Are you willing to do this with me. (Part 1/2) - [Us.]
Relationship: Sami/Jey (SamiJey)
Rating: Teens and up —light angst, feelings, making up, kissing, happy ending
Summary: Sami and Jey talk about their feelings and try and come to some sort of understanding.
Word count: 2,299
A/N: This is Part 1 of 2. [Part 2 is EXPLICIT]. This is my first attempt at writing a Fic ever. So I'm sorry it's bad haha but it was fun writing! So hope you enjoy it. 🩷 - comments/feedback would be appreciated, just to gauge how good OR BAD this is. Thanks!
“I don’t know what you want from me,” he says, shaking his head slightly exasperated. He doesn’t know why Jey is making this so difficult. Sami feels like he is the only one fighting for them and the only one who wants this. ‘Does Jey even care or want me the way I want him?’ he thinks somewhat bitterly and it's making him sick to even think it’s a possibility. So, he quickly shoves it out of his head.
“I guess I expected something from you, something that was, a little more. But I guess that's on me, huh." He pauses, but doesn't wait for Jey to respond before continuing. "Do you really not want this? Was I... Am I just making it all up?” Again he doesn't really wait for an answer, shaking his head in frustration he continues. “You finally admitted you wanted me, that you would try, that what everyone else said and thought didn't matter anymore.”
“I know that,” Jey admits, wishing it didn’t come out sounding so weighted with guilt, so weak and pathetic.
Sami isn’t letting up though, he's hurt and he's finding it hard to keep this up any longer; whatever game they keep playing. “Yea, you do Jey! You do know that, yet you keep playing me around, you say one thing and do another. You keep running away. Do you really not want to be with me?” asks Sami, he knows he sounds hurt but he can’t help it.
"Look, unless you been in my position, you ain't gotta come at me like this, okay?” Jey replies agitated, raising his voice despite himself, he feels defensive hearing the hurt in Sami’s voice, knowing that he caused it, so he attacks; sticking to what he knows best. Because suddenly all he is thinking of is everyone's reaction; his family's, what they are going to say and do if they ever find out, he is afraid. The thought being so vivid and upsetting, he can almost taste the bile rising up the back of his throat. He struggles but manages to force out, "You donno what it's like. To have to answer to family, to have a certain imagine 'n responsibility you gotta bear. Constantly wonderin' how to impress ‘em, to be exactly what they expect you to be. To be more than the expectations."
Sami understands that, after all, he's spent so much time with the 'family', he's seen it firsthand and can't argue, so even though he hates it, and hates that he understands it, he truly does. So, Sami can do nothing but utter in defeat, "Right, this isn't going to work is it? I'd rather you just come out and say you don't really want this, put me out of my misery already. I can't do this anymore.”
“That’s not fair,” Jey protests, softer, sounding weak even to his own ears.
“Oh? It’s not? So, what is fair then, Jey? Please, tell me."
"I donno!" Jey almost yells again, roughing up his hair and tugging at it, then dropping his hands and turning them upward in defeat. "I donno, okay?" he breathes out.
"Please Sami, what do I gotta do? I donno know no more. Just tell me what to do, Sami. I'll do it."
The words hanging between them, almost shocking and just right to stamp out the burn of Sami's growing hurt and frustration. He feels the fire in him die all at once, the urge to yell, argue and fight, vanishing.
The instantaneous change must have shown in his face and body language because Jey immediately but tentatively takes a step closer to him. As though, if he didn’t physically get closer to Sami, he might loose his nerve and he wouldn’t have another chance again.
“I don' wanna loose you Sami,” he states, his tone softer, reaching out like he means to touch Sami, but stops short halfway, only to drop his hand back down. “I should’nve said all that and done all that. I knew it then, and I know it now. I should’ve just said how I really feel ‘bout you, ‘bout us. I donno why I keep makin’ mistakes and excuses. What I said, what I did, I din’ mean any of it. I really didn’, I was just scared." He doesn't stop for a breath and keeps going, afraid that if he pauses he might not continue again. "I don’ wanna to be that kind of person, I'm not that kind of person, I jus’, I was scared ‘n I was wrong, I….” But his pleading explanation finally cuts off when he sees Sami holding up his hand, stopping him short.
“Just stop. I...” Sami trails off. For someone who is never at a loss for words, he’s finding it hard to form the right words. It isn’t like him to hold a grudge for long, especially when it comes to the people he cares about and the people he loves. He is always more willing to forgive and forget, simply because it’s too tiring to hold onto something so heavy and in the end, it would be him that probably suffers more for it.
Spending his time nursing resentment or stewing in it, he's learnt is futile. And everything that has happened between him and Jey, to be honest, all of the reasons seem small and inconsequential in this moment. They are insubstantial and weak, and ephemeral when compared to the man standing in front of him, warm and solid, present and real. They could really have a chance and make something of this. They just had to try. And Sami is willing to take the first step.
He reaches out and gently touches the side of Jey's face. The younger man immediately turns his face leaning into the touch, and that's all it takes for Sami to fully give in.
He moves closer and envelops Jey into his arms. He presses his face into the younger man’s neck, breathing him in, and savoring the way his arms are wrapped around him and holding Jey firmly to him.
“I really missed you Sami,” Jey croaks out the words, sounding muffled, pressed against Sami's hair. “I was afraid of bein’ with you but I was afraid of loosin’ you. I was afraid I’d miss out on ever feelin’ this way with you. I can't even explain what it's like when I’m with you. Just gotta be ‘round you... I can't stand thinkin’ I might’ve fucked this up. ’M sorry, I'm so sorry.”
