mllelariz | cossette

but you can call me coffee

[homedesigning]

Ex Machina House

[mllelariz]

I threw out some flowers today, among heaps of other useless sentiments. They were fake flowers, some from my dining room table and a bouquet that littered my bathroom. A casualty of the moving process.

I had to buy some groceries a few minutes afterward so I headed towards the market behind my apartment. I walked to the dumpster to dispose of more rubbish on my way to the market when I spotted a man. He donned a winter beanie, navy blue sweatpants with one leg pulled upward, and a black sweatshirt. He had a shopping cart filled with personal belongings and two trash bags, one of which was the recycling bag filled with empty bottles of various CRVs that I had intentionally left out for someone to cash in on. This is not what drew my attention to him though. None of this. What caught my eye was that he was holding the flowers - the lot of them. He had them gripped tightly in his left hand with his head tilting back and forth as his right hand fluffed and arranged the newfound treasure in his hand.

Something about this scene struck a harmonic set of visceral chords within. Sure, he grabbed the bag of empty beer and wine bottles that he would later cash in on, to use the money on god-knows-what kind of human necessities. But he did not stop there. No. He grabbed those flowers, of all things! Those flowers to fulfill another peculiar human necessity? An appreciation of beauty? It makes me wonder, still, why humans find art and beauty so pleasing to the soul.

[homedesigning]

(via Apartment Designs For A Small Family, Young Couple And A Bachelor)

[homedesigning]

[topshotpicks]

[charmory]

this is the most romantic thing i’ve seen all day

[djinn-et-juice]

And I can’t even get a text back.

[shelbywulf-deactivated20170118]

gesteinigterspeck

[mllelariz]

For this, I will buy a pint of ice cream and binge watch Mad Men instead of packing.

[mllelariz]

I am really getting tired of being scared to come home.

I woke up today with a text message from a volatile ex who has been harassing me with unwelcome attempts to win me back and suicide notes leaving his life in my hands for the past few months. 

Every single time this happens, I hit an all time low and I find myself shutting away from the world. I call friends but feel that I can really actually rely on no one. My hope in anything positive quickly fades and I often lay there, feeling numb and lifeless.

Today for once, he decided to give me some warning (a whopping hour) that he was going to be at my apartment and demanded various meaningless items such as a lunch bag or poster, even items I am pretty sure he took with him and misplaced on his own and now is holding against me. 

I decided to just comply with his illogical threat to call the police on me in hopes that giving him what he asked for would finally get him out of my life for good. This time, I had a friend come over because the last time we tried this, he was inside my apartment with just me, took my phone so that I could not call for help, and proceeded to verbally and physically attack me. He never actually punched me, he just pushed and shoved and threw me around, and at one point was sitting on me until I cried and told him that I loved him so that he would stop. I am so grateful my friend was here this time around. I am certain that if he wasn't, then my ex would have attempted the same disgusting tactic. 

Of course, illogical people tend to remain illogical. My friend waited until he left before he himself took off, but naturally my ex returned. I heard him attempting to open my door and I just sat in my room and cried until he left.

Alas. I sit here now, counting down the days until I can find a new place to live. I have been through way worse than this and I am not going to let him tear me to pieces like the first time around.

TL;DR I am simply exasperated. 

[justthedesign]

Blanket Coat Outfit and Ideas: Lucy Williams is wearing a Maje black poncho

[vivebonito1]

[devengreen]

Proving that the GOP truly is the party of the Lord, its healthcare policies are about to send more people to meet Jesus than murderers with guns! Glory!

- Courtesy of youtube.com/MrsBettyBowers

[mllelariz]

oh.my.god.

[9secretsigns]

Here are white men poised to run big marijuana businesses, dreaming of cashing in big—big money, big businesses selling weed—after 40 years of impoverished black kids getting prison time for selling weed, and their families and futures destroyed. Now, white men are planning to get rich doing precisely the same thing? … After waging a brutal war on poor communities of color, a drug war that has decimated families, spread despair and hopelessness through entire communities, and a war that has fanned the flames of the very violence it was supposedly intended to address and control; after pouring billions of dollars into prisons and allowing schools to fail; we’re gonna simply say, we’re done now? I think we have to be willing, as we’re talking about legalization, to also start talking about reparations for the war on drugs, how to repair the harm caused. … At the end of apartheid in South Africa there was an understanding that there could be no healing, no progress, no reconciliation without truth. You can’t just destroy a people and then say ‘It’s over, we’re stopping now.’ You have to be willing to deal with the truth, deal with the history openly and honestly.

Michelle Alexander, associate professor of law at Ohio State University and author of The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness quoted from White Men Get Rich from Legal Pot, Black Men Stay in Prison. Alexander’s thesis is that the USA is addicted to caste systems, regardless of what is deemed legal or illegal. (via crutie)

[mllelariz]

Hospital selfie! Wearing a mask cause my nose randomly started running and I'm not trying to get my kiddos sick. If only I could go home early ;(

[song-and-dance-man]

Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash, 1969

[justthedesign]

Blair Eadie From Atlantic Pacific Street Style

[mllelariz]

ONZE.

Something good: It's my weekend off! And today was a good freaking day. Went to a Muscular Dystrophy walk in Irvine to support the man's aunt, had lunch with his fam at Applebee's, went to Barnes & Nobles for Starbucks and ended up buying some CD's for cheap, went to the mall for pants because it was getting chilly and we wouldn't be heading home any time soon, saw a friend's art at a gallery in LA, and had a few beers for his cousin's birthday. 

Something bad: ...nothing.

Lesson learned: Life. It's great sometimes.

[mllelariz]

DIX. Something good: Finally watched that movie with the main. Something bad: The night's almost over. Lesson learned: Nights in are just as good.

[mllelariz]

Radio keeps playing Rush.

[specsenvogue]

Fause Haten Fall 2013

[mllelariz]

Eyes as big as diamonds.