keanu trash happening here

[officialkendallroy]

not gonna lie kitten, the only thing that's getting daddy through the week right now is canadian state funded ice hockey yaoi

[knightsickness]

there’s absolutely something to be said about ‘booktok’ books being largely wattpad quality written erotica i’m certainly not reading them however having seen a guy on tiktok make a video like ‘all the women in your life are READING PORN’ about a book he picked up and read in his FEMALE FRIEND’S HOUSE in a tone of scandalised horror and disgust i actually don’t think men should be making those criticisms. he said he picked it up expecting a romance and was horrified it was GOONER SHIT he said specifically like ‘who are you getting your pussy wet FOR??’ in a tone of revulsion. idk man im not sure shes the weird one. i kind of wish you were dead

[darlingofdots]

"a lot of books that are successful on booktok are not very good" and "people can read what they want and we need to stop being so fucking weird about women enjoying erotica" are both correct statements

[exaltedrevenge]

[byjove]

I like stories where a normal human child is being raised by a sinister supernatural being who is totally malevolent except when it comes to their kid. Those are so much better than the “kids are scary” changeling type horror movies.

[byjove]

Like a perfectly well-adjusted well-mannered friendly child that is like “This is my dad, Surazal. He comes out of the mirrors in dark rooms. He makes really good blood pudding but he’s bad at playing catch. Most people can’t see his corporal form but I can because he says I have special eyes.”

[byjove]

“Mom says that you can stay over but you have to promise not to leave my room between midnight and 1 am. You can play Mario Cart with me! But you have to knock on every closed door in the house before entering just because dad might be in there and if you look upon his visage without drinking the holy fruit juice, you might go crazy or something. Also dad is really excited I have a new friend and he’s going to to make hardtack and mystery stew for us! You’ll love it!”

[byjove]

In high school the kid gets a friend that is an amateur demonologist who initially befriends them in hopes of exorcizing their house but ends up becoming buddies with Surazal too because they crave parental affection.

[byjove]

Surazal stands at the end of the vast dark hallway and says “You Too Have Special Eyes, Little One. You Can See Me Without Being Taken By The Madness. Within You, I Sense Great Turmoil And Sadness. In My Younger Years, I Would Have Exploited The Sadness As Weakness In Your Very Soul. I Would Have Worn Your Skin Like A Mask And Run Through The Village Streets, Supping Blood From Every Man I Encountered. But Now I Have No Use For Woe. Perhaps You Would Like To Watch Beetlejuice In The Family Room With My Daughter While I Prepare Cupcakes. I Am Sensing You Have A Fondness for Red Velvet.”

[rotationalsymmetry]

Monsterfucking is out. Monsterparenting is in.

[fierceawakening]

Why would you hide this in the tags

[fuckrozanov]

the “i don’t know that side of you at all” line is so underappreciated because it’s really the first time ilya has revealed an insecurity to shane, something so ingrained in him by his father that he wears it like a second skin, and he positions it as a light-hearted joke but shane doesn’t get why he would say that about himself. shane meets him head-on, so earnest and sweet: i don’t know that side of you at all. i only know that you have put in relentless work to hone your craft and dominate your career. i pour everything into this sport and you’re the only one who can keep up—how could you be lazy. i made you pursue me for two years before we had sex and you never stopped. you could have anyone; you put in the work for me. every time we fuck you give and give and give. you’ve learned my body and figured out what i need because i never let myself. i don’t know that side of you at all.

[zipadeea]

i love how nice shane is to everyone else about hockey. Like when he meets Rose Landry, and she's talking about her brothers, she like "oh yeah, one is a free agent in the AHL and the other made it to the Frozen Four at Princeton" and shane is just like wow, amazing, incredible, you must be so proud

And with Shane and Ilya talking about Shane's dad at McGill (iconic) shane gets sooo defensive! he's like you shut up, McGill is a great school and my dad played hockey there and i am so proud

And Ilya's just like--light of my life, my moon and stars, you didn't go to college because you got drafted when you were 18. You are the lebron james of hockey

[illuminetic]

Love that little line in Ep 6 after Ilya says "I know your mom is half Japanese or something, probably where you get your looks," — and then Shane kind of playfully objects and goes "Well, half of them..."

