Quotes from Momma Turtle

[mommaturtlesays]

It's like my dream threesome

Momma Turtle

[mommaturtlesays]

Snapchats from Mommaturtle

[mommaturtlesays]

If a guy ever tells you to swallow, don't. It's gross and I don't recommend it.

Momma Turtle

[mommaturtlesays]

Mouthwash is just kids practicing for when they turn 21. Everyone knows how to take a shot.

Momma Turtle

[mommaturtlesays]

Your mother has an airbag on her ankle and you're laughing at her. How rude.

Momma Turtle

[mommaturtlesays]

I can't do anything because I'm hungover and helpless

Momma Turtle

[mommaturtlesays]

She looks like she's eating tanned asscheeks

Momma Turtle

[mommaturtlesays]

I started laughing and I peed on her deck. I think I was either too drunk or I am getting too old.

Momma Turtle

[mommaturtlesays]

Remember kids, if you ever want to get a man, you have to wear yoga pants that spread your asscheeks apart.

Momma Turtle

[mommaturtlesays]

Oral sex isn't actually sex

Momma Turtle