pensieve

I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be. This is where I post random thoughts/musings on life. You can check out some of my other blogs linked below.

[moyru]

It’s been a while since I really posted here. I was revisiting some of my older posts and it was honestly a little hard and kind of cringey. I was such a different person in my late teens and early 20s. I can’t believe some of the stuff I wrote. I’ve learned and grown so much since then.

Sometimes I think about deleting it all and starting over, but at the same time, it’s kind of like a time capsule that I weirdly want to hold onto.

[owlwomantarot]

I feel like in this day and age this is super important to remember. Grow at your own pace.

[moyru]

I want to get back into blogging

but at the same time, it seems like so much time and effort? 

[moyru]

You are like a tornado

You tear everything apart

Until there is nothing left

But shattered remnants

A reminder of what used to be

[lvd2]

[moyru]

I needed to hear this today. 

[arterialtrees]

[gnarhh]

Being sensitive sucks. It means you take everything personally, overanalyse every situation and conversation; subconsciously manipulating it to be something it’s not. It means you absorb the energy of others around you. It means your feelings are hurt easily. It means you feel everything deeply, and it can suck. But we forget that feeling deeply isn’t always such a bad thing; it gives you the ability to empathise and love authentically, and there is such beauty in that. It is often that the best of lovers are the sensitive ones. They adore you, they think about you, they consider you, they care for you, they admire and support you; simply because they really, truly, deeply love you.

[always-wandering-never-home]

It me.

[moyru]

Omg this is me.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

10 Ways to Deal with Negative Feelings

1. Write about the things that are getting you down.

2. Go for a walk, or exercise.

3. Do something creative.

4. Listen to your favourite music.

5. Make a list of the things you’re thankful for.

6. Take a break from your phone and social media.

7. Do something kind for yourself.

8. Do something kind for someone else.

9. Watch a funny movie.

10. Remind yourself that feelings are temporary.

[lilcowgirl7-deactivated20210223]

“Love is a force, but is sometimes called a feeling. When we imagine that love is a feeling, we may be disappointed because we notice that we cannot keep any feeling up and running all the time. A feeling is an intense, immediate, sensate/physical experience. Feelings have a beginning, a middle, and an end; love is ongoing. Feelings are responses to specific stimuli; love is the stimulus and response at the same time. Love can be a state of being, a fond sentiment, an ongoing bond. All of these have an enduring quality. Thus, love, since it lasts beyond its instances of expression, includes and happens with feelings rather than is one.”

— David Richo, from “How to Be An Adult In Love”

[moyru]

I can't handle these pressures; all I can say is this stress hurts Things are supposed to get better I just need to put myself first I'm always trying my hardest not to pick myself apart This energy's killin' my vibes now Sometimes I just wanna to drown out All of the thoughts in my mind Too much going on at the same time I wish it would stop and I've tried but Life just sucks then we all die That's just reality, yeah, don't lie to me Yeah I'm fucked up but I don't wanna be I wonder if I'm good enough But maybe I've had just too much To drink, to smoke, to swallow I'm drowning up my sorrows There's rules I'll never follow Pretend there's no tomorrow I wish there was no tomorrow But I'm empty inside, yeah I'm empty inside And I don't wanna live, but I'm too scared to die Yeah I'm empty inside, I just don't feel alive And I don't wanna live, but I'm too scared to die

Wish I could erase my memories, so I could stop feeling so empty I wish that shit wasn't so tempting But it's hard to resist when there's plenty of things I could do to fuck me up I want to let go, but I'm feeling so stuck So all I can do is fill up my cup And sit here alone hoping no one disrupts That's just reality, yeah, don't lie to me Yeah I'm fucked up but I don't wanna be I wonder if I'm good enough But maybe I've had just too much To drink, to smoke, to swallow I'm drowning up my sorrows There's rules I'll never follow Pretend there's no tomorrow I wish there was no tomorrow But I'm empty inside, yeah I'm empty inside And I don't wanna live, but I'm too scared to die Yeah I'm empty inside, I just don't feel alive And I don't wanna live, but I'm too scared to die My body's shaking My head is aching It feels like my heart is breaking My body's shaking My head is aching I can't fix this mess I'm making But I'm empty inside, yeah I'm empty inside And I don't wanna live, but I'm too scared to die Yeah I'm empty inside, I just don't feel alive And I don't wanna live, but I'm too scared to die

[moyru]

You are my best friend and I love you, and I love you Yes I do

[moyru]

Sometimes I wish that it had been me instead of you

It destroys me to see you like this

A lost soul with vacant eyes

Searching for something to hold on to

While your whole world falls apart

You never deserved any of this

I’m so sorry

[moyru]

Monster

I try to run

I try to hide

But it always catches up with me

I try to scream

I try to fight

But it devours me

I try to push

I try to breathe

But it’s too late

It’s too late

[moyru]

Sometimes it feels like my words fall empty

Like they’ve lost their meaning for you.

I don’t blame you.

I fucked up again.

You say it’s okay but it doesn’t feel okay.

You feel close but far.

Guarded almost.

I try to come closer but feel you keep me at a distance.

I don’t blame you.

I just wish I could go back.

I really do.

[moyru]

Sometimes I wonder if

We’ve hurt and broken each other so much to the point of no return.

Can we really forget and start over?

Can we really forgive and move on?

Sometimes it feels like we are alone with our secrets.

Sometimes it feels like we are pretending.

[moyru]

It's the children that I feel for, Yes, the children make me feel more, More than the liquor, more than the art, More than the Beach Boys records. It's the drink that gives us heartache, It's the charity we won't take, We feel so empty and our late twenties should be better times. It's the love and the truth and the hope and the faith, That will destroy us in the end. It's the look in the eyes of those one-night stands that gives us the will to pretend. It's the feeling of fucking the people that we're loving that spurs us onto endless sleepless nights, And love will destroy us in the end. There's not a thing that I can save from all those wasted, wasted days, And there's no faith that will ever save me from being faithful, And the damn phone never rings, And I would give up everything, For a little wine, some conversation And just for being healthy.

[lilireinhart]

I can’t seem to write perfect words

Or make them flow as they should.

They don’t sound particularly profound.

I can’t paint you pretty pictures. Or blend the colors like other artists do.

My watercolors don’t bleed beautifully.

But I can say I love you. In as many languages as you need me to.

I can be fluent in loving you.

LR