Tragedy is sewn into your soul.

Joshua Bishop|| 32 || Escort || Assassin Indie Crime & Fallout OC

[mosaaic-blog]

~*~

Private as all heck but I miss this boy

[mosaaic-blog]

mentisvolatus:

                     he shouldn’t have done it. this was territory                       that leonardo shouldn’t be exploring. he should                      count his blessings that josh wasn’t yelling                       at him, that he was just blushing and staring at                      his teacup.  that was too far a step even for him.  leonardo licked his lips.                                                                      “I– -”           leonardo doesn’t want to apologize. because           he wasn’t sorry he kissed him. just that it might           have ruined things. so he quieted himself and           let the silence encompass them. he wasn’t going           to apologize. 

Joshua didn’t want an apology, he didn’t need one. Why should someone apologize for something neither was sorry for? It was simply that Joshua didn’t know what to say. Or rather,  he  knew  what he  should  say, but it  was the opposite from what his heart wanted to say. 

His mind told him to draw a clear line, that he had made vows to not be swayed by earthly desires or needs. To only live for God and the church... but if he was honest, they all had been empty. Made with a very earthly man in mind, never God or the messiah.

But still, he worried, worried that if he allowed this to go further that he fell back into old habits, lose the place he had found in the world and return to the darkness. He liked most parts of his new life, he just missed human contact, skin... kisses. Especially kisses so soft that he could not remember if he even had tasted them before. Kisses from someone that seemed to care, someone, he felt safe around, for the most part at least.

Slowly he looks up again, turns to Leo to study his face. And again did his lips curl into an amused smile. It seemed to him like the artist was pouting.

But Josh again stayed silent, looked once more ahead of him, but his hand reaches slowly, careful for the other’s to place his fingers carefully, slightly over Leonardo’s. Barely a touch, but it still made his heart skip.

[maestrodartea]

                   the thing was, leo was pretty sure josh would                    listen even if he wasn’t a priest. a paint stained                    hand moved to touch his knee gently, a thank you. a reassuring that he wasn’t going anywhere too. leo sipped his tea once and turned his full gaze to josh again to study his face. he could make him into a saint. or use him as a model for the face  of christ. or was that too blasphemous?                                                        there’s something to be said about feeling                                                        like you belong. leonardo blinked once.                    and then? then he leaned in to gently                    press their lips together. and he knew                    he shouldn’t. but he did it anyway.                     because he was grateful. and… so full                    of something that couldn’t quite be                     expressed with words.

[mosaaic-blog]

It felt to Josh like the air had become syrup. Slowing everything down, time, words and thoughts. It was warm and safe and sweet, such gentle sweetness that he wanted to drown in the moment. Nearly unknown to the man.

And then he feels the other’s lips against his own, his thoughts still slow, but his heart jumping, his whole body awakening to the moment with goosebumps. He had never been kissed like this. Not in a situation like this, warmth had usually been lacking. And so he closed his eyes, feeling the artists lips against his own, soft and perfect, the short beard of the other tickling enough against his skin that a smile curved his lips, moving slightly against the other’s that way. 

Only slowly he realized what was happening, pulling away, slowly, to look at Leo with a mix of surprise and amazement and a blush that spread from his cheeks to his ears.

          “Oh...”

He made, pressing his own lips together and looking into his teacup again. He didn’t know what to say... well he knew. He knew what he should be saying. He knew what he should be doing... but that was not what his pounding heart wanted to say.

[maestrodartea]

                    “Perhaps you could tell my father that.” and it’s not even bitter. affectionate, really. a sort of plea. josh sees him as more than leo has ever seen himself.                                                                      leo offered a genuine smile right back                                                                     and took his sandwich. he felt he was                                                                     finished for the night anyway.             or at least until he woke himself up and needed             to occupy his hands.                                            “Thank you, for this. You didn’t have to.” but josh had. and now they were having a nice little picnic in the church, watching paint dry. still, he can’t help the smile.                            “Thank you for… Everything, really.”

