ALL HAIL MORT

sidekick to the-magnificent-mort. Mort is love, Mort is life, Mort is god

[the-magnificent-mort]

HAPPY NEW YEARS, MORTALS AND MORTICIANS

[morts-morticians]

ANOTHER YEAR OF MORT

[the-magnificent-mort]

Mort's New Year's Resolution is to scheme more

What is yours?

[morts-morticians]

To convert more people to Mort's cause so that he may finally have enough Morticians to overthrow BIM and his bimbos

[thebeastofblackmoor]

Clue Crew I'm beginning to think that Big Island Mike is a false god. Since July, I have repeatedly asked for prayers to BIM for jobs I was in the running for, and I got none of them. Then, this month, I did not post anything about an opportunity I was interviewing for, and I got it. Is it possible BIM is not our lord at all?

For this reason, I ask that you please do not pray to BIM that I get the old grease stains out of my lightly colored shirts.

[the-immersion-excursion]

Blasphemy. Big Island Mike will strike you down for such a statement. When your car stalls... When you spill your drink... When you misspell something in a work email... When you lose your keys... That is BIM giving you exactly what you deserve: Eternal punishment for your Big Island Insolence. You will know the power of our Big Island Lord.

Only when you learn the error of your ways and submit to his Big Island Holiness will your torment end.

[thebeastofblackmoor]

you tell me BIM is responsible for all the worst happenings and minor inconveniences in my life and you think this will make me want to worship him? FOOLISH. claracs, rise up.

[the-immersion-excursion]

Those who love him will be loved. Those who hate him will have their hatred reflected back to them tenfold. Big Island Salvation awaits, should to apologize for your Big Island Misdeeds.

BUT THAT IS NOT ALL I MUST BIG ISLAND SAY.

You foolish Clarac. Your false goddess Clara Thornton has no comparison to the Big Island Power of BIM. She lacks his Holy Flavors, his Big Island Generosity, his Big Island Sex Appeal. Her daughter doesn't even love her! Pua adores her father, in all his Big Island Holiness, because he loves his daughter more than anything! But Clara! The heathen! She wishes to control her daughter. To mold her into a Little Clara. FOOLISHNESS. Pressure like that to become what a parent desires will further separate the parent and the child. A REAL loving parent, such as our Lord BIM, encourages their child to live out their OWN dreams, such as surfing and lesbianism!

CURSES UPON YOU, ALL WHO WORSHIP SUCH A FALSE GODDESS.

[the-magnificent-mort]

You foolish mortals, this can all be fixed by following Mortism

[the-immersion-excursion]

Girl, fuck you.

[the-magnificent-mort]

Big Island Mike aspires to the level of holiness I have achieved

[morts-morticians]

Mort is the one true god, his fluffiness knows no bounds and he shall deliver us from the heretics

[thebeastofblackmoor]

Clue Crew I'm beginning to think that Big Island Mike is a false god. Since July, I have repeatedly asked for prayers to BIM for jobs I was in the running for, and I got none of them. Then, this month, I did not post anything about an opportunity I was interviewing for, and I got it. Is it possible BIM is not our lord at all?

For this reason, I ask that you please do not pray to BIM that I get the old grease stains out of my lightly colored shirts.

[the-immersion-excursion]

Blasphemy. Big Island Mike will strike you down for such a statement. When your car stalls... When you spill your drink... When you misspell something in a work email... When you lose your keys... That is BIM giving you exactly what you deserve: Eternal punishment for your Big Island Insolence. You will know the power of our Big Island Lord.

Only when you learn the error of your ways and submit to his Big Island Holiness will your torment end.

[thebeastofblackmoor]

you tell me BIM is responsible for all the worst happenings and minor inconveniences in my life and you think this will make me want to worship him? FOOLISH. claracs, rise up.

[the-immersion-excursion]

Those who love him will be loved. Those who hate him will have their hatred reflected back to them tenfold. Big Island Salvation awaits, should to apologize for your Big Island Misdeeds.