The raw pain and emotion in his voice is too much for Sami.
“Don't, just stop okay, just….just stop.” He reluctantly pulls his head back, away from his spot at the younger man's tempting neck, a spot he really doesn't want to leave right now, but he does, to get a better look at him. Searching his eyes for something, and what he's trying to find Sami himself isn't sure of, but suddenly, he sees it and Sami knows he’s found it, and the next thing he does is lean forward once again to gently press his lips against Jey's. With just enough pressure to know it is a kiss, light and innocent, but heavy with a promise of so much more. It’s a reassuring pressure; an assurance that Jey has him.
Not confident that words alone will be enough to convince Jey, Sami wants to show him. Show him just how much he means to him, how much he loves him, for Jey to trust him and to show the Samoan that this is all worth it. Sami doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t want to listen, and he certainly doesn’t want to go around in circles anymore. He just wants to feel Jey and let Jey feel him. He wants Jey against his own body, to kiss him, and touch him and to just be with him.
He wants to show Jey just what the future can really be like for them.
Sami softly cups the sides of Jey's face in his hands and closes the distance between them once again. Kissing him delicately at first, but soon a little harder with a hint of desperation, like he is still trying to plead his case.
But Sami doesn’t have to plead for long, he can taste the Samoan's apology and want in each soft, tentative kiss, and tilts his head to accept them with parted lips. He can feel the heat starting to build between them and pulls him even closer.
Out of breath they pull apart for air. Jey wants more, and going by Sami's actions, so does he. So Jey pulls of his jacket, starting to lift up his shirt too. And Sami doesn’t bother to pretend his eyes aren't fixated on his hands as they work; and on the naked skin that is slowly and painfully being revealed.
“I came here to talk you know, not because I was trying to fuck you,” Sami forces out, hating that he is inturrupting the mesmerising view his eyes are witnessing right now. He's also surprised, and quite pleased with himself for being able to form any kind of meaningfully strung together words at the moment, his mouth being so dry and his heart beating a hundred miles an hour. But, he has to get this out before they go any further, he needs Jey to know that his intentions are pure. Don't get him wrong, he definitely wants this, but his main intention was always to focus on working things out between them. And if something more happened, that was a welcoming bonus.
That didn't deter Jey one bit, in fact the way that statement from the older man is worded —"fuck you"; lights a fire in Jey. "I know. But, are youu sayin’ no to this then?" questions Jey, giving Sami a coy smile and a sultry tilt of his hips. Knowing fully well what it is doing to Sami, going by the growing reaction he is noticing in Sami's pants and the sneaking suspicion that Sami might appreciate the sight of his hips. He’s noticed the way Sami eyes his waist when he wears his crop tops, it gives him a thrill every time he feels those eyes on him, burning his skin and making him feel like he is on fire. He is addicted to Sami’s attention and he revels in it. To the point where he starts wearing those ridiculous tops more often than not. Anything to keep Sami’s attention on him.
It takes a minute to steady his breathing, but Sami manages, and he exhales. "No. Yes. I mean no." Letting out a frustrated sigh, he tries again. "What I mean is, I'm not saying no." You can't exactly blame him he thinks, for getting tongue tied when he's got Jey's tattooed naked torso and hips enticing him this way. And he vaguely wonders how he's going to react when he finally sees the younger Samoan fully naked.
Before he can think on it anymore, Jey closes the remaining distance between them, grabs the back of his neck and pulls him in, for a kiss so raw it drives that and all other thoughts out of his head.
Nothing matters right now except the feeling of Jey's tongue in his mouth and the warm calloused hands that are slowly creeping under his shirt; nothing but his own hardness straining against his pants and the growl that rumbles from Jey's throat at being challenged by Sami's own tongue.
Nothing, but—
Jey reluctantly pulls away panting. “Sorry I, uh, just hijacked your lips there aye. Is....is this okay?”
Sami gives a disbelieving snort, “I should be the one asking you that. In case you haven't already noticed", he continues, pointing down to his groin, "This is more than okay.”
“Oh, okay, I mean—If you're okay. With what we doin’—us—doin’ this—”
“Jey.”
Jey stops and looks at Sami, and all of a sudden comes to the realization that he's never going to be able to go back to pretending the lovable ginger was nothing more than a friend, or someone he worked with, not when he now knows the flavor of Sami's mouth.
He searches Sami's face, and all he can see is love in his eyes, no trace of doubt. He can also feel proof of Sami's desire matching his own against his thigh. But he’s also seeing the searching expression on Sami's face fixed on his own. His eyes scanning Jey looking for any signs of, Jey assumes, his own doubt and reluctance.
So Jey holds Sami's gaze, and slowly leans in, brushing a light, tentative kiss across his lips. Sami's lips are chapped but soft and receptive, and his mouth opens up instantly and Jey licks his way inside.
Sami let's out a low moan from deep inside, eagerly swiping his tongue against Jey's. He allows Jey to take over the kiss, savoring it and his toes curling as he pushes the younger man towards the bedroom, sliding both hands up and down his tattooed skin as they move, trying to feel every inch that's exposed.
Jey shudders and continues to be guided along. Sami is taking over after that, dragging Jey along to his bedroom with more intention than before. The room is equally as big and spacious as the rest of the hotel suite, Sami knows Jey is used to the best so he isn’t all too surprised, seems like old habits die hard. But Sami is too distracted to fully appreciate it. All his focus is on Jey and the perfectly sized bed in front of them waiting to be used.
When they get close enough to the bed, he turns and pushes Jey onto the mattress.....
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