Because Shane really stands up for his Certified Boring New-Yorker reading white-ass dad there and says no no. Don't get it twisted. DILF David Hollander rights. Hot David Hollander rights. And yanno what? I fully believe him. How else do we think this man pulled Yuna?? I just know Ilya is gonna be wandering around the Hollander's cottage one day and he'll catch sight of a photo of Yuna and David during their university days or something (maybe David is in his McGill hockey uniform, fresh off the ice, idk just spit-balling) and Ilya's gonna go oohhhhhh. Okie. Da. I see. I have joined family of hotties. Entire family of stone cold babes. And is including me now. Okie. Yay :)

[themoonandmyman]

I love the idea of Ilya, a city boy down to his bones, having to get accustomed to the various wildlife surrounding the cottage every summer.

He’s just outside, chilling in a hammock and smoking a blunt and hears the most haunting, human-like scream coming from the woodlands to the back of the house.

He jumps out of his skin like a cartoon cat getting electrocuted and runs inside where Shane, ever the long suffering husband, has to explain to him how foxes fuck.

‘You never sound like that, Hollander. Fuck, maybe I am doing it wrong.’

[cuteandtwisted]

There's something about Shane “will you come to my favorite place on Earth with me?” Hollander being ALL IN on Ilya the moment he realizes his own feelings that just...

Shane "all my time is scheduled and I do NOT drink during the season and I will NOT skip training to sit next to some Swedish princess" Hollander. Shane "I had this whole fortress of solitude built for me on this secluded private lake in East Quebec so I can be alone and at peace in my cottage for the 2 weeks I get off per year" Hollander.

Shane who's a creature of habit and who feels the need to CONTROL everything and take on very little risk, now taking on the biggest risk of all by inviting Ilya Rozanov to his FAVORITE PLACE ON EARTH so that they can be "alone, together". Because he's ALL IN. Because he's SO SURE of his thing with Ilya that he's willing to RISK LOSING the very personal Oasis he built for himself. The ONE PLACE where he feels safe and free. And sure, every room and every wall and even the goddamn well and the remote for the blinds might now forever remind him of Ilya. But Shane just can't bring himself to care. Because it's worth the risk. Ilya is worth the risk. This or nothing.

Shane "I do not take on uncalculated risk, but for you I will" Hollander. Shane Hollander. ALL IN.

[wolfbirds-and-smoothies]

Heated Rivalry + Text Posts

[fuckrozanov]

it’s the funniest thing in the world to me watching shane make earnest attempts at bratting and missing every time. my little bratfailure. in the vegas bathroom when he tells ilya to suck his dick with that trembling voice and then he immediately turns away from him and wells up with tears. you tried baby. in the hotel room when he throws his underwear and ilya and then we see his life flash before his eyes. you tried baby! cottage roleplay when he’s trying to be all coy only to have ilya spread him out and make him purr like a kitten in 2 seconds. baby we see you trying. phone sex scene where he’s like nooooo stopppppp ilyaaaaaa and then proceeds to climb on the back of the couch for No Reason in his 2” inseam shorts so his dick is eye level with ilya’s mouth for No Reason At All. it’s okay shane baby you can’t be good at everything.

[hollanovsgingermelt]

they were 1 million percent going at it RAW here . first time too . ilya too lost in the sauce.

[sisituation]

russian petnames for shane

so ilya likes to mess with shane calling him some random russian petnames, right? no one asked but i have opinions and also work to do but unrelated

first, the long game ones:

moya gazonokosilka (lawn mower) - cursed, pretend it never happened. too random, doesn't sound fun or cute in russian, can't imagine russians saying that to their lovers

moy pomidor (tomato) - actually very cute, love it. shane blushes a lot (ilya is not capable of that for geopolitical reasons) so moy pomidor works perfectly. moy pomidorchik (diminutive) would be even cuter

moy lyubimiy (my love) - works good but skip moy, just lyubimiy

now some of my ideas. not suggesting that ilya would call shane that but i would:

