Your shift has ended. Your work is done, and you're still breathing. You have survived the day.
After stepping out of the tall building, you rub your face in frustration.
You're supposed to be relieved that you're finally (temporarily) free and get to take a break, but your boss makes it hard for you to feel so.
He's always rude, harsh and gives ridiculous tasks, but he's extra dick-ish today. When you arrived at the office this morning, your boss immediately yelled your name and looked around for you, like a predator looking for its prey. Once he found you, he berated you and pointed out every small mistake you make on your reports in front of everyone, purposely embarrassing you.
He kept piling up new tasks on your desk as the day went on, throwing unnecessary insults loudly so everyone in the whole building could hear before leaving your cubicle temporarily. You were lucky that he didn't make you stay overtime, you bolted right away once your shift ended before he could find you again.
It takes every strength in your body to not punch the man in the face and spit on him every time he opens mouth.
You wish you did, but you can't. Not now. Not until you're able to find a new, better job. But you have been hunting for a year, the idea of a better job than this almost sounds like a distant dream by now…
You let out a deep sigh.
There's nothing you can do. Better to forget about it and move on.
It's already late, but it seems strangely crowded near your area. It's best to get to the train quickly before it's packed.
As you're about to enter the mass of people, someone casually walks past you and you freeze on your tracks.
That person wears a fluffy jacket, and his silhouette looks very familiar to you.
You blinked, and slowly turned towards the direction the figure walked into.
“Kazuki…?”
The tall man stands away from the hustle and bustle but also not too far from you. He perks up at the mention of his name. The street lights illuminate his pale cheeks that are flushed in pink from the chilly air as the night wind gently blows through his white hair beautifully. You wonder why nobody else married him before you.
He makes his way to you with his hands in his pockets. His eyes glisten brighter in happiness as he gets closer to you. The gesture suddenly makes you feel shy.
“You found me.”
You stare at him with wide eyes, the shock of bumping into Kazuki shakes off your exhaustion. When you don't respond, Kazuki takes it as a sign to explain himself.
“Sorry, I was wondering if you would recognize me,” he smiles sheepishly as he tucks away some strands of hair that block his view behind his ears. “And I'm glad you did.”
You blink, finally remembering that you should respond. It's impolite to not to do so and you probably would look like a weirdo.
“What are you doing here?” You blurt out your question, very curious about his sudden presence. Realizing that you might sound rude and don't want him to take it the wrong way, you quickly add, “Not that I mind! It's just… I rarely see you around here.”
He laughs at your flustered reaction. “I was just here to gather some materials for my journalism. I already got them and thought we could go home together because I know your office is nearby.”
That makes sense.
“O-Oh… That's a good idea.” You nod, unable to say anything more. It's nice of him to still think of you.
“Actually, before that…” He places his index finger on his chin thoughtfully. “I want to grab something first. Do you mind going along with me for a while?”
“Of course! Did you forget something, Kazuki?”
Kazuki replies with a mysterious smile, “You'll see.”
Before you can quiz him again, he gently grabs your hand and walks through the busy crowd.
Surprised by the sudden action, your body goes stiff. Kazuki never held your hands before. He takes your hand as if he has done it countless times before. His palm feels cold, yet comforting and secure. You watch him bump against some people, trying to survive through the mass of bodies walking past you.
Noticing that something feels wrong, Kazuki looks at you in confusion. Seeing your dumbfounded expression, he finally realizes what he's doing. It's his turn to widen his eyes in surprise.
“Ah– I'm sorry, I should’ve asked!” He exclaims in panic and immediately releases your hand from his clutch.
“I know we're only married for one month, but it's crowded and I thought–” He cuts himself off and looks away from you bashfully. His cheeks turn deep red.
You never saw Kazuki this embarrassed before, it's amusing. Meanwhile the people around you don't pay any mind to the little scene unfolding before them, as if you two are nothing but a chilly wind blowing past them.
“N-nevermind, it's my fault. I know we're not a traditional couple. I'm sorry–” He continues blabbering his apology until you capture his hand again, the same hand that held yours before.
“It's okay,” you told him. You squeezed his hand reassuringly. “I like holding your hands. It makes me feel safe.”
Kazuki looks at you in shock. You're also shocked by your own response. You don't know what prompted your boldness in front of your husband.
Wow. You're impressed that you didn't stumble on your words. Good job, you.
He gazes at you as he processes what you said. The silence from him feels awkward. You're about to apologize until you see his lips curve into a fond smile.
“Alright,” he responds quietly, but loud enough for you to hear it.
This time, his fingers securely intertwined with yours, as if he's afraid of losing you easily, then he turns around to guide you through the bustling crowd again.
It doesn't take long for you and Kazuki to get out from the swarm of people. You find yourself in front of a small stall with Kazuki already talking with the owner. You have never seen or even heard of this stall being here before.
Before you can ponder more, Kazuki hands you a drink with a straw already poked into the plastic cup.
“I heard a stall is selling your favorite drinks around here, I thought you might like it,” he explained. His smile is warm, unlike his hands in your hold.
