about leaving and waiting and loving

Lembranças

[modestwritings]

All I wanted was my body to be warmed up against some body. The rest didn't matter. You didn't matter. You knew.

@modestwritings Dec 2013

[modestwritings]

Thank you

I can sort of breathe again

After that cuddle so warm, so long, so sweet

Secretly touching the lines of your body

Stealing your warmth

Pressing our faces against eachother

Breathing in eachothers smell

Hmmmmm

I could only hmmmmm in your ear..

[modestwritings]

And just like that

All the magic is gone Cuz it’s one way or the other And not some lame as shit in between 

[modestwritings]

I didn’t say too much

I didn’t do anything too much

Magic doesn’t choose to be magic

It’s an effect without a cause 

Love 

[modestwritings]

So, not to be dramatic but;

Snuggling up against each other

Falling asleep on his chest

Arms that hold me

Noses touching

Breathing in the smell of his neck

Laughing at stupid jokes

Kissing…

You just can’t do those things with yourself. However content you are by yourself. You just can’t. And now he left again..

@modestwritings Oct 2016

[modestwritings]

When you smile, it's like a galaxy full of stars is throwing a party in front of my eyes.

@modestwritings - Nov 2016

[modestwritings]

Sometimes it's not you. And sometimes it can't be fixed.

@modestwritings - Lifelessons as a 24-year old

[modestwritings]

Valencia car crash

After traveling for 10 days and reading 2 Paulo Coelho books I came to realize at least 2 things I want in my life for sure: a little farm with a few animals to love (in a country where it's most of the time +30°C) and that I would rather have sauna in my backyard then a pool, just to feel warm at cold nights. Also that I want a lover that sticks on my skin 24/7 and loves the feeling of our sweat melting and pouring into each other. Yes, I'd like that.

- @modestwritings Aug 2014

[modestwritings]

This

This whole thing didn’t break me. Not yet. I didn’t see a future for us in the first place. There are no dreams that are shattered now. None of that. I wasn’t even healed yet. I didn’t have new dreams yet.

It just made me insecure, sad and confused. But I’m sure I will rise above this, and sure as hell never get myself into a situation like this ever again. 

@modestwritings - May 2016

[modestwritings]

Your mantra’s were new to me Unexpected, creative and even funny

But as you poisoned my mind with your words It was only to myself they could be referred

Believing these lies was the worst I could do Cuz all that was said, was a reflection of you

Words too ugly to be shared With a knife on your throat, who would have dared?

@modestwritings

[modestwritings]

Same needs. Different values. Failed investment.

I’m not about to play games. I don’t need anybody. And if I do need someone, it’s someone who adds value to my life. Someone you can rely on, someone who’s gonna be there for you through thick and thin, someone who you can build a life with. That’s the only thing I need. So why invest time in anything other than that?

@modestwritings Feb 2016 - Aug 2016 

[modestwritings]

This Valentine’s day

Could have been so perfect It's Sunday It's snowing Perfect weather to be inside a warm cozy coffee place, hugging and kissing 

[modestwritings]

Het is op. De liefde. Het leven.

[modestwritings]

I have this super cute polaroid picture of myself. When I look at that photo I see a memory of a moment of pure happiness. It was 3 days before my flight that would bring me to you. To my love. To my new life. The excitement was bursting all out of me. I would like to recall that moment as one of the happiest moments of my life.

But if I have to be honest, the moments that I have actually spend with you for real, were even more intense. And thinking about those moments, that I remember as being filled with the most joy and love I've ever felt, breaks me into bits instantly.

Because the fall.. My God, the fall, from all the way up between the clouds, to the depth of 10 feet under the ground, is still unbearable.

Fuck those happy moments that were made out of seconds (okay sometimes minutes), if this is what I pay for it.

[modestwritings]

The only reason why I want to kiss him is because his kiss tastes like a bag of tobacco and makes it so unrelatable from the lips I'm actually missing.

@modestwritings Jan 2016

[modestwritings]

It's never too late to clear things up. For your own sake. For his sake. You owe it to your past. Knowing it was based on something real.

@modestwritings Jan 2016

[modestwritings]

I will Miss waiting for you. Miss jumping in the air and screaming about you. Smiling randomly while thinking about you. Miss knowing that I’m going to see you again. Miss being excited to see you again. Miss getting ready to meet you again. It’s not only being with you what this is all about. It’s the feeling you give me when you’re not even around. That magic you have over me. That feeling actually keeps me alive. It’s painful but it makes me happy. Because I imagine you must feel it too.

@modestwritings  Oct 014