he/him

I have an illogical fear of construction cranes body born 1994, minors DNI

[hiveswap]

Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis

[cryptotheism]

Cop: Have you been age regressing this evening?

Me about to go for the stuffed dog in the glove compartment: No officer

[cryptotheism]

Cop: Do you know how old you are right now?

Me: (counting on my fingers) dis many

Cop: Step out of the car please.

[troublepunk-ldn]

me as a teenager: man it sucks to have no privacy or autonomy but i guess its for a good reason. when i turn 18 i will realise how young i was and understand why they did all that.

me as an adult: teenagers are an oppressed class, their abuse is normalised and systemic and they need to start killing people

[whyenn-reader]

you are not immune to inventing an arbitrary set of rules that only you have to adhere to

[oh-frederik-what-a-day-its-been]

[unusual]

[cannibalchicken]

[animentality]

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

“but what if-“ no, because there is no way to know and you can’t go back. it is what it is. c’est la vie. “what if” is for future stuff, now. it’s getting a rebranding.

[defend-the-net-offical-deactiva]

OpenAI running out of money, you say?

Like to charge, Reblog to cast!!!

[orangechickenpillow]

[thepersephonecabin]

shoutout to everyone making progress that no one recognized because you never let anyone see your darkest moments. i see you and i am so, so proud of every little step you’re making in the right direction.

[jennyforeigner]

Just got a chatgpt ad where the use case was "can't decide a new years resolution". I can't think of anything more sad than needing a robot to tell you what your own ambitions are. Loser shit.

[mactiir]

obsessed with mass market paperbacks. their pleasing rectangular proportions. how they fit badly in a hoodie pocket so you can drag them around everywhere with you like a temporary little buddy. the way they fit in your hand because they're MADE for human hands and not as bookshelf decoration. the way the pages feel when you riffle them gently with your thumb. How pristine and crisp they look when you get them and how creased and folded they look when you're done, even if you try to be nice to them. how that wear is okay, how that's correct actually, because they're made with the philosophy that books aren't meant to be PRETTY, they're meant to be read. that little ripple new ones get on the left side from where you hold them when you're reading, the way the ripple only goes as far as you've read, because u change stories by reading as they are changing you. how you can find thousands of these creased and folded and loved little dudes in every thrift store and used book shop and neighborhood library and you can instantly see the ones that someone carried around in a backpack for weeks or read to pieces or gave up on halfway through because they wear being read like fresh snow wears footprints. I love these poorly made, subpar little rectangles so much. truly the people's books.

[creekfiend]

I identify the most with the woman who has a green velvet ribbon around her neck and keeps being like "DONT untie my neck ribbon or something really bad will happen" and then her husband unties the ribbon and her head falls off. this is extremely real to me. spent my whole life like "please don't do this thing to me or really bad stuff will happen" and everyone around me being like "that sounds fake" and doing it anyway. and then my head fell off!

[dementedgnomicwizard]

today at work this kid (ill call him Kid 1) was having snack w his friend (Kid 2) and kid2 had a kitkat bar. kid1 asked if he could have half and kid2 said no to which kid1 responded verbatim “Kid1 Has Banned Kid2 From Entering Heaven” and it startled me so badly i nearly started crying laughing

[dementedgnomicwizard]

kids are the funniest people in the world when i worked at an elementary school during lunch one day the class unprompted started talking abt what they wanted to be when they grew up and this kid beckoned me over and was like

kid: when i grow up i want to be a cristopoper

me: a what?

kid: a cristopoper

me: i don’t think i know what that is!

kid: it’s a person who comes up with the names for different careers

me: oh, that—

kid: yeah, i just started my career. just now

me: oh my god

like he fucking got me. thats genius. thats a well constructed bit. he was 8

[mjalti]

nothing is real and then all of a sudden everything is very real with no warning

[jessaerys]

it's very funny to me that as we enter another era of cocaine chic people are all like "breaking my silence. life DOES get better if you're skinny okay there i said it #brave" like are you stupid. of course life gets better when you're skinny. everyone knows this. life also gets better when you stop trying to fight off the killer in the parking lot and just let him put you in the trunk of his car. like it just goes sooooo much smoother for the both of us you guys and you don't even get punched in the face. it's amazing. it's so much easier than screaming and kicking and freaking out i don't get why it's such a big deal just go along with the nice man to a secondary location it's literally fine don't even worry about it