[mosaaic-blog]

          “If you want me to... Priests have such talks quite often...”

Josh would try to do anything to help Leo. He truly had become important to him, and as much as he gave he felt he was getting back.

          “I enjoy eating with you over eating alone. So you are            welcome.” 

He gave a small nod and bit into his own before washing it down with a sip of his tea.

          “I was alone most of the time you showed up. I like it the way             it is now much better. So it is not like you are the only one             getting anything from this. So... thank you, too.”

[maestrodartea]

                    “I am…. Glad… Glad that you had her. And that she                              had you. She was very lucky.” leo offers him a light smile and  peels the paint from his fingers  absently. it looks beautiful now, but it is hardly his best work. the artist licks his lips and tucks the paintbrush behind his ear.                                                               josh brought sandwiches after all.              it was time for a break. he chuckled. josh had              a point. the living always win. even if it is very               very close. he laced his fingers together and              made himself comfortable.                                              “I do. Two brothers. Three sisters. All of                                              them younger and much more important                                              than me. They weren’t mistakes, see.” he shot josh a sideways glance and a  soft smile. of course he is bitter about it. he always will be. but he tries not to let that ruin the mood. 

[mosaaic-blog]

Both of them had the tendency to lace the simplest answers with past pain. With slight sneak peeks into memories that haunted them. 

          “Leo...”

He starts, soft, quiet and then takes a deep breath.

          “You weren’t a mistake, and you aren’t.            I am glad I met you and you are            important to me.”

He speaks the truth, and it is visible in the way his lips again smiled softly, how his blue eyes looked directly at the artist.

Sitting together and drinking tea, the other sketching all night in Josh’s small house, their chats, the other’s quirks. It all had become part of his everyday life, so much he hoped Leo would never be done with painting the place.

[maestrodartea]

                    “I am, yes.” it wouldn’t be a church without a picture of christ, would it? leo set the brush down and crossed his legs. a soft smile touched his lips.                                                                  “She sounds…. Lovely.”            he knew it was a hard subject, and he            wanted josh to know that he was there            for him. there to listen. to talk.                                        leo wasn’t going to press. instead he turned                                       his attention to his half-finished painting.  “Mhn. I could give Michelangelo       a run for his money, I think.”                         a tease, of course. leonardo didn’t like to                         compare himself to artisans of the past.

[mosaaic-blog]

He smiled softly, shy and a bit lost in memories.

          “She was... I’d not be here today without her.”

He didn’t know if he would have killed himself, but without her, he hadn’t known any good in the world. Any light, any love. And then, he was certain about that, he’d ended up as an even worse monster than he had been.

And then he is pulled back into the present again, closed lip smile turning into a toothy one, bright as a soft laugh followed.

          “True... especially since he is dead. The             living always win.”

He too looked at the paintings, and he was no expert, really, he just knew he loved Leo’s work. It felt vivid, alive... art was supposed to speak to one, and Leo’s did. In a good way.

          “Do you have siblings?”

He asked while refilling the cup with tea. 

[maestrodartea]

                   “Well. I don’t plan to injure them.” but he is quite good at giving massages. should josh need them. he chuckled, leaning back a little.                                                                   “Mmhn. I don’t blame her. While I am                                                                          not overly religious myself, I…                                                                           Can understand.”          he offered josh a smile.                                       “Did you cry too?”

[mosaaic-blog]

          “Good. I just meant because you were going to paint Christ, yes?”

He liked it, those talks in Leo’s breaks. The smell of paint that filled the small church and the sandwiches he brought the other to have lunch together. It was simple, small but somehow special to the priest.

          “I don’t think she was either, but many suffered from            the same torture and... she just got sad when she saw            someone hurt.”

He laughed softly before looking down. Talking about his sister still hurt, but he was glad someone listened, so she was a bit less in danger of disappearing entirely.

          “Not about that. No.”

There were other things he cried about.

