have you ever seen a ghost

3 apples tall. diary

[denssonfilm]

The vibe I bring in to the function

[notund]

this post's hypothetical by itself is already ridiculous but the thing that gets me is how the wording implies two very funny things that become funnier in tandem

1. "Accidentally, the pitcher tosses a Christian baby" means this is a mistake on the pitcher's part. i imagine the pitcher is breastfeeding on the field and they pitch and they look down at their hands and they see the ball still in the glove and they go "fuck"

2. hitting the baby will still win you the game

[tidal-chaos]

[louisegluckpdf]

scantily is basically the most classic way to be clad

[wabbledab]

hell yesssss thank youuuuu for the reminder micheal my man gonna splurge with this one boys I totally forgot about my cent #mycent

[theblackparadeisdead]

The thing about panic at the disco is that no one won

[mollyyoung]

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

these are KILLING me

[natureisthegreatestartist]

[pisboy]

does anyone have the gamer dance gif because i need it

[hollowtones]

This? 

[pisboy]

Hmm…………….. not quite. try again

[hollowtones]

Only gif I got, boss.

[duckdotcom]

me: oh no! 😱 I dropped my phone 📱 in the dead sea 💀🌊 which has a famously high average salt 🧂 content of 290ppt, almost nine times that of the ocean. if only someone were brave enough to retrieve it for me 🥺

my best friend wound man (helpful to a fault): I will go ☝️🤕

[slimemode]

[calebwittebane]

this doesn't work and can actually be dangerous

[dogpuppy]

[queer-here-and-in-fear]

shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply

"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post

"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior

"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares

"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.

"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all

".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity

[queer-here-and-in-fear]

this is prime proof that this ENTIRE WEBSITE is autistic because nowhere else would a no tags post that's just an informative list about slang get this much traction.

[queer-here-and-in-fear]

anyway more addittions

“30-50 wild hogs” for someone making ABSURD excuses for violence.

“what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament” for how do you know that without being a part of it.

“anyone in this thread smoke weed” for the shit you people are saying is so off topic this might as well be a general discussion forum

“dogs are boys and cats are girls” for ooh ur mindset did not grow past 4th grade, huh

“color theory in a childrens hospital” for bending over backwards to not agree that YEA, that thing Came Off Weird

“you are a tar pit” for someone finding any reason to respond with outrage.

“is the __ in the room with us right now?” for I Don’t Think That’s Real.

“bean soup? im allergic to beans!” for ik this doesn’t work for you, but that’s not a flaw. not everything can be for you.

“people irl: hey man hows it going” for this will Never Matter irl

[footlongdingledong]

i dont care if mondays rife,tuesday qednesday full of strife, thursday fuck my baka life, its friday im in sucks

[vviridescence]

happy thursday fuck my baka life, thank you for this post op i had this stuck in my head for days so i embroidered it

i might attach it to a magnet to go on my fridge lol

[pettydavis]

they need to start making clothes out of material that can clean glasses well again

[t-800]

whatever i’ll finger it all out eventually

[l0stvegas]

Urgent care is a very funny name for it because they do not treat you with any urgency nor do they care

[l0stvegas]

made this same joke on Twitter and got this reply, which the person in question then thought was so profound that they had to retweet their own joke immediately, Which I respect highly