I’m not supposed to put this into words,
To allow these feelings to take shape.
You and I, we should’ve been nothing but a glimpse.
In this twist in my gut, in the urge to pick up the damn phone and –
“Hey, is there a chance we can meet?”
You’ve woven yourself into my head.
I didn’t think there would ever be any room for you.
Parasite: here you are, squeezing in, pouring a cup of tea and taking a seat at my table.
I come up with a myriad of daydreams and hypothetical situations,
I’ll bump into you at the market or tomorrow at our friends’ or simply walking down the street.
I dread it. I ache for it.
We’ll climb the hills and kiss in the forest shadows, we’ll go back to where it started and make it right.
I’ll tell you the speech I’ve written with my thoughts and you’ll bend to me, like I’ve bent to you.
Let’s fuck this up again.
Making out in your car, then tangled in your sheets,
What has been and what could be.
God, someone take my phone away,
Fuck, take my hand to walk me out of the car,
Make me breakfast and kiss my knuckles with your eyes fixed on mine.
Pick me up wherever I am,
Touch me like I’m a deity turned flesh,
Take me to heaven — three, four times — before you even consider coming along.
It’s your fingers I think of when he’s touching me,
It’s the way your tongue moves that I try to mimic when I’m kissing him,
You’re here, you’re so awfully here, you swept me off my feet.
I miss the way you hold me in your arms, so strong
The worship of your fingertips when you brush my hair back and the gentleness of your lips when you kiss my forehead.
I am the most precious being to have ever walked the earth when you touch me like that,
When you listen like that,
If only the heart agreed with reason,
If only I hadn’t had to break your heart.