Monologues of my Mind

a blog where a 17yr old desi girl talks about life, death and all that's in between. follow if you find something interesting enough to keep you hooked.

[monologuesofmymind]

Hey there!

uhh...*awkward silence* ehh *ahem ahem*

hello there dear reader! welcome to my tumblr, I am Rits, a 17yr old who just discovered a few things about life, and decided to start writing about, so original, duh.

why are you here? to that question i might not have an answer...heh

why am i here? oh thats an easy question. this tumblr is just another reality i have created about myself. where i dump all my real thoughts in the most unfiltered fashion(read as: rambles)

keep scrolling until you find something that catches your eye. reblog/like as per your wish and if you do like the string of words i put together on this blog then do follow me! (^-^)

what to expect as you keep scrolling?

random theories

depressing stuff too, i'll put warnings dw

confessions *-*

memes (my sarcasm is 13ft below the deepest point on earth)

stuff about my life

truths i discovered

random facts

book reviews

movie reviews

ideas for life(this is so vague idek what it is)

uhh i guess that's all for now! see you sometime soon.

[monologuesofmymind]

losing you never seemed real to me

when i heard you left,

i just couldn't breathe

you were my bestfriend, my soulmate, my meant to be....

even in your absence

i search for a glimpse

of our good days

where you and i, together invincible.

i wish you were here as i look at the moon

I am sorry I didn't tell you enough that I love you.

[monologuesofmymind]

my sadness is just a mere collection of words on paper

yet it holds so much meaning

because here I am

tears cascading down my face

penning down poems about you

you, who didn't want me in the end.

you, who made me feel,

then took it all away in a single moment.

[monologuesofmymind]

and what do you do with the pain

when the tears won't fall anymore,

your head split in half by the reality of it,

your eyes burning with the intensity of the despair you feel

what do you do?

- rits

[monologuesofmymind]

Me to myself: Bro istg if you get that Rory Gilmore personality, i will fucking worship you

*breakdown crying*

[monologuesofmymind]

the thing about suicide is, for most victims, it is always a long battle of depression and that abyss of darkness.

for me however, it is not that. I am not depressed. I just want to quit so i can reset the life my soul is currently living. this body is not the one for me, my current settings of life are something this soul does not deserve. I have lived a complex life where i have no goals, and its too late to change the course of my life.

i will try till the end of this phase, which is next year July end. But after that, i have no wish to breathe or live whatever life is in front of me. Even if i achieve their goals, i will quit. Nothing can make me want to live, because then it will not be life for me, it is a prison of the greatest illusion the human mind can concoct...happiness.

to anyone reading this.... i am okay, wherever i am, however i am, whatever i am.

[monologuesofmymind]

I am not buried under the train wreck, I am the train wreck.

[monologuesofmymind]

"i am just a lonely caterpillar searching for her mulberry plant."

it means how i am just trying to find the right things that will lead me to become a beautiful butterfly.

[monologuesofmymind]

Quite recently, death has become an excuse for me to act like a wandering soul, despite the heavy expectations upon me. Ah what an ironic way to deal with life.

[monologuesofmymind]

Love is awful. It’s awful. It’s painful. It’s frightening. It makes you doubt yourself, judge yourself, distance yourself from the other people in your life. It makes you selfish. It makes you creepy, makes you obsessed with your hair, makes you cruel, makes you say and do things you never thought you would do. It’s all any of us want, and it’s hell when we get there.

So no wonder it’s something we don’t want to do on our own. I was taught if we’re born with love then life is about choosing the right place to put it. People talk about that a lot, feeling right, when it feels right it’s easy. But I’m not sure that’s true. It takes strength to know what’s right. And love isn’t something that weak people do. Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope. I think what they mean is, when you find somebody that you love, it feels like hope

-a random acc on instagram in their caption.

[monologuesofmymind]

Yearning for a loving embrace that gently picks up my dead soul and lays it to rest.

[monologuesofmymind]

sometimes i wonder if i am the one pushing myself off the cliff or the one being pushed off

ik it doesn't make sense, but let's just roll with it.

[monologuesofmymind]

Your mere existence became the whole flaw of my life.

[monologuesofmymind]

I am a simp for a pile of pixels, idek anymore

-random person on the internet said this

and omfg this just hit me right at the centre of my heart 🤡 🤡 🤡

[monologuesofmymind]

My spotify for anyone interested in my music taste!

Its not really that interesting but oh well, if you like something do follow!

rits

rits, a user on Spotify

[monologuesofmymind]

You make me want to live, Ash. Not survive, not exist. Live

edited this quote from Sarah J Maas’s Queen of Shadows.

[monologuesofmymind]

sometimes, i think too much about what i should post here. i make endless plans, i get random thoughts(which i always forget to write down...its the worst thing tbvh). However today i realised that even if i keep planning stuff for this blog, down to the minutest thing...it will be too fake. Hence, i have decided to go completely unfiltered. No more second thoughts, just typing the truth, as it keeps hitting me. Because i often end up building too much inside me and i can’t function normally then. I have realised that having too much on your mind makes you unproductive on high levels. So now whenever i feel like dumping thoughts, imma tag that post with #ritsthoughtdump .