Untitled @mr--butlertron - Tumblr Blog

In retrospect, there were some unhealthy things that drove me to have sex, often violent and risky, with several dozen people and post all...

“In retrospect, there were some unhealthy things that drove me to have sex, often violent and risky, with several dozen people and post all about it on the public Internet. Also in retrospect, this turned out to be a really good plan that vastly improved my life.“

trilllizard666

social media is a cursed wish-granting object: you can make friends, professional contacts and even get a following and find jokes, art, comics, stories and whatever else you like geared to your interests and social circles but every day you use it you have to roll for a will save and every failure makes you progress in a metamorphosis into a hideous clown person by one step

and then if you’re not careful you wake up one day to find you’re a walking grotesque parody of a human and only communicate with people that enable the worst parts of yourself because literally nobody else wants anything to do with you

that’s a metamorphosis that kafka himself could only dream of

pervocracy

transjemder

Millennial culture is having two wildly different conversations with the same person on two different apps at the exact same time

poorlytimed-deactivated20190607

conversation 1: cheese borger

conversation 2: that’s why I think I’m so afraid of making myself vulnerable, because my father taught me I couldn’t ever truly trust anyone

mr--butlertron

or in the same chat thread...

pervocracy

i just hatched out of egg mode (ftm) and feel overwhelmed. a lot of questions about t and surgeries seem answered online but i can't find one thing and was wondering if you knew. for ftms who get bottom surgery with implant scrotoms, what happens if you have your period? is there still an area left for blood to come through?

T stops your periods, and bottom surgery is usually done after/with a hysterectomy. So periods won’t be happening at that point. Some surgeons will also leave a small opening behind the scrotum for drainage, whereas others will remove all your internal parts so it’s not an issue.

(Note: not an expert, haven’t had any of these procedures myself, this is just based off of reading.)

…Also, like, welcome! It is overwhelming, but it’s also tremendously liberating to finally be discovering yourself. Good luck with everything.

mr--butlertron

t doesn’t always completely stop your periods, fyi. i’ve been on it for over ten years and i still get spotting occasionally. it’s annoying.

sarahseeandersen

mr--butlertron

the thing i’ve been procrastinating on : weeding.

motherhenna

Ok so I was looking for historical slang terms for penis (gotta be era-accurate when writing vintage dick jokes) and I came across….something

some linguist compiled a literal timeline of genitalia slang–a cock compendium, if you will–that dates back all the way to the fucking 13th CENTURY. This motherfucker tracked the evolution of erection etymology through 800+ years, because if he doesn’t do it, who else will? Thank you for your service, Johnathon Green.

motherhenna

Some of my favorites include:

Shaft of Delight (1700s)

Womb Sweeper (1980s)

Master John Goodfellow (1890s)

Nimble-Wimble (1650s)

Corporal Love (1930s)

Staff of Life (1880s)

Spindle (1530s)

As good as ever twanged (1670s)

Gaying Instrument (1810s)

Beef Torpedo (1980s)

and last but not least, the first recorded use of the word Schlong, which was in 1865 CE. Tag yourself, I’m Nimble Wimble

motherhenna

And are the lovely ladies feeling left out? not to worry! Johnathon’s got you covered, gals, because he also made one for vaginas. Highlights:

Mrs. Fubb’s Parlor (1820s)

Poontang (1950s)

Spunk Box (1720s)

Ringerangroo (1930s)

Ineffable (1890s)

Itching Jenny (1890s)

Carnal Mantrap (1890s - a busy decade apparently)

Bookbinder’s Wife (1760s)

Rough Malkin (1530s)

Socket (1460s)

and a personal favorite, crinkum-crankum, circa approximately 1670.

theymightbegiantsquids

@antique-symbolism

jumpingjacktrash

this alone has justified the internet

brucesterling

malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20

A helpful guide to some common birds here in the western US

malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20

Here are a few more, for your birding needs:

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please allow me to thank you by giving you one in return

malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20

Thank you for your contribution to the birding community

Here is some more helpful identification knowledge of birbs

malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20

aeruh-deactivated20250615

for you

malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20

tattooedgoldenretriever

@jewishmagpie

lesbianrey

@lesbianahsoka here you go anya

original full audio

weaponsofclairvoyance

G0D

rymdunge

@dareandwriteitdown

diary-of-a-chinese-kid

This hotel reminds you to steal the toiletries!

slightlynaive

I work in hotels/resorts, and honestly, take the little shampoos and soaps! We throw them away when you leave (we don’t know if you’ve opened them and messed with them or whatever, so for health and safety it all goes in the trash) If you stay at the fancier places or chains, they’ve actually done some bit of thought into the scents for the toiletries, in that if you use them while at home you’ll remember the time you stayed at the hotel and be more likely to return. Just don’t take the towels or the robes or any of that shit, it’s expensive.