“Kazuki…” You shakily exhale, carefully accepting his gift with your free hand. “You didn't have to…”
You don't know if he realizes it, but Kazuki is like magic in your life. He knows how to ease your worries like no other. His presence alone can make you forget about all the problems you faced earlier, just like right now.
“I know, but I want to,” he responds, his usual smile hasn't faded from his handsome face. You smiled back at him in gratefulness.
Your husband watches intently as you take a sip. His brows furrow together in anticipation, waiting for your review.
“Hmm… It tastes…” You dramatically paused. You took another sip to make sure, Kazuki unconsciously leaned closer towards you in expectation. This is very serious to him.
“...good! It tastes so good!” You beam and take more sips from your favorite drink. Realizing that he has gotten a little too close to you, he leans back and lets out a sigh in relief.
“I'm happy to hear that,” he breathes out a chuckle. He tugs you closer to him to lead you back towards the crowd alongside him. “Okay, we can go home now.”
He goes all this way to buy your favorite drink because he knows it will make you happy. It's like he knows you're going to have a bad day today. He shouldn't have, he could just ignore it and go home straight away. But he didn't.
“Kazuki…” You softly call out your friend.
Hearing his name, he stops right before the busy crowd and turns around to face you. You can see his gentle expression clearly in your view. “Yes…? What's wrong?”
You take a deep breath. You want to ask him something. For some reason, you hesitate. It's a simple question, but there's an odd weight behind it, but you push through.
“Why are you here, Kazuki?”
His familiar smile that always brings you warmth disappears from his features.
He doesn't respond for a while. His eyes watch you silently, studying your expression. His hand grips tightly around yours, but not too strong to hurt you.
“You're exhausted. Have you even eaten anything since that day?” He begins to speak slowly, carefully choosing his words, as if he doesn't want to alarm you or freak you out. Why? You're not sure. “I can't watch you shoulder all these problems and punish yourself while I stand on the sidelines doing nothing.”
You frown at him, “That's not true... You always did so much for me, you have no idea.”
Kazuki shakes his head with a pained expression. “No, not enough. But I still want to help you, even if it's not much and you'll forget about all of this when you wake up.”
Your face contorted into confusion at your lover's enigma. “What do you mean when I wake up…?”
“I know you have questions. I wish I could answer them, but I can't,” he looks at you in the eyes with conviction. “It's hard and people will look down on you, but that doesn't mean you're in the wrong.”
He brings his other hand to hold yours. With both of his hands on your own, he lifts it to press it against his chest.
“Don't blame yourself, don't stop moving forward. Whatever your goal is, I want you to keep fighting for your happiness. Keep on living, for my sake.”
All of the sudden, he lets go of your hand. You attempt to reach back to him, but he distances himself away from you. His eyes never leave your worried figure as he walks backward.
“I'm glad that I made you happy back then, so I want you to remember these moments as happy memories,” he flashes you his warm smile for the last time. “I love you.”
He says your name lovingly before disappearing between the tall figures from the crowd in front of you. You widen your eyes frantically when you lose sight of his face.
“Wait!”
The forgotten drink slips from your hand and drops to the ground as you run into the crowd without a care. You head the direction you assume he went to, but all you could see are faceless people minding their own problems.
Some are on their phones, calling their bosses from work or spouses at home, and some just stare ahead with tired looks, just wanting the day to get over with. All of them are unaware of the situation you're in.
You call out your husband's name again, hoping he can hear you despite the noises of other people's conversations that might drown your voice. However, you don't hear his voice, or even catch a glimpse of his face.
You keep looking.
You keep calling out his name.
You walk around aimlessly between hordes of people, searching for his familiar, soft smile and kind eyes that he always gives you amidst the crowd.
Except you never find him again.
Your feet fixed in place, unable to move further.
You can't keep going. You're tired.
As you look down in sorrow, you say his name for the last time.
…
You open your eyes, slightly squinting as you adjust your surroundings. You kick your blanket away and groan tiredly, sleep is still clouding your mind.
“Kazuki.”
His name escapes from your lips before you can fully register your awareness. Feeling confused before, you finally realize where you're currently at.
You're in your bedroom, at the apartment that you once shared with your husband.
Your husband…
Kazuki is gone. He's not here anymore.
Yet, last night feels real, as if his spirit visits you in your sleep. You try to recall your dream, but it all looks blurry and muddled in your memory. Your mind fails to recollect most of the details, but you’re certain Kazuki was there.
The feeling of his icy hands still linger on your palm.
Pressing your hands against your chest, you're trying to feel him as close to you as possible, even if it's just a chill sensation that reminds you of him.
“Kazuki…” You say his name again in distress.
A buzz from your phone interrupts your melancholy, pulling you away from your thoughts and back to reality.
You're sure it's a text message from your boss, demanding you to come to work 3 hours early, even if it's 5 AM. Ugh, this guy…
With tightly clenched fists, you lift your head up in determination.
“Don't worry, I'll find your killer and bring justice to light.”
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