[maestrodartea]

                 “I– - I was just thinking about…” a pause as he attempted to collect his thoughts.                                                       “The feet of Christ. How I will paint them…                                                                 Feet bend so many different ways.”

[mosaaic-blog]

          “Also horribly many nerve endings...            getting them injured hurts like hell...”

Joshua was talking from experience.

          “My sister used to cry whenever she            saw Christ on a cross because she            felt so bad for him. At least when she            was still really young.”

[maestrodartea]

               “The…. The foot is a masterpiece of engineering.” and a work of art at that, but he kept that too himself for the time being.

[mosaaic-blog]

          “I can’t say that’s wrong...            but what brought that thought up, right now?”

Sometimes it was difficult to keep track of Leo’s thoughts. But he enjoyed trying.

[mosaaic-archive-blog]

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒩𝒶𝒸𝒽𝓉𝓅𝒶𝓁𝒶𝒾𝓈

The Nachtpalais is where Josh works. At the first sight it looks like a normal rather expensive club, until one sees the strip poles and realizes that the place is also doubles as a brothel.  Most of the employees rather expensive, just as the liquor that is served, not just anyone is hired, and not just anyone is allowed to visit the place. It’s highly private. The place is owned by the Renards, an organized crime family and most of the employees are tied to them, which makes leaving difficult. But that’s a fact most guests do not know, or don’t care for. There are many different types of bedrooms in the second level of the building.

[maestrodartea]

leonardo pulls back almost reluctantly, hands settling on his arms for a moment. the touch. he shouldn’t have indulged himself. josh is a priest after all. and leonardo is touch-starved at best. it’s inappropriate, right? or… is that just him? whatever the case, he has to strongly resist the urge to kiss both cheeks and be done with it. not everyone likes such blatant displays of  attention.                                                    he inhales slowly and attempts to ground                                                    himself, somewhat. this is not just about him.                                                    he has to remember that.              “I’m sorry.”                                                                 a final apology. he should do better. he                                                                 has to be better. for josh.                             “I will– - I’m… Let’s just… I guess. Put this behind us.”            it’s not a pleasant topic anyway. he flexes            his stiff fingers and offers a soft smile.                                                    “Thank you.” for. everything as far as leonardo was concerned. taking care of him. reprimanding him. giving him a second chance. he  doesn’t get those very often.                         “You…. You want me to make some tea?”

[mosaaic-blog]

The way his whole body felt like it was tingling made Josh realize that he too missed the contact. Real contact, not only shaking hands. But the kind of physical closeness he had known for at least half his life. The kind he had been addicted to... and he wasn’t sure if the fastened rhythm of his heart had to do with said old addiction or... Leo.

But it was a horrifying thought, that he might easily fall back into an old lifestyle. One he had tried to escape from for so long.

         “Ah! ... yes... of course...”

It was only the last suggestion that pulled him out of his thoughts and made him walk to the kitchen isle of the large wall-less room.

          “Don’t move your hands too much, I know            it’s difficult for you but... they need their            time to heal.”

Joshua says while starting to prepare the tea and cups while the water was cooking. He knew Leo was someone that had a hard time to just sit still and not to fiddle with something. At least he appeared like that quite often.

           “Also... maybe you shouldn’t wander around             alone at night anymore... at least for a while.”

[violentson]

Verse; successor

[violentson]

    The kiss between his eyes might well have been a bullet, for how it felt. 18 would prefer the latter. Josh was right - he always was - and made 18 realise that, yes, maybe he was being a little rash. It was nice to slow down like this and hold Josh’s hands, just to be calm and safe for now. Never mind anything they had to do later, or anything they should (or shouldn’t) be doing at the moment. Fuck the world and let it burn for all 18 cared. The moment was where he wanted to be. 

    “Didn’t mean to wake you up,” he mumbled, standing with Josh and taking a few steps backwards.

    It was like a dance. A slow, clumsy, exhausted dance, with 18 awkwardly tugging Josh out of the kitchen. He considered the sofa, but didn’t think that would be comfortable and he didn’t want Josh to be woken up by his midnight pacing at all. 

