Welcome To My Mind

[questionablehumor]

[perfectfeelings]

“Healing is layers. Healing is time. Healing is excruciating. Once you think it’s done, it’s not.”

— Mary DeMuth

[perfectfeelings]

“Never wish them pain. That’s not who you are. If they caused you pain they must have pain inside. Wish them healing.”

— Najwa Zebian

[trouts---posts]

[mr-chingas]

I stumbled on this song today. I remembered you loved listening to Jim Boyd. I got excited because I don’t think I heard this song before. You were the first person I wanted to share it with. It was like for a second I thought you were still here. That happens every now and again. Just a cruel reminder that you’re gone.

[mr-chingas]

They’ll never understand the darkness you experience. They never understand that pain and suffering. I know why the other option is so tempting. It’s because it’s the only way you know how you can stop it all. I know you convince yourself that it be better for everyone. You are wrong and rooted in the lives of so many. You are connected to something much bigger than what demons occupy a space in your mind. Don’t bring that pain to the ones who know and love you. They will have to grieve your absence one day, don’t make that day sooner than it needs too. It gets better and one day it will all make sense.

[mr-chingas]

It’s getting closer to a year since the last time I’ve seen your face. I miss you or should I say who you used to be. As we celebrate life events and milestones it hurts so much more knowing that you’re not there. You weren’t in a condition to be physically present in quite some time, but now there is no chance. I miss you laugh. I miss your phone calls. I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate it as much as I would now. I keep having flash backs of the day you died. Knowing that I am the only one who was there to see you at the end weighs heavy on my conscious. I’m grateful I was there so you weren’t alone. I felt so alone and watching you gasp for air clinging on to the last little bit of life you had left. Until finally you let out one final breath. That image is burned into my mind. Please come back to me, even if it’s my dreams.

[mr-chingas]

It’s going on five months since you have been gone. Although, you have been absent for so much longer. Seeing you confined to a bed and somewhere deep down I had a glimmer of hope. That one day you’d be ok again. You’d give me a hug and we could hang out like we used to many years ago. You could hold my daughter and reminisce over when you would hold me. You were always so proud of me and you were never afraid to tell me. Now it kills me to know that now there’s no chance of being together again in this life. I keep having these visions where I see you plugged into the future. As if I’m in an alternate universe where you were still here. As I close my eyes just to get a better look at your face you begin to fade away. I open my eyes to the bitter reality that your face only exists in a mere memory.

[mr-chingas]

You come into this world alone and you leave in the same manner. As your body decays. As do the memories of your existence. One day those who loved you will be gone along with the memory of you. Where do we go?

[mr-chingas]

Heart of A Lyon

Life brought us together for a brief period of time. I feel that universe has a purpose in every human interaction that exists. I knew that I met you for a reason and visa versa. You met me at a very vulnerable time in your life. As death was at your doorstep we were able to gift you life and death grew disinterested. We remained friends over the years. I reminisce over the conversations we’ve had and the laughs we’ve shared. After hearing the news yesterday, my heart felt heavy. It’s hard to process how I feel. Death came back to your doorstep and came for what was his.

[mr-chingas]

T.D.G.A.F.A.U

We are scum, nothing but mere animals they must keep in line. They hold the power by giving us tools to destroy ourselves. They take away jobs and supply us with the drugs. They blind us and capture our minds. We create mental prisons that doesn’t allow us to see past our environment. They kill us and get away with it. Crooked cops and even more crooked leaders. Black and brown communities pillaged with drugs and violence. Keep them silent, let them kill one another. They fear the minority, for we are the majority. We are strong in numbers. We are unstoppable beyond all means. Educate yourselves and the youth. The revolution starts within.

[mr-chingas]

Half gone

You were so much more than a dad to me, had me believing that you were everything a man should be. Now you’re half the man that you used to be, you have me thinking about what to say at your eulogy. You used always tell me no matter what it will be you and me. I remember that shattered mirror so vividly. As it crumbled to the floor along with the kid in me.

[throughtheeyesofemily97]

[1st-1]

[rogueonme]

“Your darkness cannot turn me away, neither can your rain. I´ll be there.”

— r.iver

[mr-chingas]

If You Only Knew

You don’t understand the pain I feel. Most of the time I don’t think it’s even my own pain I feel. When I’m in the darkness I have no control and sometimes it takes me a long time to find the light. It swallows me and takes me deeper and deeper in its grasp. My heart aches and I can’t breathe. There’s only so much I can take, I’m sorry that the person you love has a side to them that can’t feel love. I wish I can change but the darkness has always been a part of me. It’s like an old childhood friend that no matter what trouble they get you in, you’ll always have their back. I’m afraid that my old friend darkness will take me to a place I can’t come back from...

[mr-chingas]

Undying Love

A mothers love never dwindles, it illuminates some of the most darkest of places. She will sacrifice her own well being just to make sure he’s ok, even if at the end of the day she knows he’s not going to be ok. Her instincts will not allow the lioness to give up on her cub. She will fight with every ounce she has left. She is strong and no one will tell her otherwise.