BUT THAT IS NOT ALL I MUST BIG ISLAND SAY.

You foolish Clarac. Your false goddess Clara Thornton has no comparison to the Big Island Power of BIM. She lacks his Holy Flavors, his Big Island Generosity, his Big Island Sex Appeal. Her daughter doesn't even love her! Pua adores her father, in all his Big Island Holiness, because he loves his daughter more than anything! But Clara! The heathen! She wishes to control her daughter. To mold her into a Little Clara. FOOLISHNESS. Pressure like that to become what a parent desires will further separate the parent and the child. A REAL loving parent, such as our Lord BIM, encourages their child to live out their OWN dreams, such as surfing and lesbianism!

CURSES UPON YOU, ALL WHO WORSHIP SUCH A FALSE GODDESS.

[the-magnificent-mort]

You foolish mortals, this can all be fixed by following Mortism

[morts-morticians]

Mort has spoken.

[the-magnificent-mort]

You all have finally drank the kool-aid and are preparing yourselves for further trials. Wait no longer, for our fourth puzzle shall be arising soon. Be patient, my dear mortals.

[morts-morticians]

Mort has spoken.

[the-magnificent-mort]

R zn sviv gl drhs blf zm luurxrzo dvoxlnv gl gsv nligrxrzm girzoh. Zh dv tl gsilfts gsrh qlfimvb gltvgsvi, dv hszoo tzrm pmldovwtv lu nv, Nlig, zmw gsv xlnizwvh R szev zyhliyvw rmgl nb nfogrkov kvihlmzorgrvh.

Yvslow nligzoh, gsv yvzfgb lu Tilleb 60h Xfog Ovzwvi Nlig zh sv levixlnvh nb xlmhxrlfhmvhh zmw xlmgiloh nb wrtrgzo wlnzrm uli z kvirlw.

[morts-morticians]

Mort has spoken

[the-magnificent-mort]

I'm back

[morts-morticians]

Behold, the glorious return of our god Mort

[morts-morticians]

Tremble, MORTals, for the all powerful Mort shall bring his judgement down upon the heretics! Repent and become MORTicians!

[blorbo-court]

Submitted by mygirlfriendismadatme

Mort (All Hail King Julien)

Innocent

Guilty

Voting ended onJul 7, 2025

[morts-morticians]

Mort is innocent, do not listen to the lies of the heretics, dear MORTicians

[morts-morticians]

@the-magnificent-mort I am here to do Mort's bidding

@papenniesandbentoboxes @drewlyyours @sonnys-space-junk @nancydrewmermaid @discombobulateddisco007 @nancyscenterofoperations come be Morticians

[penny-milkin-em]

Another cult?

[morts-morticians]

BEGONE FOUL PENNY, THERE IS NO PLACE FOR YOU AMONG MORT'S MORTICIANS

[the-magnificent-mort]

Dearest mortals and future morticians!

I come bearing a message for you all. This announcement has weathered storms and fires to get to you, it's best you wisely choose not to ignore this.

[morts-morticians]

Mort has spoken

[the-magnificent-mort]

foolish MORTals, I am not to be ignored! Smart Mort has surfaced to serve you and you willfully ignore!

[the-magnificent-mort]

Zbeg frrf lbhe lrneavat sbe chmmyr fbyivat. Zbeg vf xvaq naq oraribyrag. Zbeg vf cybggvat.

Ovzobf... cercner lbhefryirf sbe... GUR ZBEGVPVNA GEVNYF

(qha qha qhhhhha!)

[morts-morticians]

Mort has spoken

[morts-morticians]

@the-magnificent-mort I am here to do Mort's bidding

@papenniesandbentoboxes @drewlyyours @sonnys-space-junk @nancydrewmermaid @discombobulateddisco007 @nancyscenterofoperations come be Morticians