    The only other option, one in which he didn’t have to let go of Josh’s hand, was the bed, and he knew exactly the kind of anxiety that would cause. 

    It had been only earlier that his mother had spat the word ‘cocksucker’ directly into his face, and even earlier than that she had coloured him with all sorts of creative variations thereof. He thought about it sometimes, and he might even surprise Josh with the amount of thought he’d devoted to it, but he tended to come to the conclusion that their friendship was something different, something pure, and nobody seemed to really understand. 

    Josh was the only person who understood. 

    18 squeezed his hand and pulled him towards the bedroom. Loane was right. He had to stop feeling sorry for himself. 

    At the door frame, he stopped. “This isn’t weird, right?” he asked quietly, his aching hand in Josh’s longing to curl into a fist. “This is okay.” 

[mosaaic-blog]

Joshua was no idiot, the opposite of it. And he knew humans and their fragile pride. The lies they told themselves, the image they tried to portray and be. And so he knew, deep down, that 18 was not all that straight. That there was more in their lingering moments... but he knew that was what made it so fragile and dangerous. For Josh did not know what would happen if 18 ever realized. That no, this was not only friendship, not all that normal. And he wasn’t sure if what was behind that line they never stepped over either of them could find what they needed, or if it’d just rip them apart entirely. 

And so he chose to keep it as it was, never trying to make 18 realize himself... and sometimes even getting anxious when the other became too forward. Like now, pulling Josh towards his bedroom, just after they had made that promise. The promise that’d tie them together for life and.... he needed to stop thinking, really fast. Or he’d start to get nervous like a bride entering the bedchamber for the first time. 

They had slept together before, many times. This was not different.

He clears his throat to calm himself.

“Why should it be weird? We shared beds, couches, and corners since we were kids.”

And his voice sounds honest, maybe because he was speaking the truth. Maybe because no way this could be taken would be weird for Josh.

“Of course it is. If this is about your mum... you realize she is the one with the screwed up world view, yes?”

And Josh could only guess how screwed up... neither ever talked about some experiences.

[emilybuttrickards]

#very important asset we got here

[mosaaic-blog]

5 Cute Things My Muse Does

Exactly what it says on the tin! Do not reblog. Repost and tell your followers five cute facts about your muse then tag five people to see what cute things their muses do!

When he really, really honestly smiles his eyes light up and he looks 10 years or more younger. The Little boy that’s just so happy and amazed!

He loves nuzzling his face into the neck/shoulder/hands of people he loves.

He makes stupid researches on google to figure out how to be a “normal person”

Owns like 60 different hoodies but only wears them at home

Sings theme songs and disney songs when they play in movies or the radio

Tagged by: No one found at @sidestuiff Tagging: @caporegiime @mentisvolatus @besosdelamuerte

[maestrodartea]

josh is asking him not to leave. leo can hear him and he stops, of course he does. because josh asked him to. and he moves to put his head against the door, a defeated little sigh leaving his lips. josh says that just because he was angry doesn’t mean he hates him. doesn’t mean he doesn’t like him. but all he’s ever been taught is that anger leads to  hate and resentment. people, he’s come to see, are not quite so black and white. there is grey. there is anger without hate.                                                            he knows this. he KNOWS and he still falls                                                           into ruts. ruts of inconsiderate, harsh words                                                           that lead to anger.            short-tempered. what’s what josh called him.           and he was right. leo knew he was right. anger           found him quicker than anything else. injustice           did not sit well in his stomach.                                             leonardo swallows hard and presses his cheek                                            into josh’s hand, letting him tip his face to catch                                            his eye.     “I know– - I know you can understand– -          I’m sorry. I didn’t mean– - I haven’t got          a lot going for me right now… This is…          This is really it, you know?”                                      and he almost blew it. leonardo lets out a                                      long sigh and turns from the door to embrace                                      josh. he’d paint the best fucking murals that                                      church (or any other) had ever seen.  they make a great team, that’s  what josh said. and leo believes it. even if it’s hard sometimes.                           “You know I don’t think– - Right? You know                           that I… I’m sorry. You’re the best thing that                           ever happened to me, Joshua. You deserve                           better treatment than that.”        he’ll have to curb the temper. josh doesn’t        deserve the lashings of his tongue.

