Bizarre Mentation

I'm in a new city, out of school, in my own apartment and working for a living. How accomplished that must look on paper, and yet my mind, it is the same beautiful enigma.

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Texting with Mom

Mom: Do u need a new winter coat? Do you like Val Kilmer?

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Texting with Mom

Me: Hi mom! Is it really gloomy by you?

Mom: Yes. The weather moodcast showed scarface and 2 thumbs down.

Me: ...

Mom: Not scarface..sadface😥 like that

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Mom-ism (Quarantine Edition)

Email Subject: poignant sentence from my voice mail translation

Cats hope you remember Maine.

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Story Time with Mom

Email Subject:  my trip to CVS

So I just went to CVS to get a card for Robbie.

There was a man on line in front of me, about my age, I guess, and he had on very nice, very cool shoes.

As we were both leaving, I passed him as he had stopped to look at something, and I said. …”Nice Shoes”…he replied “Thank you, would you like to try them on? “   I said, “thank you, No…likely my feet would be too big” and he looked down and said, “Yes, you’re probably right about that”.

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Motherly Wisdom

[After explaining my boyfriend is making hard shell tacos instead of our usual soft shell]

Mom: Hmm... well, I guess you’ve been together long enough

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Mom-ism

In the middle of our phone call

Mom: I’m about to stick my hand in something creepy and gross so I wanted to let you know.

Me: Why?

Mom: In case I start screaming

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Dat Trolley Witch Tho

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My HP frenzy, after reading Cursed Child

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Mom-ism: Phone Call

Surprise phone call at work:

Me: hey--is everything okay?

Mom: You could have let me go to voicemail, but I called because I’m driving on the parkway and was just passed by a massive monster truck with wheels covered in grotesque clown heads and I needed to share. *click*

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Mom-ism: TV Recap

When discussing the first episode of ‘The Night Of’ with her:

“Again, ONCE THE KNIFE COMES OUT and it’s not for slicing limes, IT’S TIME TO GO!”

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Just went to Montreal for the 1st time

My boyfriend when we landed:

My boyfriend when we were leaving:

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Mom-ism

Today’s email:

Subject: so i have a new thing

I’ve decided I need my own “parting gesture” – like when I’m leaving a room, or a party, or seeing someone across a room.

Dad cracks up and likes it and it goes like this

 Thumb touching side of forefinger, bring to lips and kiss them, then suddenly, forcefully and with lightning speed, the hand comes down to shoulder level, the fingers turn into a gun (index pointed forward, thumb straight up) and the kiss is shot to the recipient.

 I like it. 

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Every Year

September 30th

October 1st

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So my bf and I decided on our couple’s costume this year...

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While the BF’s away on business

What I pretended I’d watched:

What I actually watched:

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Mom-ism

Some slight reference--my mother loves to quote the Christmas Carol, specifically anything related to Jacob Marley.

Today’s text:

“The truck from the Marley stone place passed me and I remembered when we drove past it one day and I said “...MARLEY WAS DEAD..” in a theatrical tone and you thought I said ‘Molly’ and thought I was a creep.”

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Mom-ism

This morning’s email:

I am waiting to go to the doctor, did not go to work, started running 100 degree fever last night. 

 but, while I am waiting, I am watching How to Murder your Wife and thinking of of you.