chiiri-h

This is true, all soaps, shampoos, and the like are tossed after a guest checks out of the hotel even if it’s clearly unopened because it is considered a health hazard violation in most places if they’re left there. If someone were to somehow get sick from it, a hotel can be shut down. Just take the toiletries, they’re ordered in bulk as is and only cost the hotel a few dollars to order them by the hundreds

trilliath

And even if you don’t use them, you can donate them to your local homeless shelter or other similar charity and give someone something they could use that would otherwise go to waste.

deactivated-this-account-deacti

PLEASE TAKE THE SOAPS. PLEASE DONATE THE SOAPS. It’s one of the biggest requests shelters/supply banks get. You want to make their fucking day? Show up with socks, undies, diapers, and toiletries.

youbestnotmiss

And here I am not taking them to avoid being wasteful.

scifinut

And here I was not wanting to steal things from the hotels. The more you know.

mr--butlertron

attn @hodgman re : this year’s bonus episode!

thismighthurt

FREE printable file for postcards to write your representatives. Calling is a much more effective method than writing but every bit counts, especially for those who are better spoken in written words or those who suffer from heavy phone anxiety.

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Go to this link and download pdf

2. Print DOUBLE SIDED (short edge binding) on 8.5 x 11 CARDSTOCK. If you wish to mail these as postcards you MUST print them on heavy cardstock so they will hold up in the mail. If you do not have cardstock protect each card in an envelope.

3. Cut out postcards. Each print contains for postcards, so cut printout in half and then cut in half again. There is a template for cutting in the listing images that you can use for reference.

4. Address and stamp. Write your local representatives about issues that you care about. Make sure to only write to your representatives, and include your zip code so that they know you are in their constituency.

pervocracy

Man, LiveJournal had it all. Threaded comment sections! Friends-only posts! Community blogs! Multiple user icons! A “read more” function that wasn’t completely broken all the time! Little cat icons expressing your “mood” at every given moment!

Threaded comment sections!

We didn’t know how good we had it.

orriculum

Meme culture is surreal, we’re slowly moving towards that one episode of star trek next gen where everyone speaks in literary references

silverletomi-deactivated2018121

Damn Dan and Datboi at Thanks I Hate It

orriculum

Why-Are-You-Booing-Me, His Arms Wide

mylovelylittleobsessions

I give you a hamburger, his eyes downcast

orriculum

loss.jpg, when the walls fell,,

glumshoe

Darmok, an intellectual

jessfromonline

Passover Gothic

The grocery store in the goyish neighborhood is overflowing with matzah. Every shelf is full of matzah. There is matzah spilling out of the front door. You ask to buy the matzah. The cashier does not know what matzah is. You gesture towards the shelves, but they stare on, unseeing, and ask you to please finish your transaction.

Your child takes the candle, the feather, and the spoon from your hand. You have not yet lit the candle, but it is glowing anyway. They locate the crumbs with uncanny speed, but they are not where you placed them. Nothing is where you placed it. You just finished cleaning, but the entire house has rearranged itself.

The youngest child begins to sing the Four Questions. As she opens her mouth, the voice of your oldest child rings out. Your oldest child is an adult and hosting her own seder in Queens. No one else notices.

You begin to pour out wine for the plagues. “Dam”, you say. The smell of iron is in the air. All of your guests are staring straight ahead, unblinking, chanting “Dam” repeatedly under their breath. There are no other plagues. There is only blood.

You’re on the third verse of Dayenu. The fifth. The twelfth. The nineteenth? Does Dayenu have this many verses? Have you restarted? It keeps getting faster. You can’t understand the words anymore, but the children continue, their mouths moving at inhuman speed. You speak to tell them that this is enough, but the only word that comes out is “dayenu”. You cannot stop them.

You open the door to let in Elijah. You return to the cup, and it is empty. A smile spreads across your face. The time of the Messiah is upon us. You open your mouth to sing Siman Tov. The words come out backwards, and the cup begins to fill with wine.

The search for the afikomen begins. Quickly, your oldest child returns with half the middle matzah. Then your middle child. Then your youngest child. Each piece is identical, and all the boxes of matzah were empty. Each child demands the sum total of the reward. You look on helplessly.

The Hebrew on the back of the box of macaroons says they are pareve. The English states they are not kosher for Passover. You read them again. The Hebrew on the back of the box of macaroons says they are not kosher for Pesach. The English states they are pareve. You place the macaroons back on the shelf.

Day five of Passover. It feels as if you have not eaten chametz in years. You long for the taste of bread. You go to sleep, praying the days to pass quickly. You wake up. It is day five of Passover.

enoughtohold

i think everyone falls for propaganda sometimes, it’s pretty unavoidable but as a general rule if you think you’re immune to it you’re probably especially likely to fall for it, because identifying it generally requires concerted effort, not just passive instinct.