what we almost had starters
edit as you see fit!
it’s not like i never tried to tell you
why did you never say anything?
why did you just let me go?
i used to think that would be us some day, you know
remember when we used to speak of ‘forever’ like it meant something to someone else?
i try so hard not to look back but… every time i see you, it’s like a whiplash straight into a myriad of what if’s
if i had any idea that feelings would resurface this easily, i wouldn’t have shown up
was there ever a time where you thought, you know, maybe there is a chance after all?
did we ever figure out why it didn’t work
this is the part where i say ‘i wanted us to last’ but without any ‘us’ to begin with, what should i say?
how do you speak to someone who doesn’t know just how long you’ve loved them?
you could have said something, you know, anything would have worked
i would have jumped at any opportunity to actually try
were we just cowards or did we see some danger another version of us ended up suffering through?
okay, but if you’d known, would you have said anything?
i loved you, i really did, i loved you enough to wish i’d never started
new home, new people, new life, i feel out of place by how out of place i feel near you
we were nothing to each other, nothing like that, so why do i feel like an awkward ex?
how do you look into the eyes of someone you’ve ever only confessed in silence to?
or maybe you were just leading me on or maybe i was or maybe it doesn’t matter anymore
people used to ask me all the time if we’d finally taken that step
sometimes it’s just like that, nothing happens and no one knows why
would you have loved me if given the chance?
no, you’re right, i thought i had all the time in the world and made you wait needlessly, endlessly
you could have stayed, you could have sat down, stayed longer, held my hand, instead of running away again and again and again
thinking back on all the glances and the nothings after feels like drifting through underdeveloped memories, where your mind knows what should have been but the image doesn’t intend to lie for its sake
i should have said something, maybe, or maybe i should have said less
would it have worked if we’d wanted it less or did we never want it enough
maybe it didn’t work out because we were placeholders, just set in place to long for fruitlessly to avoid pursuing something real
looking into your eyes and seeing how you’ve moved on, what am i even doing here?
even if i don’t want you know, i still can’t help but want that you’d wanted me back then
is it vile of me? to hope some part of you regrets never having held a part of me?
i did never get to learn how to love you loudly, that sticks around, you know
how many people have you kissed wondering if i might have tasted the same
i’ve never seen someone to substitute you but i’ve never not thought of you as a standard to choose by, either
it would have happened, if your efforts had been in earnest, direct, serious, i would have been yours and yours only
it’s because neither of us ever said anything, we’re barely speaking of it now
should we seriously stop beating around the bush now and address what we can’t change?
maybe we should just let the past be the past and stop wondering about a future together we never had
it feels so final, that’s the worst part, feeling as though i will never be allowed to love you again
even if i’d reached out, even if you’d reached back, would it have been worth it?
the misery of longing for a choice unmade with unknown consequences
for all we know, we could have been that missing puzzle piece for each other
for all we know, never having met in the middle led us to the happiest versions of ourselves
