:clown-emoji:

a depressed programmer / come hang out on my main: aromanticjangofett

[yex]

[mr-struggle6000]

13.01

I’m back, i’ll always keep coming back.

[mr-struggle6000]

23.10

i’m back. a lot of stuff happened in the meantime, and it’s been a while, but as i said, y’all gonna have to forcibly keep me away from this blog if you want to see me not come back, always, however late.

anyway i’ve seen a video on youtube that didn’t feel like filler and more of the same stuff that doesn’t work for me at all, and it’s part of the reason why i’m writing here at this point.

there’s more to come.

[mr-struggle6000]

07.08

i’m back!

i haven’t posted for a month because i kind of felt lost and tangled up in stuff. didn’t know what to write. i had an interview; unfortunately, i had to design a database, i wasn’t prepared for that at all. but i had kind of already decided i didn’t want that job.

i think i was stuck on a linked list problem on leetcode for the whole month of july. i didn’t want to touch it. finally i read someone’s explanation and might attempt to implement it.

now i realised like for real for real. i just need to make A Project. i’ve coded so much but i don’t really have anything to show it off.

i decided to choose some tutorial on youtube and follow it. for inspiration, for guidance; i get discouraged so easily

[mr-struggle6000]

29.06

one tool that’s helped me in the last couple of weeks is Habitica. in the past i had brief encounters with it, but i kept getting overwhelmed, disappointed in myself for every task i couldn’t finish, etc, old story. this time i decided i’m going to try using it to help myself, not to beat myself up, and decided that, if i end up beating myself up, it’s not a good tool.

i still fight with that part of me that thinks i’m deserving of so much punishment. my current therapist has offered some outside perspective. i’m living for myself, and i decide what’s best for me.

and if nothing else, being harsh on myself slows me down.

some of the tasks above are from community challenges, i didn’t come up with them myself. turns out they give me a nice jumping off point. actually attempting some of these exercises some of the days has really enriched my boring life

[mr-struggle6000]

25.06

as i mentioned before i want to get better at proofs, actually understand why a proof is correct, because otherwise following that algorithms course will be frustrating and i will probably give up.

someone somewhere recommended the book How to Prove It: A Structured Approach by Daniel J. Velleman. It’s available on the internet for free (just search for the title, it’s hosted on some universities’ sites), and after reading the preface, i think it’s exactly what i need.

[mr-struggle6000]

22.06

i got stuck (mostly emotionally) at one of the exercises for linked lists on leetcode. probably because it mentioned hash tables and my brain was like “you don’t know that, can’t continue”

i was disappointed to find out weekly quizzes in the roughgarden algorithms course are not available for free. that is, the answers are unavailable, and the questions are specific and convoluted enough that attempting to figure them out by myself would be very frustrating, so that demotivated me a bit,

but i will continue to watch the lectures. maybe this will hel p me understand hash tables.

i also found this website www.diversifytech.co where i found out about a discount on interviewcake, and after a bit of deliberation i decided to buy the three month course / 12-month access to questions. i’ll see if it’s helpful

One big thing is that i’m now focused 100% on getting a job, but i want to complete some things first. all these sites with coding questions i’m using right now are perfect for me actually, because i don’t feel confident in all of that. applying the knowledge of algorithms and data structures but also being timed

but i also want to complete a project to start a portfolio. freeCodeCamp is making some effort to nudge me and give me some ideas. but having a project i would actually be happy with enough seems so out of reach. i can’t even think of building a house in minecraft without making negative judgements every step of the way. i’m shooting everything down.

but maybe this judgement wouldn’t be what i expect it to be if i saw progress.

but i wouldn’t underestimate my ability to find something to feel bad about anywhere, anytime

[mr-struggle6000]

note for the future: check out implementations of strStr()

[mr-struggle6000]

6.06

my current distractions are:

Killing Eve      <3

Hermitcraft      <3

i’m focused the most on those easy interview questions from leetcode

i also try to do at least one problem on exercism.io every day. they make me feel accomplished, because you’re doing them on your own computer and you receive feedback from a person

[xkclass]

here's a link to a carrd compiling ways you can support the black lives matter movement (made by twt user @dehyedration)

other than listing petitions, places to donate, and where to call/text, it also compiles resources such as threads debunking misinfo, education on black history, and information for protestors. it's being updated regularly

[nerdyqueerandjewish]

Link to free e-book The End of Policing by Alex S. Vitale

[nerdyqueerandjewish]

Just to clarify because some folks are confused - to get the free version you need to click on the e-book tab. The default tab is hardcover + free ebook.

You do have to make an account but it’s super easy and this is a radical publisher so you won’t get any weird stuff to your email.

[mr-struggle6000]

var twoSum = function(nums, target) {   let hash = new Map();   nums.forEach((num, idx) => {     hash.set(num, idx);   });     for (let i = 0; i < nums.length; i++) {     if (hash.has(target - nums[i]) && hash.get(target - nums[i]) !== i) {       return [i, hash.get(target - nums[i])];     }   } }

i still kinda don't understand why this is faster than the brute force solution.

[mr-struggle6000]

30.05

today i’m trying to understand the solutions to the Two Sum problem on leetcode.

goal: i want to work through and really understand at least the recommended problems from the Top Interview Questions collection

i also saw someone recommend Roughgarden’s course on algorithms on Coursera. i really want to complete that course.

the thoughts about my inadequacy are lurking in but they’re not invited today.

[mr-struggle6000]

i’m back!

because now i know from experience: it’s not that you lost whatever amount of time you weren’t productive enough, it’s that you’re basically applying big picture spaced repetition. every time you come back, it’s worth it.

[mr-struggle6000]

i want to get better at mathematical proofs

i got tricked into solving some problems at: exercism.io, hackerrank and Project Euler. successes gave me a boost, one problem at hackerrank made me effortressly spend 2-and-a-half days trying to solve it and learning about Pascal’s triangle all over again.

[mr-struggle6000]

day 004

i think i need to try to post something every day, and not let perfectionism stop me from doing things that are good. for. myself.

i want to be able to 1) look back at this blog and see real things that are not filtered through whatever my worst state is 2) stop feeling like time stretches and disappears

yesterday i made a new project directory and started googling around for an easy tutorial/example of an app using opencv with tesseract to detect and do ocr on text in an image, mostly to find out if the idea makes sense. turns out i am on the right track, i didn’t back myself into a corner so that’s good.

today i beat myself up over not doing enough, i also watched the video on async functions

[mr-struggle6000]

day 002

today’s been hard emotionally but i’m trying to go through the playlist. i finished higher order functions and halfway through oop; it’s a good refresher