“Do you take requests?”
As those of you who follow me know... I'm a semi-professional solo musician. For me personally, this means I have a full-time employed permanent job. A secure job. A 'normal', 'typical' or as I sometimes like to say for comedy value "A Muggle Job". I play a fair amount of gigs for my 2nd job. I normally play once or twice a week, and in Wedding season, I can be busier than this. The vast majority of my gigs are 'covers gigs', as opposed to 'originals gigs' - This is where the money is at! Plus I'm not the most prolific of writers, so I'm very selective when choosing which originals gigs to play.
So we can say that between 1 & 3 times a week, I play cover songs for 2 hours (ish) to the clientele of whichever venue I'm booked to play.
I love it. There's not much better in life in my humble opinion. But as with everything… It does not come without it's annoyances. I'd like to say straight away that people not listening is NOT one of my gripes with performing covers gigs (notice I said covers gigs - originals is another matter which I won't go into today!). Ultimately you're at the wedding to support and celebrate the bride & groom. There are many friends & family members you've probably not seen in a while, so therefore intently watching the acoustic performer is quite rightly on the lower end of your priorities. I totally understand. If you're meeting your mates at a venue where there happens to be a chap playing a covers gig… You haven't paid to see a musician, you didn't necessarily know there was even going to be live music… So for me it's simply a bonus and I'd like to think a job well done on my part if my music engages you and you sing/dance/clap along and acknowledge my hard work.
There is one major thing in particular that haunts me, and I know that it haunts a lot of musicians alike…
Requests….
Please note this does NOT include requests by the Bride & Groom prior to their special day. Of course they'd like to hear their favourite and most special songs on their day. If given enough time, I'm more than happy to learn extra songs on this basis, and it works for me too as it'll give me inspiration to expand my set list if I like and enjoy the song(s) too!
I'm talking about requests on the night… There and then… OK. I'm not adverse to them. By all means request a song. If I know it, then it's a winner for both you & I. My standard response to the question "do you do requests?" is "I'm GREAT at requests if I know the song(s)…" This standard response is a subtle way of saying, don't get upset if I don't know the song you have requested. A handful (yes, that little) of people understand perfectly… For the remainder, however….
A few things.
1. Don't talk to me mid-song. It will result in the following possible scenarios a) I ignore you… BECAUSE I'M SINGING A SONG. b) You put me off and I make mistakes compromising my professionalism. c) I have to stop mid-song which compromises my professionalism and ruins it for anyone who might be listening to/enjoying the songs.
2. Don't show me the name of a song on your phone mid-song. It will result in the following possible scenarios a) I ignore you… BECAUSE I'M SINGING A SONG. b) You put me off and I make mistakes compromising my professionalism. c) I have to stop mid-song which compromises my professionalism and ruins it for anyone who might be listening to/enjoying the songs.
3. Don't start a lengthy conversation with me between songs. It will result in the following possible scenarios a) I ignore you… BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO SING A SONG. b) You put me off my rhythm and carefully selected set list and I might make mistakes compromising my professionalism. c) It creates an unnatural pause between songs ruining the atmosphere and therefore compromises my professionalism and ruins it for anyone who might be listening to/enjoying the songs. d) The conversation might be picked up on the mic. I can 100% guarantee, that other guests/punters are much more interested in live music than your conversation about how you once tried to learn guitar for 2 weeks, or about the time you met Paul McCartney's Cousin's friend's dog. - I'm more than happy to chat to you at length after I have finished or during a break, and yes I would like to hear about how you once tried to learn guitar for 2 weeks, or about the time you met Paul McCartney's Cousin's friend's dog. I love talking to everyone about everything.
4. Don't be angry/upset/outraged/disgusted/shocked (yes all of these have happened!) if I DO NOT know a song you have requested. For the record, I HATE Abba. I don't like The Smiths. I know only 2 Beatles songs. I don't rate U2. No I don't know the 5th track from that rare bootlegged Live in Bombay Cat Stevens album you acquired 10 years ago, and even if I did like Radiohead, which I don't… It's FAR from appropriate to play on an occasion when people are meant to be enjoying themselves!
Here's a list of some actual exchanges I've had.
1. "Do you know any Abba?" No, sorry. "Oh that's great, looks like you're on to a loser then…!" - There's only one loser here, and you can leave anytime you like.