shanezhka (spelling?) (diminutive for a шаньга - fluffy sweet cottage cheese bun) - sounds very close to shane's name and also has this tender suffix at the end that is just perfect for russian ears. why it's perfect? because this nezh (неж) thing at the end is the same as in the word tenderness/genleness (нежность), like hello? also shane is a sweet bun, has sweet buns and needs sweet buns (fuck you, microbiotic diet)

gagarochka (diminutive for a loon) - sounds fun and cute in russian

dushnila (stuffy person i guess?) - just a very natural and quite endearing way to call your boring husband when he is schooling you about that damn one (1) cigarette again

also dushnila sounds very close to dusha (soul), and calling your loved ones moya dusha (my soulmate?) is some deep russian shit. i can totally see ilya messing with shane switching between moy dushnila and moya dusha to check how his russian lessons are going, bonjour

ulitka or ulitochka (snail) - just how we call slow people, and shane is famously a very slow skater. also sounds cute and tender in russian

cursed but zhopa, zhopka (ass) - no jokes, very common petname. playful, fun, rolls off the tongue and has that you are an asshole love you so much undertone

that's it for now, might update later

[lavenderprose]

Honestly? Honestly the idea of Ilya Rozanov sitting himself down at twelve years old and saying I have GOT to get out of this country. It killed my mother. It's going to kill me. And then growing up a little bit and realizing some Things about himself and saying I have GOT to get out of this country. I have tried and tried and for some reason people keep Knowing What I Am. Ilya, young bisexual man with an apparently pretty clocky affect to his speaking voice. A strong young man with a natural and lovely flamboyance in him, a sweetness he tries to smother and the ability to play hockey like it was bestowed upon him by GOD. I've GOT to get out of here, he thinks to himself. And then he leaves (but not really) does some more growing up and he falls in love only he can't let himself be in love because the lead weight of this country is still tied to him and he thinks I have GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. Then his father dies and the man he loves says "Come with me" and Ilya says I am NEVER going back!! I will wear my mother's cross and I will think of her every day and she will forgive me for never visiting her grave because her beautiful boy got OUT. I will go to a place where I am loved by a man A MAN who I love more than I ever thought I was allowed. Who holds my face and my hands and my heart. I will find a home for myself in his arms. I will never go fucking back.

[wheretheheckismyjello]

Don't be an idiot! Download and read these Hollanov fics before AO3 goes down tonight or I'll come after you

Hollanov Fics you would read immediately if you trust me and why wouldn't you I have impeccable taste (my favorites in red): Free Rein by Anonymous - FUCKING READ IT JUST DO. This is the best one I have read so far. Mind the tags.

enforcer by moonlitgarden - some lovely prose on racism...uh...I don't really know how else to put that

clear to a hedgehog by magneticwave - knocked me off my feet with the light touch on smut, wonderful world-building in just one chapter

so close by sweetiejelly - You don't need a lot of words. Big brown eyes will do. Short, but devastating.

The Night Shift by thecouchsofa - a story about slowing down, and we're happy to do it with the fine eye for details

green mark by radialarch - the BEST take on the Vegas suite scene I have read

make much of time by leiascully - I like fics that focus on these two in intimate ways like this

Too ripe not to split by Charlotte_Stant - my favorite The Dildo fic

don't leave me high (don't leave me dry) by emonlispenardstreet - The plot-heaviest of all my recs; balanced in every aspect imo.

grindstone kaleidoscope by TheMalapert - the best time loop fic I've read for...really...any fandom

+Hudcon RPF: Carterhaugh, Ontario by Charlotte_Stant - if I wrote Hudcon RPF it would look something like this

[lilycoloredrose]

New game. Six degrees of separation except instead of Kevin Bacon you have to connect them to Keanu Reeves.

Let's start:

Can you connect him to Daniel Radcliffe

Reblog with the connection and another name.

[keanuficfiles]

Fun! 😊 Daniel Radcliffe to Emma Thompson in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Emma Thompson to Keanu Reeves in Much Ado About Nothing.

Ok now… Chris Pine

[myownprivate-johnnyutah]

chris pine to meryl streep (into the woods), meryl with glenn close (the house of the spirits) and glen and keanu in dangerous liasons!

okay now, andrew garfield

[teddybrownsworld]

[rylandgraces]

Keanu Reeves in Speed (1994) dir. Jan de Bont