Send you a Snap about how they cried and feel silly.
I respond with the natural, do you need me to call you, how can I help response.
They brush me off saying they have to go.
I say that I hope they’ll be okay but low key worry like a mother hen for the duration of the day.
Later, about 10pm they send me a video asking if anyone is awake for chats, they need someone.
I realise this snap has been sent to more than one person.
I see this snap nearly an hour later because I’ve been traveling or not been connected to WiFi for the video to load.
I reply as soon as I watch it, letting them know, Hey! I’m here! What can I do?
I’m okay sorry for bothering you.
I tell them they aren’t doing that and explain why I took a while to reply. I ask again, what’s up?
I’m okay honestly. -They reply.
My first thought is bullshit. So I reply, calling them out on the fact that they were crying in that snap and looked upset.
I understand, sometimes you don’t want to talk about shit, but it isn’t fair to make your friends worry like this.
And the thing is, I know when I see them tomorrow at work/school/college or whatever, they’ll be fine, happy and joking as usual.
But I’ll be sitting there wondering what upset them, and why they won’t talk to me about it.
Friends are there for each other.
They are. It’s the base of friendship.
But don’t play these attention seeking mind games of luring me in with the tears and woe is me business ( because it works every time and I know this).
Because slowly I get tired of that sense of uselessness.
I get fed up of feeling like you don’t trust me.
I get tired of giving you the best advice I can only for you to go do what you do anyway and return for the same advice again.
I get sick of feeling like a bad friend.
Because I love my friends deeply, right to my core and I give them a bit of my heart. I want them to laugh, have fun and succeed in life.
I want to share their good days and bad days with them.
But I don’t want to always feel like I can’t help. I don’t like feeling like you’re just playing attention games with me.
Because I’m just as human and flawed as you are.
And sometimes I feel like saying “No” and being selfish and putting ME first.
And right now as I rant about this on my dash because I know you’re not on Tumblr, I feel guilty, I feel like a bitch.
And I shouldn’t have to feel like that.
So tomorrow I’ll see you and I’ll say good morning. I won’t ask how you are or try to get you to talk to me. If you come to me I’ll lend you my ear.
I won’t tell you that this weekend was really tough, that I had to go to a funeral, that the sad thoughts and self-criticism got too much this weekend and I cried a lot. I won’t tell you that a member of my family belittled me again about my choice of career and I feel shit. I won’t tell you that I binge ate a load of chocolate in a fit of emotional eating and berated myself afterwards because I’m never going to lose weight that way.
Instead I’ll say good morning, I’ll get a cup of tea, I’ll smile and start my week off of fresh and do my best.
And I’ll still be your friend and try to help where I can.
You never know what’s going on with people, so just try to be kind and above all just be honest. Sometimes that’s all people need.
snowghoul
turnnoffyourmind
romaincrisis