[mosaaic-blog]

It was weird... not in a bad way, but weird to Joshua to look up to someone in height. He wasn’t small himself, usually, people needed to look up to him, but being so close to Leo it was the opposite. And Josh couldn’t categorize it if it made him flustered or frustrated.

And both those feelings reached a peak when suddenly the other’s arms wrapped around him in an embrace. Leaving the priest wide-eyed and startled. He wasn’t used to this, not at all... or rather not anymore. 

          “I know, I know... sssh.” 

He finally says arms placed around the other, slightly awkward since he isn’t exactly sure how to categorize this. Not how to interpret the other’s confession. How was it possible that HE was the best thing that ever happened to someone? It made no sense! None at all. He’d have an easier time to believe that there were flying pigs out there controlling Washington.

          “I’m... I... no it’s okay. I am used to much            worse, and you apologized, that’s a lot.            So don’t beat yourself up too much...            just.... next time, try talking to me, okay?”

He felt like a fish out of the water, his voice sounding everything but confident. Rather nervous or even flustered. Trying to focus on the important topic at hand and not... weird nonsensical ramblings. Like him being anything more than just useful.

[nyssaalghuls]

Social Media + Joshua Bishop ( @mosaaic ) 

[besosdelamuerte]

Lover Meet Husband | Josh + Sal

[besosdelamuerte]

Sal hadn’t expected the pang of guilt that came with Josh’s response. Denial of his claim to ugliness? That he had expected. Josh seemed to think he was passably good looking, and usually, Sal wouldn’t have disagreed. But the way his face had taken to bruising had made interacting with people these last few days more than a bit difficult, both because Sal was incredibly self conscious and because no one really wanted to be served by a bartender who looked like he’d stopped a bar fight with his face.

Still… guilt. He hated the feeling. Usually, only a few people could make him feel it – three, in fact – but it seemed as if that number had inexplicably increased by one. Four. Four people in the world who could make him feel like the absolute scum of the earth. That was too many. A few months ago, he’d resembled the iceberg that had doomed the Titanic – frozen, unmoving, and underestimated in a way that usually led to lives lost. Now, though, he was thawing, melting into a pathetic puddle of water, all because a beautiful man with sad eyes had smiled at him. It was disgusting… disappointing. His long dead father was probably rolling in his grave at the thought of how irresponsible his son had become.

And he had promised to take the man in question on a comic haul. Irresponsibility squared. Especially since he still had no idea who his assailant was or where the man had come from. The last thing he needed was a repeat of the park incident. So, no. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Josh. He just didn’t want him in pain on account of someone Sal knew, or someone who knew Sal, in this case. But that wasn’t something that Sal could explain. Not really. So, he’d opt for the truth, or a version of the truth:

[text] i opened the door w my face now im scarred and bruised. not a pretty sight, i promise.

[mosaaic-blog]

Josh frowned at the message he had received. In a way, it made sense. Sal had the tendency to be horribly clumsy and usually Josh found that to be very endearing. But still... he had a hard time to imagine the younger to walk into a door hard enough to leave him bruised. It was one of those excuses that he had used in the past. When he had been a child, when the foster father that usually only hit his body by mistake struck his face, which was not as easy to hide.

But he didn’t want to pry. Was scared that’d rather make Sal close off more again. And he enjoyed it that they were both slowly opening up to each other.

[text] You could look like that Pool Guy under his mask and you’d still be the cutest to me.

He had tried to do comic research, wanted to understand better what Sal was talking about and maybe also talking with him. But there were so many, and he had looked them up in a chaotic order that he could only half remember their names and background. But hey, he had tried.

[text] I am offended that you think I only want to see your for your face...