Before Coming to China I Wish Someone Would Have Told Me.....
subotontical shock when they get here. Then I thought, anyone planning a trip to this complex country could also find some of these tidbits helpful, so here you are....
Things that may be useful to know about China before visiting.....
Oh, and I guess I should say that in no way am I an expert or even smart for that matter. These are just behaviors that caught me off guard and by simple deduction, research, and a lot of shit talking I realized these were things that other foreigners also found peculiar. In no way do these behaviors reflect on who the Chinese are as people or as a culture. Anyways, with that said.........
Things to know before traveling to China............
When you first arrive into China you will instantly recognize the different sounds and smells of this foreign country. Some are delightful and some will make the hairs on the back of your neck shrivel up and die. Of such sounds, spitting will be an echo that sounds through the streets and will inevitably be a part of your day. The ritual of spitting in China runs deep in their history and regarded more as a medicinal practice then a completely disgusting habit. As a great admirer of Eastern medicine, I can appreciate that, however, the sound that it makes is spine tapping. It is as if you had a thick ass piece of Velcro and Arnold himself tore the meaty bastard apart followed by a viscous splat! Best is pretend that it doesn't really happen. The problem is it is everywhere and for the untrained ear can be hard to tone out. And expect to hear dad, grandma, boyfriend, cousin, step-sister, waiter, driver, agent, host doing it, it's going to happen. For expats, best solution (a seemingly universal solution in China) carry your Ipod everywhere, transport yourself to be in a Yellow Submarine with Florence and Rick James. Also worth mentioning is the nose picking. Nose picking is also not something saved for private moments in your car, this also exists everywhere. I fing this habit is really much more entertaining and not as traumatic . I guess the same philosophy applies to both spiting and picking. There is something in your body you don't want, so get it out! Just be aware of the hand railings (especially on buses, aka public wiping posts..yuck!) and 6 inch long pinky nails!!
The celebrity status foreigners inherently acquire, without doing anything excepting looking different (See previous post, China's Man Desert, and learn more why foreigner's instant fame is helping to feed the problem of all the overly hairy, awkwardly shaped, and possibly cross-eyed men that flock to China) in China can be an exciting thing about living here. Then 30 minutes past and you are already over it. Unfortunately for you, the Chinese are not and neither are their cameras. So smile, you're on candid camera! Especially if you are in a group of foreigners, zoom lens is coming out. The approach to the photo shot is really the part that determines how much it will annoy you. There is the overly enthusiastic photographer who excitedly requests to be in a photo with you. This is an easy way to make someone's day as well as endorse that celebrity status. Then there is creepy mc creeperton. This is the dude who slyly changes his Candy Crusher game over to his camera, pretends to hold onto the hand rail for balance in the metro, and snaps a shot of you just inches from your half asleep face. As soon as you hear that shutter close it is official, this guy just took a random photo of you. He knows it, you know it and now you are left to wonder what the intentions are for that photo, this person is creepy
The Chinese language is a complex variety of sounds and tones and when you first hear it you will have no idea what anyone is saying and you will think everyone is mad. Words and tones blend into one soupy mess and you will find yourself lost. However, there is one word that may stick out and catch you off guard as it is tossed around almost every conversation around you. It is the Chinese word for “that,” “Na Ge 那个” pronounced, nigga. I am sorry, did you say, nigga what, nigga who?? This word is not only the the Chinese word for 'that,' it is also used as thinking word. In the West, we might say “hum?” or “like” to fill the space between thoughts, the Chinese say “nigga. ” And unless you are Jay-Z, this word is not stream lined into everyday conversation in the West and attention is quickly drawn to it when it is dropped. Copious amounts of “nigga” fill every Chinese conversation but, no worries because it is simply just a word, nothing more, nothing less. Let's move on.
Bathrooms or the W.C. (from the British term 'water closet,' this is mainly what you will hear the Chinese call it) practices are somewhat barbaric in this country. First of all, 75% of the WC's you will use are in fact biohazard zones and are fancy holes in the ground. Squatter toilets are the preferred centerpiece for most bathrooms and will be unable to digest your toilet paper. No worries though, there is a garbage can located just inches away from your face where you can place your used tissue, just throw it on top of the tumbling tower of tissues. Also, prepare those thighs for some burning, burning love as you gracefully hover over these holes. Carry small packs of tissues on you, hand sanitizer, and for the weak stomached (Mom) a gas mask. Relieving yourself is also not just confided to the walls of the WC. GZ is treated like a public toilet and drains, bushes, potted plants, or simply laying out newspaper on the street is now a make shift bathroom at anyones disposal. Most adults will attempt to step off politely to take care of themselves, but not children. No, no, no, no discretion is even attempted, GZ is their toilet. To me, this is most apparent when a parent will fold up their child like a messy burrito, exposing their assless pants, to use the potted plants in front of, oh let's say, anywhere. And use it as their own personal toilet. And yes, these kids are wearing assless pants, most toddlers wear a type of chaps, yes chaps, where the ass has been conveniently removed so that the parents do not even have to bother with pulling down their child's pants. Yes, the same type of pant that make Wrangler butts drive you nuts serve as the no hassle pit stop for Chinese toddlers. Three words; constant hand sanitizer.
Ok, to me those were some of the major shockers. I could carry on to include all the other “GASP” moments predictably most visitors might have but why ruin all the fun! This is purely informational. Knowing these chunks of information will really prepare you for your safari into the unknown and surely leaves room for endless possibilities of delight and horror! So, mom and dad, I can not wait for to visit me! I hope you found this useful and you not currently rerouting your trip to Thailand!!!
areudirty
tangentwithtanner
turnnoffyourmind
jimmyeatworldofficial