2. "Can you play Taylor Swift?" I've never learned any T-Swizzle, I'm sorry. "You don't know any Taylor Swift?? How don't you know any Taylor Swift!?" [shakes head and walks off] - I'm sorry that I'm not a teenage girl.
3. [guy shows me his phone mid song. Points to a song title. Between lines I say "Sorry, don't know it". Proceeds to show me another, and another, and another… To all of which I shake my head (MID-SONG!?!?) Goes away… Comes back and points at 3 more, all in the same emo-angst rock genre….] - Gotta admire the perseverance, but come on…..!
4. "I'm a professional singer… Can I sing a song? What do you know?" I've actually replied with this "Only if I can gate-crash your next gig and sing a song in the middle of your set…" - A note on this. If you are a genuine musician/singer, (and I'm not being rude when I say genuine… But I've had several "professional singers" get up on the mic, and they've been so horrendously terrible, no wonder they have to gate-crash other performers' gigs to be heard! Yes, that's insulting to you, but don't try to undermine me whilst embarrassing yourself!) then I'd be happy to chat to you in my break and if we can agree on a song, then it'd be great. I'm really not adverse to this, I love playing with other musicians. But don't be disappointed if we cannot agree! Plus, without sounding too precious. I'm being paid for this gig, not you, so it's therefore my prerogative whether I want to sing with you or not. No offence!
5. "Do you know (some obscure 70's song that only the asker of the question knows)? You should learn it!" - Please forgive me in your heart of hearts if I choose to use my professional discretion and NOT learn a song that only you and the band who originally recorded it know.
6. "Can I request a song?" You can try… "Well what do you know?" - Are you requesting a song, or are you requesting that I suggest a song for you to request?
There are more I'm sure. But these are the ones that stand out.
Let's put the shoe on the other foot...
1. You're a mortgage advisor for a high street bank. I barge in and interrupt your face to face mortgage consultation with a lovely couple looking to buy their first dream home. "Do you do a 1% fixed rate???" No, sorry. "Oh that's great, looks like you're on to a loser then!"
2. You're a Maître D in a high class restaurant seating a very affluent pair of couples at your best table and going through the specials. I nudge you in the back. "Do you sell WKD?" No, I'm afraid we do not, sir. "You don't sell WKD?? How don't you sell WKD!?" [walk off shaking head]
3. You're a history lecturer at a university, giving a presentation on the Transport Revolution. I show up by your side and point to my phone, suggesting you talk about The Pyramids of Giza, The Last Great Emperor or Rome, the Treaty of Versailles… Etc…
4. You're a Taxi Driver. I knock on your window… "I'm a professional Taxi Driver too… Can I drive this fare for you?"
5. You work in a corner shop. I come to the counter "Do you sell Pyrenees Pygmy Mountain Goat's Cheese? You should stock it!"
6. You work in a DIY store. "Do you sell power tools?" Sure. What are you looking for? "Well, what do you sell?"
Maybe it's the alcohol… Maybe it's just being caught up in having a good time… I don't know… There just seems to be an unusually abnormal expectation for a singer to know and be able to competently perform any song known to man. It takes time and effort to learn a song. It takes further time and effort to be confident with performing a song to the public. It seems to be misunderstood that just because you like a song, it doesn't mean I like a song… I have to like a song, or be specifically requested in advance to learn a song. It's a compliment that you think I am capable of playing anything, but the shock, horror and upset when I don't know a song is baffling. I've been playing a long time, and I've encountered all sorts of people. Yes… Even the drunk girl who likes to grope me mid song, and even the countless Christmas party drunks (both men and women) who think it's OK to steal the mic from me and start shouting puerile abuse at their friends and singing all the wrong words, out of tune, and subsequently annoying everyone else in the bar. So I'm used to this and can deal with it appropriately. But I feel for the young performer who has just started taking professional gigs and is still building their set list. It doesn't instil confidence for you to convey disappointment and disapproval when someone can't sing a song they have perhaps never even heard in their life. Think about it properly. Have some respect. Have some tact and put the shoe on the other foot. Take heed of the expression, you cannot please all of the people all of the time, just some of the people some of the time. It would be different if you'd paid to see the performer specifically, but you haven't, you've turned up to a venue, and as a nice surprise there is a talented, hardworking individual giving you their time and performing live music for you and everyone else.
We LOVE performing. Please don't put a dampener on the night for the musician, yourself and the rest of the bar.
Much love, MrCB