Realistically, today had been a good day. Most of Lena's technology worked perfectly, and any tweaks she needed to make went smoothly. Nia had bought her coffee. At a private moment around noon, Kara had kissed her cheek before flying off to do rounds on the city.
Lena, however, stands in the hallway of Kara’s apartment building wishing she could punch a hole or twelve into the drywall. Her keys - including the spare key to the loft that she had been given - fall out of her hand to the floor, and she feels the tension in her chest build.
It takes an eternal four seconds to pick them up, unlock the door, and step inside.
Kara stands by her kitchen sink, sipping from her purple water bottle. “Hi, baby.”
There is no will to look over and smile in response. Lena drops her purse on the floor and trudges straight to the bed. She falls face-first into it, feet dangling in the air.
All the blankets and abandoned clothes from this morning smell familiar. Lemon and woodsmoke – Kara. Lena likes to joke that the woodsmoke smell is because she flies so fast she burns up.
She can feel the furrow in her eyebrows, and what's worse is that she has no idea why it's there. It was a good day. She didn't even have to make a pit stop at Luthor Corp to put out any fires. There's nothing wrong.
The lack of explanation for her frustration makes her even more frustrated.
“Hey.” The mattress dips as Kara sits down. “Rough day?”
“No,” Lena says into blankets, suddenly near tears. She rolls over onto her back. “That's the thing, it was good. So why am I in meltdown territory?”
Kara’s hand is in her hair – soothing, home, safety. “I’m sorry. Let me help you?”
Lena nods, toeing off her shoes. They clatter to the floor. Kara offers her hands and pulls her into a sitting position. She helps Lena out of her day clothes and expertly offers the right pajamas. Good texture, good match, good breathability.
It takes a moment for her to start pulling them on as she prepares to go from stationary to in motion. The clean air surrounding her body after she changes helps to lessen the dread in her shoulders. Kara knows the little details to make her comfortable - hood up over her head, a fresh pair of socks. Once dressed, Lena flops over onto her side and curls up tight.
Kara leans over to kiss her head. She draws the curtains. The room becomes dark, and Lena feels her eyebrows relax. It’s a warm summer day outside, and the sun has made its presence clear. The darkness now dampening her vision offers peace.
“Do you want me around?” Kara asks, voice soft.
“Yes, please.” Lena sounds childlike. Her voice is fragile, muffled under her hands.
“Okay, scooch. Make room.”
Lena falls limp as a smile ghosts her face.
“Wow. Okay.” Kara heaves a dramatic sigh.
She feels Kara’s arms snake under her body. For a moment, she’s weightless, and then she’s gently set a foot or two over from where she was before. The mattress bounces again as Kara settles.
Lena reaches behind her to pull Kara's arm over her stomach and takes a deep breath.
“Good girl,” Kara says innocently.
“The deep breath. Proud of you.”
Lena’s body feels warm with love. “Thanks.”
The conversation lulls. Lena keeps breathing. Cool air keeps her temperature regulated under a hoodie and Kara’s body. Tension still weighs in her chest, but the accommodations matter. Kara doesn't even ask what she needs, she just knows. Lena barely has to move. She's surrounded by so much love.
“I wish I knew what was wrong.” she says into silence.
Kara hums, sounding sleepy and content.
“Like, nothing bad happened. I had a good day. Why do I feel like I want to implode?”
“You’re autistic, love.” Kara slips her hand beneath Lena’s hoodie to hold her tummy. “That happens. Sometimes there's no answer. I know you don't like that, I’m sorry.”
Lena hates how whiny she sounds. “But I want an answer! I want something to fix.”
She sighs, then rolls over into Kara’s embrace. Having nothing to blame makes the situation feel unresolved. Agitation swirls in her gut, but she knows there's nothing to be done. Sometimes there are just days where the world is too much.
“Too much world.” Lena mumbles.
Kara puts a hand in her hair. “I know. I’m sorry. I love you.”
As much as the lack of answer makes things unfinished, the hoodie helps. Having the hood up helps. She has clean socks and a dark room. Her girlfriend loves her, and is warm and solid against her.
Despite it all, she's loved. And that’s important too.
"Thank you." she whispers into darkness.
Kara scratches gently at her scalp. "Always, baby."
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