ants! ants! ants! @mordanteater - Tumblr Blog

you can tell im 30-something because i bought a new brand of toothbrushes and im very pleased with them. toothbrushes generally have the same problem that tennis shoes for instance have in that they're overdesigned and consequently garish and ugly. but this is literally just a single piece of plastic, all one color, with a logo printed on it and white bristles. very tasteful. it's perfect.

preyanimal

i sound like fucking patrick bateman

deansbisexualflannel

inbabylontheywept

my grandpa was a good man. and it really wasnt his fault - recreationally lying to kids is a proud family tradition - but he told me, once, that cutting a worm in half resulted in two worms.

i think he said it so i'd be more morally okay with fishing? i actually dont remember the context.

point was, he told me this, and he understimated (by a very large margin) how much i liked worms. i was a worm boy. very wormy. and after hearing that, i went home, and i dug through the garden, flipped over every rock, did everything i could to gather as many worms as i could, and then i uh.

i cut them all in half. every worm i could find. all of them. with scissors.

i then took this pile of split worms, and i put them in a box with a bit of lettuce and some water and stuff and went to bed expecting to double my worms overnight. i have math autism, so i had a vague understanding that if i did this just a few times in a row, i would eventually have a completely unreasonable amount of worms.

i was very excited to become this plane's worm emperor.

(i think i was...six?)

anyway, i did not become the inheritor of the worm crown. i instead woke up to a box of dead worms and cried. a lot. i got diagnosed with panic attacks as a teenager, but i think i had them as a kid, i just had no idea what they were. i was kind of processing that a.) i had killed what i had assumed was every single worm in my yard, and thus would have no more worms, and b). i was going to like, worm hell.

(six year babylon spent a lot of time worrying about god.)

so i kind of freaked out, and i climbed a tree, because god can only smite you if you're touching the ground (?) and i sat up there mostly inconsolable until my mom came out and asked, hey, what's up? what happened?

so i explained to her that i had killed all of the worms, forever, and was also Damned, and she took me to the compost pile, and we dug for all of five seconds and found like twenty more worms.

the compost pile was full of worms.

she then told me that a). there were more worms, and we could put them back under rocks and stuff and recolonize our yard and b). that one day, i would die, and go to heaven, and be able to talk to the worms face to face. that i'd be able to tell them all that i was very sorry, and that i killed them on accident, driven only by excessive Love, and that she was positive they would forgive me because worms have six hearts and no malice.

at that point, i think i was sixty percent tear-snot by weight, and i had no choice but to gather enough worms that i could hug them. which my mom helped with. and then after that she helped me put some worms back under each rock.

and for my epilogue: i spent a significant portion of my childhood in trees. and for many years after, even when my mom didnt know i was watching, i would catch her giving the space under the rocks a light spritz with the hose. not because she loved worms.

but because she loved me.

coelii

#phanpy :)#just a little guy

shrubsparrow

It's in the eye of the beholder

madmwyrd

this is so sweet

realpokemon

we should criminalize ace trainers battling with their rhyperiors on the fucking I-40 when i'm trying to get to work on time. there is a goddamn BLISSEY on the road

( 198 notes )

🎆 faerie-type Follow

( 1,504 notes )

🎡 so-fucking-wurmple Follow

dear jirachi please send me 1,000,000,000p ^_^ (brink of tears)

🎡 so-fucking-wurmple Follow

GUYS GUYS THIS POST WAS A JOKE

I JUST GOT A CALL FROM MY MOM AND SAHHLJBGF[L;DLKJLFGDI SHE SENT ME A FREE SUPER POTION

THIS POST WORKS

🏖 hoennianblues Follow

Always reblog Lucky Jirachi Post

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🌖 solgayleo Follow

i just saw another Youngster throwing a pokéball into the water and it completely missed and he didn't even bother to scoop up the broken pieces. i'm so fucking disappointed with this generation see this is why lapras are so endangered because they keep fuckin Literally Choking On Net Balls that you don't bother to clean up. this is one of the most bueatiful shores in the world and there are only 40 lapras left IN EXISTENCE and one washed up just last week please please please STOP SURFING and STOP BATTLING on the ocean

🏞 hurdurrgurdurr Follow

THIS!!!!! ^^^^ SIGNAL BEAM

💽 adultyoungster Follow

if you dont rb this post lets just say we're making eye contact

🛳 hmmmmsurf Follow

Wait what is op talking about? Lapras officially stopped being endangered back in 2016 and are actually an overeffective predator that are driving gastrodon populations almost to extinction in some parts of alola. This is actually just blatant misinformation? I guess??

🥘 malasada-mercy Follow

I gained a net 0 amount of information from this post 😭

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🦠 sh1nyd3x Follow

need

🕰 omega-evolution Follow

"this is my beautiful baby his name is #00FF0E"

( 4,509 notes )

🌉 pokecomp-tweet-s Follow

( 414 notes )

🪁 macrobyke Follow

can we please normalize battling people without making eye contact. "oh oh oh its polite to warn people before you battle them!!!!" L + ratio + skill issue + never let em know your next move + dragonite use hyper beam

track-maniac

in the gitted lab. straight up "pushing it". and by "it", haha, well. let's just say. Bad code

track-maniac

It wasn't me

trekkiemage

headspace-hotel

I was about to reblog this, and then I saw the picture and I got the joke, in that order.

like this is just what a normal D&D session is like

luxlightly

If I hadn’t seen this caption I literally would never have gotten the joke. This is just a perfect representation of a normal D&D session.

naamahdarling

With 7 players? This is going incredibly well.

thedogist

Lucky, mix, 83rd & 5th Ave., New York, NY • “We’re from Montenegro – I found him there. In my country, there are many street dogs. He’s very good and very friendly. He’s a beautiful dog. I’ve now had ten dogs. It was fate.”

Which breeds do you think Lucky has in him?

postitanyways

A Squirmle and her young.

parkchanwoohoo

My mom got a scarf for her dog to make him "look cool" and I genuinely don't understand how this is supposed to look cool 😭😭 He looks like he's going to the market to sell radishes

egberts

getting the house ready for the kittens arrival. i am so nervous. i haven't cared for a kitten in a decade 😳 I'm trying to imagine their tiny little selves walking around and what they might do. the house is so big compared to them. the anticipation is killing me