moth/bee/bumblebee

CW: this blog will mention trauma, abuse, and mental illness Often. I also answer to moss, mish, ruin. he/she

[moth-thought-trove]

in math class rn and all I can think about is . please I am just a little creachuer I need to be released into the forest or given a tiny little hamster friendly muffin to monch on. I do not wish to be doing math and using critical thinking .......... please I just want to be small and fuzzy

[moth-thought-trove]

neurotypicals will never understand the high of finding a new hyperfixation and not thinking ab anything else for two weeks straight.

[mallodrama]

[moth-thought-trove]

(lays down in the water) bathtime for the me

[moth-thought-trove]

you joke about being a catboy ONCE and your best friend immediately fucking . (cocks gun) oh?

[moth-thought-trove]

currently reading We Hunt The Flame 👁️👁️ it's really good and I'm wondering how the entire rest of the plot is gonna be resolved in 200~ pgs.....

[moth-thought-trove]

growing up is realizing that nothing is as clear cut as you want it to be and trying to accept that even tho you'd really prefer it if it was. and the sad part is how many people never get to this stage

[moth-thought-trove]

god I hate society so much I hate it so fucking much I'm talking to a friend from elementary school who was just the most energetic animated passionate person ever and now struggles to talk about herself because she's been made to feel like she's too much for so many reasons and I fucking HATE society . god

[moth-thought-trove]

the third culture kid feeling of "oh my god I've been away from my home country - can I even consider it that? except legally?? - for so long, oh my god I'm forgetting the language, oh my god I remember next to nothing, (collapses in tears)" and then the next day you talk to your friends and they're like "lmao what the FUCK are you on?? why would u eat lunch at 6pm?? pls what is that expression. yeah girl the carnivorous sink is real are u ok?? no we don't spit on our babies what???"

[moth-thought-trove]

in bed in mild agony rn because I went shopping for two hours. girl help I'm stuck in the washing machine

[moth-thought-trove]

really bitter today!! can't help but think about how when I tried adderall and the side effects hadn't kicked in yet I was ZOOMING I was FLYING I was EFFICIENT and ORGANIZED and FOCUSED and DRIVEN and NEUROTYPICALS GET THIS SHIT FOR FREE. IM SO FUCKING PISSED AT THAT.

I have to struggle to get up and drink some water which is literally necessary for survival but my brain still goes "eh that's too far, we'll do it later" and there's nothing I can do about it!!! meanwhile normal people can just. get up. they just get up and do the things they need to do without feeling like they're being weighed down by three stubborn elephants. it's so fucking frustrating and unfair. I thought it was my fault for my entire fucking life and that I was just selfish and lazy!! I had to grow up struggling to fucking breathe while they got to have energy for whatever they needed. I'm managing to struggle through classes right now and I'm trying different meds over and over again but after school I have very little energy for my own projects and I feel so useless and exhausted and it makes me want to cry because it's Not Fucking Fair.

[yaoihands]

Guys please reply to this with what your url means or references I’m really curious

[moth-thought-trove]

my control issues vs my mom's unpredictable moods and paranoia that I want to report her to the cps again, FIGHT

[moth-thought-trove]

just found out how much normal people eat every meal. who has the time OR the energy to make like ??? four separate things??? for BREAKFAST??? WHAT THE FUCK AND WHERE CAN I GET SOME

[beepbopboopop]

My therapist keeps reminding me that if I didn’t need a certain mobility aid it wouldn’t help me.

It seems so simple but all my brain seems to think is “you don’t need it.”

[moth-thought-trove]

sometimes I catch myself wishing I had a wheelchair, and then I feel bad because i know it's very hard for people who Actually Need™ them to get one, but it just hit me that this difficulty is artificially created and that the reason I wish I had a wheelchair is that I would legitimately benefit from having one. I have common bouts of lightheadedness, I have chronic pain in my back and legs that flares up whenever I stand or walk for too long (read: more than three minutes). mostly tho it hit me that abled people don't consider a wheelchair an upgrade

[moth-thought-trove]

for a long time my friendships suffered bc I was terrified of being annoying and getting lashed out at while simultaneously being kinda a dick, on accident. and it just clicked that thats just .... how I grew up. because in my family you didn't do things to not hurt people, you did things because you were told and because you were afraid of the consequences of not doing them.