonderful, something that I can share with my friends who have been craving books like this, something that I hope takes the wider reader-y audience by storm. It’s better than cherry vape.

AKA: PREORDER ESTRO JUNKIES! OR ORDER IT IF YOU’RE SEEING THIS WHEN IT’S ALREADY DROPPED (MAY 24TH) GO GO GO!!!

XOXO Okay now for the funnie bit, here are some actual (completely contextless) spoilers below the cut:

[awesomebutunpractical]

"He wouldn't say that" has a beautiful cousin, and her name is "That's Not What This Story is About".

[tragbarerpanzrabwehrkomplexfagot]

[freenarnian]

You've heard of the man, the myth, the legend. Now get ready for the woman, the omen, the portent.

[soldier-of-death]

im only attracted to worthy opponents

[kosmogrl]

[polarity-disturbed]

big fan of when a character metaphorically sweeps something under the rug, but you can feel them flinch every time they walk over it and feel the crumbs beneath their feet

[dahppled]

the special effects murder victim makeup stays on during sex