in the summer of 2015, i was sent hundreds of messages of anon hate overnight because of a post taylor liked on tumblr. the entire community of people i surrounded myself with was sent hundreds of hate messages and death wishes. i almost deactivated. but instead i posted a video of myself talking about the situation, literally begging the people in the taylor fandom to recognize me, and people like me, as real humans with real feelings. i had to beg all of you to see me as a human being, not just a url you get violently angry at when you see it.
it’s now 2018, and taylor just gave a speech about pride and the LGBT community for the first time in her career. yes, she has mentioned small things in the past in interviews, about her ‘boys and boys and girls and girls’ lyric, and she presented at the GLAAD awards and delivered a beautiful speech before presenting ruby rose with an award. but taylor has never spoken about pride. she has never spoken about the LGBT community at large, and she has certainly never done this during her tour speech.
i feel like that after all of these years of being ridiculed, mocked, hated, dragged, and practically chased out of the fandom, that i actually belong here. taylor’s pride speech before delicate means more to me and to LGBT individuals than anyone can ever comprehend, and taylor knows that. i no longer have to question whether or not she’s prepared to show support for people like me. i no longer have to question whether she’s too afraid to fight back against the conservative portion of her fanbase who think people like me do not have basic human rights and do not have a place in this fandom. i no longer have to feel fear, anxiety, and guilt when i relate taylor’s songs to my sexuality. i no longer have to be afraid to let my voice be heard.
taylor let her voice be heard last night. and this is the most important speech of her entire career. i can never thank her enough, for telling me that yes, i am loved, and yes, she is proud of me, and yes, she is here to fight this fight with me, with all of us. it’s been three years since i was told, on almost a daily basis, that i deserve to die, and that taylor hates people like me. and i hope that every single person who sent hate to me and everyone else like me has changed and grown over these years, and i hope they listened to taylor last night.
as much as her speech was for us, it was also for her. no one can judge us. no one can touch us when we’re with her. i’m an emotional trainwreck over this speech. i spent the first night of pride, curled up in a ball on my bed crying to “love, simon” because i’m not out, and it hurts, and it’s isolating, and it’s lonely. i spent the first night of pride crying and aching, and then taylor liked posts about her songs being gay anthems, about delicate being a pride song, and that alone was enough to make me feel less alone. the second night of pride month, taylor delivered a pride speech in a rainbow dress and now any time i feel the need to curl into a ball and cry while watching “love, simon,” i can just curl in a ball and listen to her speech and smile, and not feel so alone anymore.
@taylorswift i love you from the bottom of my heart, with everything in me. i will never have enough words to thank you; somehow even this feels inadequate. i love you. thank you for loving me back.
jacobvanloon
